Best Insults

heather

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The Contenders: Page 2

21Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones.
That's the best 1 I herd in a long time
This is the best one I have heard so far. I'm going to use this. Thanks! P. S my friend used this and a guy cried. A lot of people use it at school
I laughing so hard that I almost pissed on my pants and I could not talk
[Newest]Cool! I'm using it.

22You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
Oh this is hot
I'm using this on my dad
I thought that was funny. I'm totally using that diss in a dissing contest
[Newest]HA HA HA! That is so funny as hell!

23With a face like yours, I wish I was blind.
HAHA SO FUNNY! THIS IS FAR THE MOST BEST JOKE ever! I SAID IT TO MY BRO AND HE STARTED CRYING LIKE HELL
So funny... Laugh out loud ^____^... (as well as so insulting)... Plus this is the best
I did the same to my bro and he cry out loud

Say something bad but it still funny
Hahaha

[Newest]Oh I said that one to a kid named seth carter and he kept his mouth shut when he heard me say what I just said.

24You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit.
This is so funny whoever made it up is a friken genius:]
That is so awesome
! Funniest thing I have Heard All Day! Still laughing! Ha Ha!
[Newest]That comeback nearly killed me!

25Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside
Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.
I said it to my crush (That I used to hate). All he can said is "stupid hoe". Lmfao! Then I said if he's so stupid that brain surgeon are having a hard time. God damn! He doesn't give any respond. He can't say anything!
[Newest]Going to use on my bro thanks

26Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean
OMG! I FREAKING LOVE THIS! I'M GONNA SAY IT TO YOU!
THIS IS so AMAZING. PERFECT, ORIGINAL! CAN PICTURE SOMEONE THAT UGLY, ACTUALLY I KNOW SOMEONE THAT UGLY! BEST EVER!
[Newest]Ooh I heard this one!

27The only positive thing about you is your HIV status.
This is a funny insult. DOUBLE HIT! I told this to my ex girlfriend. She was really sexy and she liked me, and now I can't talk to her. IT WAS STILL WORTH IT
WAY TOO EPIC! How did you even invent such a cruel insult? You must be such a d* in real life
This was surprisingly satisfying, not only does it offend them behavior wise but also offends them in a decent manner instead of trying to insult in a rude way..
[Newest]Oh my god. So hurt

28Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?
Call the fire department, cause you just got burned
Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..
It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS
[Newest]Apply cold water to burned area🚿

29Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag.
Laugh out loud THAT WAS HILARIOUS THREE THUMBS UP MAN! BRAVO BRAVO!
Funny ill use it on everyone I know, almost as funny as number fifty eight
Rofl. This one cracked me up. I'll use it for sure
[Newest]Ooh so funny lol!


30Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singing We Are Family.
I can't get over this... I've been laughing at my laptop for half an hour now
I have an obsession with yo mamma's so fat jokes. Thanks for the mental image. LAWL. Your mamma's not halal if she's related to whales...
Oh my gad this is so... I can even use that to my worst friend I can't get hold of laughters now laugh out loud laugh out loud
[Newest]We are family. Even though you're bigger then me.

31Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday.
It is so funny it made me fall of my chair because my brother started crying
This is epic - using it tomorrow for sure. Whoever made this is an epic genius
This ones a total puller when you wanna bust the hell outta your opponent in a crisp sentence...
[Newest]Can't breath... So damn funny!

32Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said "Hey, that's my phone number."
Genius. Made me laugh so hard
Haha me and my bestie couldn't stop laughing 4 ages
This joke is a better version then the I asked your weight not your phone number who ever thought of this is a legend
[Newest]Love it. It made me laugh

33Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.
Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )
Wicked I would use that on nearly all my enemys
That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it
[Newest]That's hilarious I'm gonna use it on the know it all kid in my class and I'll probably be considered a hero

34I wish cancer on you and all your family.
That is like so mean! Especially if you family were affected by cancer! I would say never to use this! It is one of those things that you should o my ever use on a really really close friend...
I used to have a curable cancer and it was hell. I honestly am okay with cancer jokes though, and I make a few myself. But, to post it online so the world can see it? I'm sorry, I don't horridly dislike this, but people will get offended. You can bet your money on that, some people have actually had family members that got this disease.
Wow that's just the meanest thing I have ever read kick rocks and eat dirt!
[Newest]If you tell a cancer joke everyone gets mad but if you tell an Ebola joke everyone laughs what
More comments about I wish cancer on you and all your family.

35Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent
Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself
Seriously if someone dies because of this joke ill bury them in my back yard under the old oak tree please the reaction to some of these jokes makes me wonder how smart are you people if I were to tell this coma joke to my narcoleptic friend he would laugh his but off but remember that its how you deliver the joke that changes the way people take them try laughing directly after it makes a lot less room for tension

36Stop bullying fat people, they have enough on their plate.
This is awful... Awfully funny. I'm sorry... This made me laugh so ' hard. I mean, yeah, stop bullying people in general. But, MUAHAHAHA.
THIS MADE ME LMAO SO HARD ITS AWFUL BUT HILARIOUS! IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I NEARLY CHOCKED! LMAO I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR ONTO THE GROUND! Love this one I'm gonna use it A LOT this is definitely my favourite joke YET :D oahahah if you didn't notice I'm still laughing.
Laugh out loud When I saw this, I cracked up! Best one I've seen here
[Newest]Wow laugh out loud made me laugh so hard my mom came over to see if I was having a heart attack!

37Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has annulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.
That... Is beautiful. Even more-so because they person you've said it to would hardly understand.
I love taking the "You're an idiot" grounds on someone with something like that.
Said it to my friend didn't have a clue but my teacher was cracking up!
Hilarious! I can't wait to use this the next time I'm in line somewhere. Wish I could've used this today when the stinky guy behind me at the bank hunched over me like he was about to hump. Lmfao, great one!
[Newest]My friend was stunned as I said this, she barely understood a single word but still cracked up laughing so thanks for this awesome insult!

38The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave
oh snap this is perfect thing for a girl to say to someone hitting on her, it's so cold.
Oh that hurts what an awesome brush off dude!

Bec

That is awesome. Really funny! I'll remember that one next time! Cause it is really hilarious!
[Newest]I said this to some1 and he replied with: 'well you'd be the death of me"

39Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue
Said this to my friend and she started crying😂
I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.
Jeez I'm so using this LMFAO rating is ten out of ten
[Newest]I'll tell my mom this 😅

40You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
I said this to a guy at my school and he actually cried afterward. It is so cruel that it could make anyone burst into tears at that moment! This insult has to be the greatest insult you can ever say to someone you hate!
LMFAO, I'm using this
This ones straight up cruel- AMAZING
[Newest]I'm using this one

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List Info

This list was created 9 years, 191 days ago and has been voted on over 47,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,996 items, has been remixed 84 times and has been blogged about 16 times.

Updated Tuesday, May 26, 2015


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