Best Disses Ever
cleverclogs0Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them. Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.
The Top Ten
1Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her
2Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.
3You could be very useful iin the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb
4You're so dumb when somebody was trying to steal your T.V., you were chasing him saying you forgot the remote
5Hey, I can make a song about your teeth ' black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'
6Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.
7When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornados. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.
8You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!
9You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home she got arrested for littering.
10You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list
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11You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen
12Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business
13You're so poor when you invited me round to dinner there were 3 beans on a plate and I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy"
14You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.
15Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too, not in a cage but laughing at you
16You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C
17Your mums so fat that when she went to sea the whales came up and started singing "we are family"
18You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.
19What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.
20You're so poor even African people made you a charity.
21You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you
22You're so ugly when you went to the ugly contest they said no professionals
23Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store
24You're so ugly you made Justin Bieber feel happy
25You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!
26You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother
27Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention
28Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet
29You're so stupid you stole a free sample
30You are the reason why Hitler was born
31Yo mama is so sweaty that she caused a tsunami
32When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it
33You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave
34Your mum is so fat, when she tried to commit suicide between two cliffs, she got stuck
35You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you
36You're so bored with your life you're reading this
37You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime
38Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody
39If you really want a joke look in the mirror
40Yo mama is so fat that when she went into Wal-mart, she lowered the prices!
41Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide
42You're so fat you were mistaken as a new planet bigger than Jupiter
43You're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said what a waste of sperm
44You are so poor
45Your house is so small that every time you ring the door bell the toilet flushes
46Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk they go snap, crackle, and pop
47Yo mama so old, her breast milk is powder.
48Your mom is so old that when she went to school there was no history
49You're so fat that you put two cellphones in either side of your pocket and call the other one it says "long distance"
50You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!
51Yo mama is so stupid that when her computer said, "Press any key.", she couldn't find the "any" key
52You're so stupid you went to the doctor and said "Doctor, doctor - I need a new butt my old one has a crack in it".
53You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what's on the other side
54You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said I want your weight not your ID number
55You're so stupid when you made a mistake on the computer you used white out
56You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry
57Your dad's a pedo
58You're so ugly when God saw you he was confused if it was Halloween or Christmas
59You're so ugly your own reflection runs away from you
60You have more issues than a magazine stand
61You're so fat you have stretch marks that say McDonalds
62You're so fat drugs can't get you high.
63You're so fat that when you went to Safeway it was not safe anymore
64You're so ugly, you turned Medusa to stone
65Yo mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick
66Your mama so fat she fell down the stairs without moving.
67Ask your mom what her biggest mistake was she will say it was you
68Your mama is so poor she can't even afford to help her kids
69Your mama so fat when her ass finally enters the room her stomach has already left
70Yo mama is so poor that she couldn't afford to pay a visit
71Your momma's do fat when she turned around it was her birthday
72You're so ugly, you made Chucky look hot.
73You're so fat that even Fat Bastard said you are fat
74You're so fat, you have you own gravitational pull
75You're so ugly your mom feeds you with a slingshot
76You're so dumb you sit on the T.V. and watch the couch.
77When you walked outside wearing a yellow raincoat the sun got jealous
78When you were born your parents didn't know whether to put you in a cradle or a cage
79You're so fat that instead of calling a taxi you hired a skip
80Your mama is so fat her clothes come in 3 sizes... extra large, jumbo and, OMG it's coming towards us!
81That joke is so old I heard it when I was riding on my pet dinosaur
82Your mother is so fat that when she stepped in the shower her feet didn't get wet
83If you're reading this you're probably bored in life
84Your eyes are so big when you look at a map you see people waving
85Your teeth are so yellow, people can just sunbathe by looking at you
86Your trousers are pulled up so high, even LeBron Lames couldn't dunk in it
87You're so fat you occupy all streets so we don't need protesters
88You're so fat that your bum is two full moons joined together
89Your mama so stupid she runs around the bed all night trying to catch some sleep
90Your mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the Superbowl
91You're so fat that when you stood on the scale the scale said to be continued
92You are so ugly that the grass turned black
93I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
94Yo Momma's so stupid, that she's really stupid.
95You're so poor when I stepped on a cigarette you said who turned out the lights
96Your mama so poor she was kicking a tin can down the street and I asked her what she is doing and she said she is moving
97You're so fat and white that when you went to school people thought it was December
98I like you! Why? Because you are fat.
99Your mamas so fat when she got on an aeroplane it turned into a submarine
100When you opened your mouth a guy yelled out 'taxi'
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Top Remixes of This List
Posts About This List
This list was created 3 years, 285 days ago and has been voted on over 10,000 times. This top ten list contains 818 items, has been remixed 24 times and has been blogged about 16 times.
Updated Saturday, April 18, 2015
Updated Saturday, April 18, 2015
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