Best Insults


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The Contenders: Page 10

901When your mom gave birth to you, she said.. whose eggs are these?

902Your dad is so poor he gets his money in change

903If I were your dad I would have regretted having sex

904When I saw you I thought I was looking at a dead cockroach

905You are so heartless / evil, you made even Hitler look like a Saint.

906You know that song runaway? The writers made it because they saw your face.

907So, a poor village continues to look for their idiot

908If you were twice as smart as you are now you might get to the level of retard.

909If you were any denser, you would have light bending around your gravity field.
For all you science nerds, or someone with a basic understanding of the world, this will really rustle people's jimmies, tickle their Elmo, jostle their rum-shelves and burn them big time.

NOTE: This insult may not be understood by people who are actually dense, and in that case you can simply laugh at them with your friends, who (Hopefully) get it.

910I find it fascinating how all of the human recessive genes ever created are all bundled inside you.

911I don't play battle of wits with a unarmed man

912Calling You Retarded Is Insulting Every Retard On Earth

913Your mom is so stupid that when she got her diploma... she fell into a coma

914Your mom is so fat, she got her own zip code

915I would insult you but cows are sacred in our country

916Yo mommas so fat she got busted at the airport with 10 pounds of crack

917You're so ugly that the devil comes out of you and begs for fogiveness

918You're so ugly that the government moved your birthday to Halloween

919Your so fat that when you fart the world shakes

920Are you on medication for that?

921You are so ugly that mirrors turn away when you look at them

922You have more folds than origami

923Your smell is so good, I like the smell of piss.

924Yo mama's so fat that when she sat on Walmart the prices lowered

925Yo mama's so ugly that the garbage men threw her in the garbage truck

926Your mama's so ugly that Percy Jackson had to use a shield to slay her

927Yo mama's so dumb that when she got kicked out of Hogwartz there weren't any memories to erase.

928Yo mamas so hairy that if she was the princess in Repunzel the prince would climb up her armpit hair.

929Yo mama's so ugly even Slenderman wasn't willing to take her face

930Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't have to get up to get the remote control. She has her own gravity pull.

931Silly goose

932Yo mama's so ugly that the lumberjack chopped her

933Yo mama's so fat that people ask "when's the baby due?"

934Yo mama's so fat that I could still see her when she moved to the other side of the world.

935Apply cold water to burnt area, son

936Your mom's so fat that if you threw rocks at her they would revolve around her body.

937Yo mama is so fat that her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

938Yo mama is so fat that even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

939Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please".

940Yo mama is so fat that when she tripped on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

941You're so ugly that Bob the Builder looked at you and said I can't fix it

942You're lower than my sperm count!

943Your house is so holy cockroaches walk around with bibles

944Your breath kicks so hard you could score a goal

945You're so skinny you could do push-ups under the door

946Yeah, you fell straight from heaven... and landed on your face.

947You have taken more shots in ass than the flu.

948Want to go for a 10 mile run. Yeah around your mum.

949You're so fat you slept on the light bulb

950Who died and made you teacher?

951What's the difference between your mom and a blue whale? About ten pounds.

952What's the difference between your mom and a walrus? One has whiskers and smells like fish, and the other one's a walrus.

953You're gay. I'm straighter than the pole yo momma dances on.

954Yo mamma so poor people break in and leave money on the table

955Yo mammas so fat when she stepped on a scale it said error

956Dude, it isn't Halloween yet

957Do you need a license to be that ugly?

958If I ever need a brain transplant I'd choose yours... Because I would want a brain that hadn't been used before.

959You're so ugly it looks like you headbutted a belt sander.

960You know what is a big fail? Your dad's condom.

961What sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mama.

962You're like a slinky. Both useless and fun to push done the stairs.

You are so ugly means you look at very nice in their vissin

964I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but it seems you are hopelessly unarmed.

965Ok, I'll stop with the sex jokes. You won't get them anyway.

966Yo mamma so skinny that when she ate a Malteser it made her look pregnant

967Is that mercury, the planet closest to the sun or is it your mum

968You're so annoying, even the Annoying Orange would hate you.

969Your mom must really regret denying an abortion.

970Your teeth are like stars, so yellow and so wide apart

971You making my eyes water yo. You ugly.

972If I named the planets would any of them not be your fat ass family

973You've got a face only a mother could love, but she doesn't.

974Your mom so fat she has a gravitational pull to McDonald's

975You're so ugly that Elmo thinks you look like a monster

976It's people who look like you that make me feel jealous of those that are blind

977Shut up. Your face looks like a cow's ass. And believe me, it's a much more pleasant sight.

978You're so fat that when you cut yourself, gravy came out.

979You know what calenders have but you don't? A date.

980Yo teeth so yellow when you go to the bathroom to brush your teeth the toothbrush says he ain't pickin' me.

981Yo mama so old I tapped her and she fell into dust
Ima mama joke 4time champion and ill take on anybody I'm 12 and the best

982Yo mama so fat she thought Spongebob was a cartoon about cheese and started eating the TV

983Damn your funny, it's a shame looks aren't everything

984You're so dumb, if you stole another brain for yourself... nah, you still wouldn't know what to do with it.
I thought of this on the spot. Kindof a mix of other's.

985You're so fat, that when they took the measurements for your pants, it took up all the fabric in the world
I cannot stop laughing it's so funny!

I told this to my mum and she said "BWAHAHAA! " she never laughs like that!

986When I stepped on your door mat your mom said "Hey, I never gave you permission to go upstairs"

987We may be from apes, but you're from whales

988Every time there is an earthquake it's a sign that your mom is walking

989I thought of you today, I was in the Horror section.

990Yo mama is so fat when she jumps in the pool the pool jumps out

991Yeah I'm fat, but I can solve my problems, you can't?

992Your butt is so big your fart causes global intoxication

993You should join the military... your face is a weapon of mass destruction
This is going to be funny, trust me
This one is actually funny

994You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor said “you have a beautiful… monkey”

995Who’s more manly, Madea or you?

996You're so stupid, when you turned 16 your parents bought you a skateboard and you cried because you thought it was a car

997The 360 in Xbox 360 came from yo mama's weight

998A 2 year old has a low level of understanding, just like you.

999You're straight as a roundabout.

1000Look in the mirror, if you still have one
Aha I love my jokes

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This list was created 9 years, 161 days ago and has been voted on over 46,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,960 items, has been remixed 80 times and has been blogged about 16 times.

Updated Sunday, April 26, 2015

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