Best Insults

heather

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The Contenders: Page 2

101Your breath stinks so bad that it destroyed half the ozone layer.
This is very funny I can't stop laughing
Wow quite funny laugh out loud
Best joke over!
More comments about Your breath stinks so bad that it destroyed half the ozone layer.

102Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
This is so funny I couldn't stop laughing. best 1, keep it up!
Hahaa I can use that

103Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers!
I KNOW your MOTHER DOES
My mom's a racecar driver. SO that's why I didn't like this one.. So sad... But it's a good one even thought my situation.

104You're so fat when you burped you blew the world away.
Why isn't this higher up this is really funny

105Do you know how old i am? Oh wait i forgot, you dont know how to count!
! Laugh out loud that will be so embrassing- GOT TO USE THIS ONE

106You have a face only a mother could love
That is a compliment
I'm so using this on some blue whale
Lmfao! That's a good one!

107Your house; what happend to it? Was there a stampede of crapping zebras through this dump?
Your so fat dora can't even explore you
It is called explosive diarrhea

108Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
Awesome. This was completely awesome. Going to tell this to an ugly jerk at school. This was perfect. Going to write this down.
Exceptional little insult. I've used it on manny occasions and it never fails to get a reaction!
Do you want ice for that burn people!
More comments about Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

109Every time I look at you, I get 5 wrinkles
You so ugly, when Yo Momma drops you off at school, she gets a ticket for littering. thes jokes are bad
Comeback: Oh that's what Happend to your Face...
Or something like that, just re-word it
Wicked insult I'm definitely gonna use it
More comments about Every time I look at you, I get 5 wrinkles

110You're like the universe, constantly expanding.
Bigger, bigger, woah you're so... Oh wait that's just you're flab
This is tight yo!
I just found this so funny I'm still laughing now

111Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized
This is awesome, I could use this on my friend who always uses these types of jokes on me, I'm probably gonna get slapped for it though.
Your mamas so fat she needs a map to fine her aas!

112In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better.
Cancer is the most deadliest and the most dangerous diseases, a cure is less known and the survival rate is not yet guaranteed but being talked about being a cancer is the worst with people avoiding you

ronluna

Axl was talking about Slash who left Guns N Roses in 1997. Slash was known to use drugs like Duff and Izzy but he is the most addicted one. He is not using drugs anymore.

ronluna

That is a knockout joke
More comments about In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better.

113By some strange chance, are your parents cousins?
Witty sarcasm at its best!

114My cancer just got cured! Thanks to your ugliness, Chuck Norris cried, and his tears touched me and cured my cancer!
A guy once tried to insult me by saying: piranas will eat your fins and devour your nose. what?!
Umm what? I mean the 1st bits ok but I wouldn't use the chuck Norris bit.
Yours ugly,
Lolzaz
This is a better way to use that comment-My cancer just got cured. Thanks to yo mama's ugliness, God cried cause of his own creation and some of his tears fell on me.

115You're so lonely your wheelie bins go out more then you
Yeah there more important than my enemies
I said that to my worst east enemy then beated him till he started bleeding, then he started crying. So fuunny laugh out loud

116I saw you in a junkyard yesterday and told you to go home but you just stayed there
But... I saw a cow there is it you?
I am very thankful because of your hep
And if they say they weren't at a junkyard, tell them you mistook them for a hippo
More comments about I saw you in a junkyard yesterday and told you to go home but you just stayed there

117Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was
Very close to my life story
hahahaahah made me laugh so hard this girl is gonna regret everything she has done to other people
AWESOME!
THAT WAS SO AWESOME LIKE! MY ENEMY IS GOING DOWN! "IT" WILL NEVER SEE IT COMING!
WOW I'M IN AWE
More comments about Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was

118You're so fat you make a hippo look skinny!
Funny used it on my brother he crack up even though he's not fat
This is a funny and good insult more please;) x

119I...... words can not express how much I hate you
I hate everybody so this is great! I play WoW and people piss me off to no end on this game, so this is going to work great!
I this quote so much, I hate everybody so this really works.
To insult the person this lines will be the best.
More comments about I...... words can not express how much I hate you

120I read your story. I could pull a better plot out of my dead grandmother's butt.
This is really good but I hate it so much that the number of it should be my phone number.

121What died on your neck? Oh, it's your head
Definitely saying this to my English teacher!
That line is perfect for my ex boyfriend.
Perfect I'm saying this to a guy in school
More comments about What died on your neck? Oh, it's your head

122That joke was so funny i forgot to laugh.
This is a really common insult. I'd rather you say the 1000th insult
This is perfect for the little clowns.

123About as sharp as a shoelace
I'm gonna use this on a derp-ass at school

124When your dad dropped you off at the airport they said sorry no garbage cans on the plane
I work at a airport tried this and they went away! BRILLIANT!
I am going to use this one on my ex boyfriend every time I see him!
Your so ugly you enterd a ugly compitition and the judges said " no no proffecionals

125Hi! I'm a human being. What are you?
Oh I like this one! I should you this against the girls who look like pandas with their stupid eyeliner eyes.
This is great, and if anyone uses this one against me, I will just say: "More human than you'll ever be! "

126You're so poor that hobos think their rich
Laugh out loud... This one is classic... Xp
Haha so gonna use this Monday!

127Is your family tree a weeping willow? Cause if I had to hold your picture I'd cry.
LMFAO! I laughed so hard at this with my friend!

128Yo mama so stupid she put a paper on the T.V. and called it paperview
That's a dope one... Try this your dad watches T.V. with one eye when you asked him he said its to save electricity

129You're the reason men beat their wives
Burn for a bitchy girl is so gonna say this to someone
Oh my god is a classic and one of the best insults that I have read here it would have been better something like a prostitute or whore or words like that at the ending of the insult
That's great for a guy to say to a chick that pisses him off. Thanks this will be used a lot.
More comments about You're the reason men beat their wives

130You so ugly your mom thought you were an octopus
Dude that's not funny
Uglier than an ape!
That was not funny

131If you had any intelligence to question I would have questioned it already.
I am gonna say that to my cousin caz he is a nerd so yea!

132Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.
Oh my god, this is so hurtful laugh out loud
I'm definitely using this for sure

133Your house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.
Genius. This is hilarious, I fell off my chair when I read it and I'm still laughing now! I'm so gonna use it. Ace diss
Amazing diss!
so gonna use it! Thank you!
My friend was speechless!
I'm crying, THIS IS HILARIOUS! Oh gosh.. Oh gosh
More comments about Your house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.

134How much does your sister cost?
Insulting someone's sister is not good
This again, puts women down which is just awful. How much would it cost for you to go buy some manners.
How much does your mom cost?
More comments about How much does your sister cost?

135You are so big that you should live on jupiter.
Wait what? Come on guys, you can do better than that

136What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?
hahhaha! I used this one a lot! :D hillaarious! x)
So cool. I loved it. I'm am so going to use that on all the people I hate This will be perfect.
This is so awesome! Gonna use it on the fatest dude in my class! He knocked a kid down by touching him once! Then I said " See! This what happens when Hassan uses his fatness on people! " Everyone started laughing an the dudes like I'm not fat! SO then I said " Ya tell that to Andrew. The kid you body checked! "
More comments about What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?

137You're an accident waiting to happen...it's a good thing I didn't wait that long
Definitely going to use this on my ex girlfriend. She won't leave me alone no matter how much I ignore her rude comments.

138Your so fat when I go on Google Earth all I see is your belly button
Oh my god! I was laughing so much that before I said it to my enemy, I started crying with laughter and when I said it every was! Even my enemy laughed!
I almost died laughing
This should be"you got burned so hard your face looks like
Darth Vaders." laugh out loud I'm a star wars nerd.

139Stupid, pathetic worm.
This is reaaly veryy funny I really can't stop laughing... Haha... NOT

140I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier.
Rofl yeah boii this is right slap on the face:) I'd love to us it
Wouldn't the camera break when you point it at them
This dis is crap
More comments about I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier.

141You lied you said you were ugly, you're not, you're hideous
This is just hilarious! I should really use this to someone who post their pictures on the Internet and claim that they're "ugly" to the fact that they want everyone to go like "Ohh no. Deary.. You're cute". Bleh.
I have been told this and the person was serious.. And it is true.. I am hideous. I like the saying anyway. Totally indicative of what I look like.
This is awesome dude I'm was plannig on doing a insult contest with my sister on my side and my enemys on the other laugh out loud ah I can't wait were totally gonna win with all the insults I copied down
More comments about You lied you said you were ugly, you're not, you're hideous

142If brains were made of gold, you and your family would be beggars.
How mean! This joke is for 1 person not he whole family. I find it very insulting! Well I really want to make this omment good, so don't use this insult. My bff used it on a boy and he cried like a lot!

143If you were half as funny as you think you are, you would be twice as funny as you are.
Some people would probably have a tough time understanding this one, but it's actually really funny.
Yeah I don't understand that one

144take your mask off Halloween is not until October
Hahaa, will definitely be using this on this boy who calls me ugly 😂
Laugh out loud I say this 2 this boy in school and so takes a rage

145Yeah you're special ... special needs
You need some ice for that burn!
This is just cruel
That is mean n cruel and if you were special needs, id bet it wouldn't be funny 2 you n by the way, your so fat, that the whole universe is crouded
More comments about Yeah you're special ... special needs

146You know, your mom is a big liar. She said that she never makes the same mistake twice... then you brother was born
Awesome insult hahaahah made me laugh so hard almost peed my pants

147You are the greatest accident mother nature has ever encountered

148Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck
So simple and yet so effective and funny LMAO! Imma try th
Yo mom can't jump to the sky because she can't get of the grown because she is way too fat and I am serious

149Yo mamma so old, she owes Moses a quarter
Moses wouldn't lend money to a woman

150You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds.
rofl xd this should do the trick (a)
imma use it everyday xO its hilarious

151You're so dumb you wait at a stop sign for it to go green
THIS IS AWESOME I am so gonna use this on my enemy I'm just ROFLing thinking about it
This is a dumbass joke! The only person who is dumb is the writer who wrote it.
Funny I'm gonna use this
More comments about You're so dumb you wait at a stop sign for it to go green

152You're so ugly, God wrote a sorry letter to your parents.
No no no no that is SO RUDE I bet you were saying this to the mirror
So mean! Used this on a bitc* and he left and he said he a was crying! Nice one. Why can't this be in like 20 or something because this is great!

153Your momma so fat when she go poo in Canada, it actually goes to Australia

154Your parents are siblings
It's a really big burn but not too funny
That's not funny at all just a lame old peace of rubbish
Maybe you should read more clearly.. It says "your parents are siblings" meaning the parents were brother and sister which would cause the child to have a mutation of some sort... Damn you should be reading the stupid insults instead.

155You were adopted and never loved.
My sister says that to me all the time but for her that's a whole new level of stupid shez adopted too
My bro says that to me all the time. It results in physical violence on my part. But I gotta admit its pretty funny
Burn baby burn! I'm going to do this to a friend that I once had and lost the next day

156I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass
This is just pain funny! It should definitely be higher up the list. I'm definitely using this one!
Laugh out loud wow that's good I've used this one a lot already when this really annoying girl was trying to run our project for school but we said no so when she kept talking about her ideas only I said this
How is this only number 408? That's absolutely unbelievable! I absolutely laughed out loud when I heard it. So to-the-point and cool at same time.
More comments about I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass

157You're so slow that even the autistic kid didn't want to hang out with you.
Dude that's messed up... My brother is autistic
I have an autistic nephew and he's super talk an doesn't smart he just doesn't talk so this is a really stupid joke
This lady's grammar is a stupid joke.
More comments about You're so slow that even the autistic kid didn't want to hang out with you.

158My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman..
take off the 'And she's a woman.. ' part, it makes sound stupid
This is more of a diss to yourself than to others (because of the "And she's a woman" part)
Hmm, oh the irony if the person was a he-she. Awkward...
More comments about My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman..

159Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!!

160Last time I checked, retarded isn't in season.
Oh my god I could use this with most my family, but then again I could use it for ninety percent of the people I talk to including my boss.
Ha laugh out loud

161I'd call you stupid, but that would be an insult to stupid people.

162You so fat they had to cross out Jupiter

163Your Mama Is So Stupid She Thought Fruit Punch Was a Gay Boxing Club
The only good "your momma" joke ever made... Except maby one other
HAHA Imma use that one

164You're so stupid you tried to drown a fish
It actually is possible if you drag it back wards
My friend has actually tried doing that before... she's weird..

165When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police
It's so cold and funny the perfect combination!

166I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse
This is really funny so using this one at school one this girl
Lmfao
Awesome! Used this on my ex girlfriend who is dating another kid
I am DEAD! Lmfao!
More comments about I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse

167Dude you're so ugly your Mom doesn't want to hug you

168I feel sorry that you have to inhabit that body of yours.

169I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
I feel the same way with this girl in my class, shes always talking about me, I wish I knew what she was saying.

170Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU
This is so funny I told this to this bully in my class and he went al speechless cause he had no comeback. On a scale of one to ten this is a ten hundred
Nice joke. It's funny huh. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest this would definitely be a 9.8374
Haha this is the funniest I used it on my friend when he was drinking a cup of milk and he cracked.
More comments about Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU

171Yo mama's so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton
LMAO! This is hilarious! I was laughing so hard and I'm stil laughing now XDD great job whoever came up with this one! L
This insult deserves to be in the top 20!
What about they had to make an extra 20 sides? That's better. Yeah. That is so much better. Bye.

172So you're a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me.
I definitely have to use on this girl at my school we used to be friends...
I got a black eye for saying this one to the toughest most stupidest kid in school yet I still love it
How is this one not number 1 I mean seriously I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard
More comments about So you're a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me.

173Whore.
Simple yet effective! X

174Wise words. For an idiot at least.

175You're so ugly, God had to send a refund to your parents.

176With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be.
Laugh out loud love this comeback it's really funny I'm gonna use it on a really mean boy in my class he's always saying I don't have good comebacks so I'm gonna show him who's boss. YEAH!

177Yo mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out
Absoulutley funny, I have to use this to my friend right now! He is standing right next to me but not watching this lmao
I laugh out loud'd so much! Thanks you! I'm gonna use this on this fat bastard who constantly irritates me.
So funny :I told this to my friends and they they L.O. L'd so loud

178If stupidity was a disease, you would be dead right now.
I am so using that asap mwahahaaha
Very funny. Bs right here
There's this boy in the park and he deserves that cuss badly

179All the branches fell off your family tree when you were born
Just simply funny it makes sense that's what I like about it very good insult, no doubt about it! :-)

180If you want to see something funny, look at the mirror.
I'm gonna use this on my worst enemy

181Your parents made a mistake and it's name was [insert person's name here]
Awesome. Wow, I tried it on 5 people and they started to cry. Well, there's a lesson learned. Never tell a joke to kids who are complete crybabys.

182Your momma's so fat when she runs she's rolling the earth under her
Ahahahahha laugh out loud thats gotta be in the top 20 at least! I've never laughed so hard
I used theis on my friend and he didn't talk 2 me for 1 monthlol

183Can you turn around I'd like to see your face... wait, that's not your ass?
Ha! That's hilarious gotta use that someday (soon)

184You're so fat you could roll to school

185Yo mamma's so dumb she took a spoon to the Superbowl
Ha be sure to use this LMFAO man if you need a good laugh then check this out
LMFAO I USE IT ON 10 PEOPLE THEY START TO CRY LIKE DANG I LOVE THIS SO FUNNY!
Lmfao I laughed for so long! It killed me haha I am totally gonna use this in one of my conversations and I'm gonna tell my friends about it to
More comments about Yo mamma's so dumb she took a spoon to the Superbowl

186I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body and I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you can die ironically.
I love this insult. It's in my opinion the insult that should be used by all people who are very intelligent. And for that very reason I am totally gonna use it.

187If you were a million times smarter you would be dumber than an ant
Your ass is so big it covers the whole universe
Ants are smart though

188You so ugly you cracked the universe in half

Universe cracker!

megainsult


189Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her

190You've got a face like a burst haggis
Aww man this is good, considering I'm from Scotland this will bee great! Lmfao

191If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it
Burn! I am so gonna use this on a few low lives I know at school! I love it hahah

192There was a comment about your dad in a movie... I think its YOU SON OF A DISHWASHER?
Absolutely halarious! The funniest one yet. Each time I read it I start laughing!
Laugh out loud. This is awesome

bobmaster


193Go lay by your dish
Hehe nice one, used it in my argument on facebook
Can't wait to use this on my sister in law! I will have to video it on post it on YouTube.
Epic! Using this one on my sister!

194You're Michael Jackson gone wrong
Haha because michal jacksn is bd lolsie

195If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes....then why do you wear a bra?
Dude. Yes. I'm a bigger girl, and my friends been giving me tons of crud for no reason! She's a twig! YOU ARE GOING DOWN TRISHA.
Haha, I'm gonna use it to see if it really insults people but I really don't insult people and I'm not used to insulting people
Haha.
There's this fatass in my class and basically she's ugly, fat, hairy and short. She thinks she has boobs because of her fat but everyone knows she doesn't.

I used it on her and she got all her "Friends" to try and bitchslap me for the rest of the day. Tee-hee
More comments about If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes....then why do you wear a bra?

196Yo mama so fat she has her own place in the Solar System

197You're like my fish tank, you're mostly water, you've got crabs, and you're full of crap.
This is the funniest insult I've heard in months! I'll use it on anyone who wants an insult battle!
Best insult I used it on my mate and he just stared and said "your face is funny" laugh out loud.

198You're so fat when you walk in your front door you're already going out the back door
Ftpppeeehheeehheeehheeeh haha I get it because you r fatr then ta hous haha zoo funnie I tell 2 my momy

199Your head's so big that it has its own orbit

200Your head's so big that it has its own postcode

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List Info

This list was created 8 years, 279 days ago and has been voted on over 42,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,765 items, has been remixed 71 times and has been blogged about 15 times.

Updated Friday, August 22, 2014


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