Best Chuck Norris Facts

The Contenders: Page 2XW

21Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

This is so awesome. All you people don't know math to see how funny this is. (It is impossible to divide by zero)

He can. But he never revealed the answer. Otherwise mathematicians will lose their morale. - Kiteretsunu

Math must be really easy for him... Haha.. Maybe he can find the exact value of 'i', sqrt(-1)

V4 Comments
22Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Awesome! Imagine someone sleeping with their head on a gun and a pillow underneath! This one should have been rated way higher!

Simple but hilarious! The jokes that are only one sentence are always the most funny.

Awesome joke! This joke is funny in 2 ways. - Animefan12

This one is th best - Grimreaper7

V4 Comments
23Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Laugh out loud, that's so funny cause manslaughter is not supposed to be funny. He kills people.

24Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.

Laugh out loud this one absolutely needs to be in the top ten^^
Imagine someone killing with a spoon!

25Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

The only one thus far to have made me laugh except for the one talking about how he is in control and how he knows Victoria's Secret.

This is hilarious. He killed all the life out of it. That's why mars is red, it is covered by blood.

Absolutely correct. They met such a fate because they insulted Chuck Norris by addressing him as the "Norris of Chuck". - Kiteretsunu

Top ten at least

V8 Comments
26Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag girls. He potato sacks them.

This one is different than the usually stupid Chuck Norris jokes. Love it. I actually laughed at this one.

Laugh out loud ill never look at a potato sack the same way.

I'm actually crying, this is one of the only ones on this list to make me laugh out loud. Love it

This makes no sense. Nice job this is funny.

V7 Comments
27Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Laugh out loud Tom Cruise invented pink. This made me laugh my butt off. - nintendofan126

Tom can do pink better than no man, laugh out loud

Nice one bro... Tom cruz invented pink... Hilarious.. It's like christmus in july, norris invented all color except pink, because he is menliest man on earth..

28The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Because he punched a horse, it's neck got real long? Like a knock-your-block off robot? Meh. OK joke.

Ie he can change the dna of something just by touching it! Made me laugh!

This is actually the only thing on this website that made me laugh. The unbelievable stupidity...

29Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

never heard this one hahaha. There are other funny ones but this is new.

As a member of the revolving door's fan club, I gotta share this with the others! Laughed off asses will be everywhere!

That's good. Please, tell me. Who came up with this? Don't try and take credit, everyone. It's really good.

30Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.

Damn good one. I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. But this is hilarious

Chuck norris is dead? NO - Harri666

That has to be the best fact. Hand down.

V5 Comments
31Chuck Norris doesn't sleep ... he waits.

Hilarious. It's like "lol" what is he waiting for.. But deep down, you know.

Read this years ago... I still laughed, silently, as I didn't want to a"wait" Chuck Norris... Sh.

My favorite so far. Laughed out loud

32Chuck Norris counted to infinity in Chinese ... twice.

So funny I am 9 years old and can count in Spanish to only 30!

33How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it.

Best. One. YET! They're all great. But this one is awesome! I have one: " a bullet hit chuck Norris...
and the bullet said ouch" laugh out loud

My favourite for ever

34Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

This is different my friend :D It actually make me laugh :DD

I think he can carve his name on diamonds too! - Kiteretsunu

35Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.

Should at least be in the top ten. This one and the Waldo are too funny. Waldo is #5 currently "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. "

There's the yo mamas so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone joke - Harri666

:))) chuck norris is amazing! :)))

Yeah, Go Chuck Norris you're the best! - Animefan12

V5 Comments
36Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

The only one that has truly made me laugh. The it was came out six foot tall and had learned karate part was just brilliant

I agree! Its the only one that actually made me laugh its funny if you just imagine chuck doing that

God... I'll never look tmnt the same way again

37Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.

To much laughter in one line :D

38Toronto made a replica of Chuck Norris's penis. They just used his initials and called it the CN Tower

Laugh out loud.. Funny jokes dude... I can stop laugh after reading this one...
But the best jokes is at number 17...
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. - muhammadfajri

Nice I actually laughed at this one.

LOL! Fell off the chair! - Animefan12

V4 Comments
39Chuck Norris built the house he was born in with his bare hands.
40Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out!
BAdd New Item

Related Lists

Best Chuck Norris Movies Top 10 SSBB Characters Chuck Norris Is Most Like Top Ten Fictional Characters Chuck Norris Should Roundhouse Kick Top Ten People That Chuck Norris Should Beat Up Fictional Characters Chuck Norris Should Team Up With

List StatsUpdated 13 Oct 2015

8,000 votes
464 listings
8 years, 28 days old

Top Remixes (32)

1. There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control
2. Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.
3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
1. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
2. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
3. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.
1. Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.
2. God said "let there be light", Chuck Norris said "say please"
3. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

View All 32


Add Post

Error Reporting

See a factual error in these listings? Report it here.