Best Chuck Norris Facts

The Contenders: Page 2XW

21Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses.

This one REALLY took the cake!
Just as the underestimated: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun".

yeah pretty much the best chuck norris joke.

at least that I've seen in a while.

Hahahhahahahah! I lol'd SO hard! That's not possible! p.s. I'm not stupid. - Jammer196

Pff... This one really made my day It deserves at least 5th place Thumbs up if agree

V5 Comments
22Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Awesome! Imagine someone sleeping with their head on a gun and a pillow underneath! This one should have been rated way higher!

Simple but hilarious! The jokes that are only one sentence are always the most funny.

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23Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Laugh out loud, that's so funny cause manslaughter is not supposed to be funny. He kills people.

V1 Comment
24Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.

Laugh out loud this one absolutely needs to be in the top ten^^
Imagine someone killing with a spoon!

V2 Comments
25Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag girls. He potato sacks them.

This one is different than the usually stupid Chuck Norris jokes. Love it. I actually laughed at this one.

I'm actually crying, this is one of the only ones on this list to make me laugh out loud. Love it

This was the first one to actually make me physically laugh out loud - Danielsun182

V4 Comments
26Chuck Norris Can Do a Wheelie On a Unicycle

So simple so funny

27Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

The only one thus far to have made me laugh except for the one talking about how he is in control and how he knows Victoria's Secret.

This is hilarious. He killed all the life out of it. That's why mars is red, it is covered by blood.

Absolutely correct. They met such a fate because they insulted Chuck Norris by addressing him as the "Norris of Chuck". - Kiteretsunu

Best one #my opinion

V5 Comments
28Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Laugh out loud Tom Cruise invented pink. This made me laugh my butt off. - nintendofan126

Nice one bro... Tom cruz invented pink... Hilarious.. It's like christmus in july, norris invented all color except pink, because he is menliest man on earth..

V1 Comment
29The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Because he punched a horse, it's neck got real long? Like a knock-your-block off robot? Meh. OK joke.

Ie he can change the dna of something just by touching it! Made me laugh!

This is actually the only thing on this website that made me laugh. The unbelievable stupidity...

30Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

never heard this one hahaha. There are other funny ones but this is new.

As a member of the revolving door's fan club, I gotta share this with the others! Laughed off asses will be everywhere!

That's good. Please, tell me. Who came up with this? Don't try and take credit, everyone. It's really good.

31Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.

Damn good one. I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. But this is hilarious

That has to be the best fact. Hand down.

HAHA I heard something like this before but it was a long time ago. But as soon as I heard it before I CRACKED IT IN THE FLOOR

V3 Comments
32Chuck Norris doesn't sleep ... he waits.

Hilarious. It's like "lol" what is he waiting for.. But deep down, you know.

Read this years ago... I still laughed, silently, as I didn't want to a"wait" Chuck Norris... Sh.

My favorite so far. Laughed out loud

33Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and wonV2 Comments
34Chuck Norris counted to infinity in Chinese ... twice.

So funny I am 9 years old and can count in Spanish to only 30!

35How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it.

Best. One. YET! They're all great. But this one is awesome! I have one: " a bullet hit chuck Norris...
and the bullet said ouch" laugh out loud

V2 Comments
36Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

This is different my friend :D It actually make me laugh :DD

I think he can carve his name on diamonds too! - Kiteretsunu

37Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.

Should at least be in the top ten. This one and the Waldo are too funny. Waldo is #5 currently "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. "

There's the yo mamas so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone joke - Harri666

V3 Comments
38Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

The only one that has truly made me laugh. The it was came out six foot tall and had learned karate part was just brilliant

I agree! Its the only one that actually made me laugh its funny if you just imagine chuck doing that

V1 Comment
39Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.V1 Comment
40Toronto made a replica of Chuck Norris's penis. They just used his initials and called it the CN Tower

Laugh out loud.. Funny jokes dude... I can stop laugh after reading this one...
But the best jokes is at number 17...
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. - muhammadfajri

So true. I laugh out loud'd at this one the hardest of all. I can know say I've been Inside a replica of Chuck Norris Penis :D

V2 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 28 May 2016

8,000 votes
469 listings
8 years, 256 days old

Top Remixes (35)

1. There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control
2. Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.
3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
cyclone1248
1. Chuck Norris converted God to atheism
2. Chuck Norris Can Do a Wheelie On a Unicycle
3. All men are created equal. Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.
ThatOneRacer
1. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
2. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
3. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.
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