Best Disses Ever


August 4, 2015 - Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them. Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.

The Top Ten

Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly.


Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool
This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.
[Newest]Ha it so funny I bet Dora got lost

2Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.
Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.
This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D
I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!
[Newest]Haha just used it

3Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.
Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.
An obnoxious diss!


This doesn't make sense and you say the diss you are so bored with. Your life cause we are reading this I will never use or read these disses
I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good
[Newest]Nice one this made me laugh until...

4You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.
A very bad insult, I hope you like it.


This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing
This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser
[Newest]That was awesome we should of used it against Hitler

5When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.
This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1
Cool I'm using that laugh out loud
[Newest]That is to good to say

6Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.
Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.
I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest


I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.
[Newest]Wow... Used that on the school bully and got detention... Was worth it though!

7You're so dumb when somebody was trying to steal your TV, you were chasing him saying "you forgot the remote!"
Laughing my ass off laugh out loud your classic
It is so funny I couldn't stop laughing
That so good I said that to someone during class and we had a new teacher so she laugh
[Newest]This one is so funny I'm still laughing about it

8You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!
A cool diss


Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since
Hahah that's jokes, I'm gonna use it on someone!
[Newest]That was a good diss if you and somebody had a dissing contest it would be you

9You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.
This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later
I'm SO using this one!
Dang that's a really funny/good one!
[Newest]Hilarious disses gonna use them a lot

10Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.
A very good insult.


I've personally never heard this one but its so funny!
I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.
[Newest]Love it used it quite a few times

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11You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again
Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1
The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.
! I used this on a boy and it finally got him to shut up another one you're so fat when you wore a orange jumpsuit and walked up a hill people thought the sun was rising
[Newest]Ooh what a diss! I used it on my worst enemy n it worked

12You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"
You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk
Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!
That is s joke
[Newest]Too good best joke I have heard in a while

13You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.
I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.
Ohh I can't wait to use it on a boy in my class
Laugh out loud totally usin this
[Newest]That is a good diss I kept on laughing and could not stopπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

14You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.
Another cool diss


HAHAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.
[Newest]I told someone this and they were speechless

15You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.
Got to use these
I'm definitely voting for this one! Funny laugh out loud! My sister peed her pants when she read this laugh out loud that's no joke
That is such an awesome one
[Newest]Who said Medusa was ugly? 😠

16Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in a cage, but laughing at you.
I love this diss but hear this one you are so ugly your mom put a pic of you and put on the gate and rote be awa of the dog
Wicked I used it on my friend and she backed out straight after
It's so funny I could not stop laughing laugh out loud I'm soho na use this on someone
[Newest]This is a good brake up diss

17What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.
Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate (:
I love it! I'm definitely using this one, I mean laugh out loud!
Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up
[Newest]This disses suck just you all losers

18You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.
That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too
Laugh out loud awesome diss definitely using this one
This is an awesome diss really good to use in a dissing competition
[Newest]Laughing my ass off

19You're so poor even African people made you a charity.
YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!
I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!
That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool
This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa
That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this
[Newest]Hey I live in Africa and I am a European and I am rich not poor you losers

20Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".
Laugh out loud this is the ultimate number 1
Hilarious gonna use this!
It means that your mum is so fat that when she went to the sea and she saw a whale the whale started to sing that we are a family
Yo mama so fat when you came out the sea with a yello top on someone shouted hey taxi
[Newest]Wow here is another one there are so many dogs in your house can't guess which one is your mum

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This list was created 4 years, 28 days ago and has been voted on over 12,000 times. This top ten list contains 909 items, has been remixed 25 times and has been blogged about 17 times.

Updated Tuesday, August 04, 2015

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