Best Chuck Norris Facts

The Top TenXW

1Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

oh my god, this is by far the funniest of them all... couldn't stop laughing!

Swim on land... That's the best one there is here! I love it! I guess physics just got crapped on.

by far the best nobody can do this but Chuck Norris... I'm still laughing man. Chuck Norris is the best, better than the Zohan

I'm laughing so hard

V33 Comments
2Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.

This fact REALLY made my day!
I laughed so hard as soon as I read it!
Chuck Norris FTW!

P.S. : Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone... xD

Voters! Please get some sense of humor... This one should be at the TOP! Not down here! - Xion

TOO damn hilarious. This was the best fact ever created. So simple, yet so complex in it's true sentence. I probably just saw god... Okay no, not really. But this is better than any other, and some even get kinda... Blah? I guess, this never get's old.

So he took virgin out of the name

V20 Comments
3If Chuck Norris falls into a river, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the river gets Chuck Norrised.

"Chuck Norrised"... Haha! Virtual bouquet of flowers to whoever came up with this one! Awesome. Oddly enough, I haven't come across this one before, but as so many have declared--this one is gold.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY HAS THIS IN IT! (YOUTUBE)

Haha. Chuck Norrised... Love it. This ones a keeper for sure. CHUCK NORRIS for the win Pure awesomeness here

Nice :) Pretty hard to imagine though. - Animefan12

V31 Comments
4Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

I always wondered what he was hiding from but the answer is quite simple.

This one never fail to make me laugh It's really funny! I think this one should be on the top 3.

Yeah, it's funny because waldo is so wimpy looking. - masterblaster

I love this one I kept going around tell people joke for a long time nobody laughed

V15 Comments
5Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, it's a shame he's never cried.

I love the added its a shame he never cried at the end. Laugh out loud This one is by far the funniest. I hadn't seen this one before but it rules.

I love this one! Its hilarious! (mike fizzle chisel has approved this message. )

Then the president of each country asks Chuck Norris to cut onions in a cancer hospital. He then got a Nobel prize. - Animefan12

This is so sweet. Wish cancer COULD be cured by his tears, because I KNOW he would cry for that!

V12 Comments
6Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

all of these are great but this one is the best - moose4life19

I don't KNOW WHY THIS IS NUMBER 2 because ITS WAY BETTER THAN NUMBER 1!
ALSO WHERE IS DEATH ONCE HAD A NEAR CHUCK NORRIS EXPERIENCE! Laugh out loud

Laugh out loud this one is just so amazing. How can it be number four when it should be number one and then some with a side of chips well done and medium rare

I agree, it the best can't touch this well chuck norris can haha

V21 Comments
7Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

It's really only funny for those who have actually tried to delete the recycling bin.

This is just the best 1 out there! Props to whom ever made it up. How much trash do you have to write here to be able to Post?

This is so brilliant! The person who invented this is a genius. But not more of a genius than Chuck Norris. Definitely not... Who are you? NO! Please don't! I'm gonna -

You all suck chucks ass

V14 Comments
8When the Boogieman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Well that is just really weird you know. I mean when I go to sleep the room is filled with boogiemen. I guess they chose to hide in my room. Laugh out loud

Well, everyone is afraid to be Chuck Norrised after all, but boogieman? Clever move chuck!

Hahaha undoubtably the funniest Norris joke ever, laughed just about every single time I have read it somewhere!

Reverse food chain, or is it...

V12 Comments
9Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret

Simply laugh out loud... I laughed my butt off after hearing this one... Its simple and funny...

Simply the best, also the Jesus one is good

I have a secret love for him, but it's NO SECRET, because everyone KNOWS I LOVE him! 😉

Imply laugh out loud... I laughed my butt off after hearing this one... Its simple and funny...

V5 Comments
10Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Hey guess what I just fooled Chuck Norris! What is he gonna do! You now what? I DARE him to come over here and start banging my head on the keybkjsdkljdfnvughfjfhskakwmdjfjcndmd

Chuck Norris is very assertive with the way he acts, NOBODY can make fun of him even "natural phenomena" can't be a "smart ass" against Chuck.

Guys don't worry I'm sure that chuck norris keyboard slamming thing is just a mythfhdghfhdhbxusjfhftjjffjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjffjfkkffjjfkjhggddsdccvbjkkkhfgdgddtdggddyyddydg

Best one in my opinion.

V8 Comments

The Newcomers

?Chuck Norris once made a paper airplane. on September 11th.
?Fear of Chuck Norris is called "logic"
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The Contenders

11Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Lmao I can't believe this one isn't in the top 5. Do yall even know what braille is? Lmao

This is the best one I have ever heard. The other good ones made me chuckle but this one seriously made me burst out laughing. Please go look up braille if you don't know what it is!

He can also speak French, in Russian. He can hear sign language too.

So can Peter Griffin

"Bump, bump, sideways bump, two bumps, bump and 3 bumps"

V8 Comments
12If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't ask what you meant. It simply comes back as RUN.

Laugh out loud, most of the Chuck Norris jokes are quite repetitive but this one is just plain awesome. Good job to whoever made this up

THIS THE ONLY CHUCK NORRIS FACT I'VE HEARD THAT HAS MADE ME LAUGH!

I LOVE IT!

Because He's WATCHING! Nice change from the usual pattern of Chuck Norris jokes, which let's just say are a teensy bit repetitive.

I spelled Chak Norris on Google. It showed pics of Chuck Norris. Not run. - funnysoccerdude11

V12 Comments
13There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control

I cracked up the moment I heard this, in my opinion this is one of the best Norris jokes ever. - cyclone1248

That's so very true. Chuck Norris is always in control. - Kiteretsunu

If he presses w while typing will his internet browser close? - Harri666

14Behind Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, there is only another fist.

Man this jokes is awesome.

Family guy! Made me smile

Kinda like the guys from ZZ Top hahahahahaha. It's true they don't have lower jaws

15Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.

$
$
$ made me laugh so much! @@@ I love this one so much! - Froggy

Although this one is a classic, I love it. - Kiteretsunu

16There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

I love it when these facts can come up in intense debates. Nothing better than throwing someone off with some Chuck Norris!

A very good one indeed, it really reflects Chucks longevity, he's been roundhouse kicking dinosaurs into extinction

Oh my Gosh! This is made my day. So damn funny

Nice! It's like Chuck Norris rules! - Animefan12

V6 Comments
17Chuck Norris converted God to atheism

AHAHAA that's just great, it says that he saw God and convinced him that HE doesn't exist!

This one is awful. It should be on the bottom of the list

Guys, come on, I know we can laugh but that's just disrespectful to GOD. Even if I wasnt a Christian it still wouldn't be that funny. There are plenty of funny chuck norris jokes out there.

This is offensive. No one must/can do like that. - Animefan12

V11 Comments
18When Chuck does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

I imagine when he was doing pull-ups. Maybe the sky is drawn down below -laugh out loud-

Chuck Norris is the funniest guy I've ever met. The #11statement is absolutely true. I Wish I get a chance to meet Chuck Norris someday!

Imagining this makes me cry of laughter

What if he did weightlifting? - Animefan12

V6 Comments
19Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people

This is the most popular and the funniest... Simple and plain... Norris is a beast

20Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses.

This one REALLY took the cake!
Just as the underestimated: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun".

Funniest one ever whoever thought of this should be talked about in the same conversations and einstien and steven hawking

yeah pretty much the best chuck norris joke.

at least that I've seen in a while.

Pff... This one really made my day It deserves at least 5th place Thumbs up if agree

V9 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 4 Sep 2015

8,000 votes
464 listings
7 years, 354 days old

Top Remixes (32)

1. There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control
2. Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.
3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
cyclone1248
1. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
2. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
3. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.
Xoxo1
1. Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.
2. God said "let there be light", Chuck Norris said "say please"
3. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
RedJaguar

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