Best Insults


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The Contenders: Page 10

901If I were your dad I would have regretted having sex

902When I saw you I thought I was looking at a dead cockroach

903You are so heartless / evil, you made even Hitler look like a Saint.

904You know that song runaway? The writers made it because they saw your face.

905So, a poor village continues to look for their idiot

906If you were twice as smart as you are now you might get to the level of retard.

907If you were any denser, you would have light bending around your gravity field.
For all you science nerds, or someone with a basic understanding of the world, this will really rustle people's jimmies, tickle their Elmo, jostle their rum-shelves and burn them big time.

NOTE: This insult may not be understood by people who are actually dense, and in that case you can simply laugh at them with your friends, who (Hopefully) get it.

908I find it fascinating how all of the human recessive genes ever created are all bundled inside you.

909I don't play battle of wits with a unarmed man

910Calling You Retarded Is Insulting Every Retard On Earth

911Your mom is so stupid that when she got her diploma... she fell into a coma

912Your mom is so fat, she got her own zip code

913I would insult you but cows are sacred in our country

914Yo mommas so fat she got busted at the airport with 10 pounds of crack

915You're so ugly that the devil comes out of you and begs for fogiveness

916You're so ugly that the government moved your birthday to Halloween

917Your so fat that when you fart the world shakes

918Are you on medication for that?

919You are so ugly that mirrors turn away when you look at them

920You have more folds than origami

921Your smell is so good, I like the smell of piss.

922Yo mama's so fat that when she sat on Walmart the prices lowered

923Yo mama's so ugly that the garbage men threw her in the garbage truck

924Your mama's so ugly that Percy Jackson had to use a shield to slay her

925Yo mama's so dumb that when she got kicked out of Hogwartz there weren't any memories to erase.

926Yo mamas so hairy that if she was the princess in Repunzel the prince would climb up her armpit hair.

927Yo mama's so ugly even Slenderman wasn't willing to take her face

928Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't have to get up to get the remote control. She has her own gravity pull.

929Silly goose

930Yo mama's so ugly that the lumberjack chopped her

931Yo mama's so fat that people ask "when's the baby due?"

932Yo mama's so fat that I could still see her when she moved to the other side of the world.

933Apply cold water to burnt area, son

934Your mom's so fat that if you threw rocks at her they would revolve around her body.

935Yo mama is so fat that her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

936Yo mama is so fat that even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

937Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please".

938Yo mama is so fat that when she tripped on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

939You're so ugly that Bob the Builder looked at you and said I can't fix it

940You're lower than my sperm count!

941Your house is so holy cockroaches walk around with bibles

942Your breath kicks so hard you could score a goal

943You're so skinny you could do push-ups under the door

944Yeah, you fell straight from heaven... and landed on your face.

945You have taken more shots in ass than the flu.

946Want to go for a 10 mile run. Yeah around your mum.

947You're so fat you slept on the light bulb

948Who died and made you teacher?

949What's the difference between your mom and a blue whale? About ten pounds.

950What's the difference between your mom and a walrus? One has whiskers and smells like fish, and the other one's a walrus.

951You're gay. I'm straighter than the pole yo momma dances on.

952Yo mamma so poor people break in and leave money on the table

953Yo mammas so fat when she stepped on a scale it said error

954Dude, it isn't Halloween yet

955Do you need a license to be that ugly?

956If I ever need a brain transplant I'd choose yours... Because I would want a brain that hadn't been used before.

957You're so ugly it looks like you headbutted a belt sander.

958You know what is a big fail? Your dad's condom.

959I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you.

960What sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mama.

961You're like a slinky. Both useless and fun to push done the stairs.

You are so ugly means you look at very nice in their vissin

963I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but it seems you are hopelessly unarmed.

964Ok, I'll stop with the sex jokes. You won't get them anyway.

965Yo mamma so skinny that when she ate a Malteser it made her look pregnant

966Is that mercury, the planet closest to the sun or is it your mum

967You're so annoying, even the Annoying Orange would hate you.

968Your mom must really regret denying an abortion.

969Your teeth are like stars, so yellow and so wide apart

970You making my eyes water yo. You ugly.

971If I named the planets would any of them not be your fat ass family

972You've got a face only a mother could love, but she doesn't.

973Your mom so fat she has a gravitational pull to McDonald's

974You're so ugly that Elmo thinks you look like a monster

975It's people who look like you that make me feel jealous of those that are blind

976Shut up. Your face looks like a cow's ass. And believe me, it's a much more pleasant sight.

977You're so fat that when you cut yourself, gravy came out.

978You know what calenders have but you don't? A date.

979Yo teeth so yellow when you go to the bathroom to brush your teeth the toothbrush says he ain't pickin' me.

980Yo mama so old I tapped her and she fell into dust
Ima mama joke 4time champion and ill take on anybody I'm 12 and the best

981Yo mama so fat she thought Spongebob was a cartoon about cheese and started eating the TV

982Damn your funny, it's a shame looks aren't everything

983You're so dumb, if you stole another brain for yourself... nah, you still wouldn't know what to do with it.
I thought of this on the spot. Kindof a mix of other's.

984You're so fat, that when they took the measurements for your pants, it took up all the fabric in the world
I cannot stop laughing it's so funny!

I told this to my mum and she said "BWAHAHAA! " she never laughs like that!

985When I stepped on your door mat your mom said "Hey, I never gave you permission to go upstairs"

986We may be from apes, but you're from whales

987Every time there is an earthquake it's a sign that your mom is walking

988I thought of you today, I was in the Horror section.

989Yo mama is so fat when she jumps in the pool the pool jumps out

990Yeah I'm fat, but I can solve my problems, you can't?

991Your butt is so big your fart causes global intoxication

992You should join the military... your face is a weapon of mass destruction
This is going to be funny, trust me
This one is actually funny

993You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor said “you have a beautiful… monkey”

994Who’s more manly, Madea or you?

995You're so stupid, when you turned 16 your parents bought you a skateboard and you cried because you thought it was a car

996The 360 in Xbox 360 came from yo mama's weight

997A 2 year old has a low level of understanding, just like you.

998You're straight as a roundabout.

999Look in the mirror, if you still have one
Aha I love my jokes

1000What's with all the makeup did you escape college?

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This list was created 9 years, 104 days ago and has been voted on over 45,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,933 items, has been remixed 78 times and has been blogged about 16 times.

Updated Saturday, February 28, 2015

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