Best Disses Ever

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them.

The Top Ten

1 Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

Banter for days my black friend got so pissed

V 354 Comments
2 Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

Great diss I used it on my friend cause we was having a diss competition and that really offended her

V 196 Comments
3 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

Halarious couldn't stop laughing and I showed all my friends they all use it now

V 352 Comments
4 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

Laugh out loud said that to my friend called me a no life he tried 2 fight back but he knew that he couldn't get me back with a diss like that!

I got one: "Your teeth are like lemons because anyone who sees them goes sour".

V 157 Comments
5 When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud

This so funny I swear man it's brilliant whoever made this up IOU seriously I'm gonna start using this one from now on it's a really good diss. Watch out every1 whoever gets on the bad side of me is gonna be blown away.

This is actually the best so far. And that's saying something.

V 240 Comments
6 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest - cleverclogs0

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

One of THE BEST DISSES. I would have this be at number one. Not number six. I'll explain. DISSES

V 212 Comments
7 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

That was a good diss if you and somebody had a dissing contest it would be you

We are having a disses match and I just found the perfect one love thank you for posting it.

This is what shows she was really fat

V 93 Comments
8 You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

I'm SO using this one!
Dang that's a really funny/good one!

I served him so high his friends laughed at him (: thanks to the person who did this jokes best jokes ever

Its alright calm down its not that good

V 205 Comments
9 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.

! I used this on a boy and it finally got him to shut up another one you're so fat when you wore a orange jumpsuit and walked up a hill people thought the sun was rising

If there friend says 'at least she's on the fast lane' u can say 'yhhh the fast lane to failure'

V 189 Comments
10 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

I am totally using this on some kid in my school in my third period class his head is so big and I can barely see board.

Your head I so big u u made the sun say take my place I'm going on vacation

V 79 Comments

The Contenders

11 You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"

You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk

Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!

Here's one your breath smells so bad that it's the main cause of global warming

So that means that your that poor

V 83 Comments
12 You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

There is this girl in my class who thinks she can dis everybody and I told her that and she was so speechless she was really shamed

The meanest girl and boy in my class are dating and they have really become mean so I used this diss on them they got so pissed the went to the bathroom and kicked the walls and cried out in pain

Ha this ones so funny I used it in a cuss battle before lol

V 138 Comments
13 Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

I love this diss but hear this one you are so ugly your mom put a pic of you and put on the gate and rote be awa of the dog

Wicked I used it on my friend and she backed out straight after

Roses are red violets are blue faces like yours belong in the zoo don't worry I'll be there too but not in the cage but laughing at you roses are red violets are blue faces like yours belong in the zoo around be there I won't be there too but I am I seeing you in the cage and I'll be laughing at you. The end it's whoever sent that joke you really belong in the zoo

This is so amazing how do add a cuss

V 319 Comments
14 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.


Laugh out loud that was the very best burn ever I'm gonna use it on my friends! So they will be so jealous that I have better comebacks thanks again

Your so white u made the milk expire

V 72 Comments
15 You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

I'm definitely voting for this one! Funny laugh out loud! My sister peed her pants when she read this laugh out loud that's no joke

A guy said this to me and I was lurk oh ya, then y are u not stone!

Its actually your so ugly that when you looked at medusa she turned to stone

Well here is are so ugly when you looked in the mirror it cracked

V 53 Comments
16 You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

Laugh out loud awesome diss definitely using this one

This is an awesome diss really good to use in a dissing competition

Haha lol so funny just told my friend he laughed so much he nearly died from hyperventilation!

V 131 Comments
17 What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate

Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up

I love it! I'm definitely using this one, I mean laugh out loud!

So using this got bully at school so ugly

V 50 Comments
18 You're so poor even African people made you a charity.

YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!

I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!

This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa

That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this

That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool

Bruh that is so rude if you were in front of me I would have slapped you so hard your face would look like a frying pan

V 266 Comments
19 Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".

Laugh out loud this is the ultimate number 1

It means that your mum is so fat that when she went to the sea and she saw a whale the whale started to sing that we are a family

Yo mama so fat when you came out the sea with a yello top on someone shouted hey taxi

Wow here is another one there are so many dogs in your house can't guess which one is your mum

All YOUR sisters were there with YOU?

V 83 Comments
20 You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you.

Boy you thought your funny your sweet as honey

Your face is so ugly that if being ugly was a crime you would be the first one to get arrested

You call this nice you people got no taste

I've got a good one your so fat that when you had a diet you stopped world hunger

V 99 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 18 Jan 2017

21,000 votes
1,197 listings
5 years, 196 days old

Top Remixes (32)

1. You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave
2. When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it
3. You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime
1. Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.
2. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
3. You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.
3. You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

View All 32


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