Best Insults


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The Contenders: Page 2

101Yo mamma so dirty she makes mud look clean
That's cool but not great
Well its ok does anyone have better ones share them here
Awesome and the bully actually cried!
[Newest]That is so cool

102You so ugly you made Frankenstein look dreamy
Frankenstein is the doctor.
Fun Fact: The monster didn't have a name so you should call it " The Nameless Monster."

103Your breath stinks so bad that it destroyed half the ozone layer.
This is very funny I can't stop laughing
Wow quite funny laugh out loud
Best joke over!
[Newest]Dang I will use this one

104Your So ugly that Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
That one was already like number six or something.


You're mom is so ugly that even Dora couldn't explore her
It's bad enough when someone says bye, Mich less someone who has hello in their name and never says bye
[Newest]Retarded and Old :]

105Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers!
My mom's a racecar driver. SO that's why I didn't like this one.. So sad... But it's a good one even thought my situation.

106If I were your mirror I would commit suicide

107You're so fat when you burped you blew the world away.
Why isn't this higher up this is really funny

108Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
This is so funny I couldn't stop laughing. best 1, keep it up!
Yo mama so nasty, she poured salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh
Or maybe your mama is so dumb she tried to drown a fish
[Newest]I'm laughing so hard

109Do you know how old i am? Oh wait i forgot, you dont know how to count!
It's the best yet
! Laugh out loud that will be so embrassing- GOT TO USE THIS ONE

110Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
Awesome. This was completely awesome. Going to tell this to an ugly jerk at school. This was perfect. Going to write this down.
Exceptional little insult. I've used it on manny occasions and it never fails to get a reaction!
Do you want ice for that burn people!
[Newest]Oh my laughing spirits

111You have a face only a mother could love
That is a compliment
I'm so using this on some blue whale
Lmfao! That's a good one!

112Your house; what happend to it? Was there a stampede of crapping zebras through this dump?
Your so fat dora can't even explore you
It is called explosive diarrhea
This is the funniest one

113In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better.
Cancer is the most deadliest and the most dangerous diseases, a cure is less known and the survival rate is not yet guaranteed but being talked about being a cancer is the worst with people avoiding you


Axl was talking about Slash who left Guns N Roses in 1997. Slash was known to use drugs like Duff and Izzy but he is the most addicted one. He is not using drugs anymore.


That is a knockout joke

114You're gay
This is incredibly sexist and racist and all of the above
This is a crap one its not funny

115Every time I look at you, I get 5 wrinkles
Comeback: Oh that's what Happend to your Face...
Or something like that, just re-word it
You so ugly, when Yo Momma drops you off at school, she gets a ticket for littering. thes jokes are bad
Wicked insult I'm definitely gonna use it
[Newest]I would slap you, but that would be "Animal Abuse"

116You're like the universe, constantly expanding.
Bigger, bigger, woah you're so... Oh wait that's just you're flab
This is tight yo!
I just found this so funny I'm still laughing now

117I would slap you but that would be animal abuse

118Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized
This is awesome, I could use this on my friend who always uses these types of jokes on me, I'm probably gonna get slapped for it though.
Your mamas so fat she needs a map to fine her aas!

119By some strange chance, are your parents cousins?
Witty sarcasm at its best!

120My cancer just got cured! Thanks to your ugliness, Chuck Norris cried, and his tears touched me and cured my cancer!
A guy once tried to insult me by saying: piranas will eat your fins and devour your nose. what?!

121Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was
Very close to my life story
hahahaahah made me laugh so hard this girl is gonna regret everything she has done to other people
[Newest]Got to use that on an idiot boy

122You're so fat you make a hippo look skinny!
Funny used it on my brother he crack up even though he's not fat
This is a funny and good insult more please;) x

123You're so lonely your wheelie bins go out more then you
Yeah there more important than my enemies
I said that to my worst east enemy then beated him till he started bleeding, then he started crying. So fuunny laugh out loud

124I saw you in a junkyard yesterday and told you to go home but you just stayed there
But... I saw a cow there is it you?
I am very thankful because of your hep
And if they say they weren't at a junkyard, tell them you mistook them for a hippo

125Yo mamma so old, she owes Moses a quarter
Moses wouldn't lend money to a woman
That was a pretty sick quote right there. love it
I'm moses I'm still waiting for my qaurter

This is sooo kindergarten, call me childish but I laughed at this one

127I read your story. I could pull a better plot out of my dead grandmother's butt.
This is really good but I hate it so much that the number of it should be my phone number.
Ohh this so offensive omfgjfndgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkgvkohase

128What died on your neck? Oh, it's your head
Definitely saying this to my English teacher!
That line is perfect for my ex boyfriend.
Perfect I'm saying this to a guy in school
[Newest]Wow! I feel sorry for the next guy that hears that.

129That joke was so funny i forgot to laugh.
This is a really common insult. I'd rather you say the 1000th insult
This is perfect for the little clowns.
This is perfect for my goldfish! :D

130About as sharp as a shoelace
I'm gonna use this on a derp-ass at school

131Hi! I'm a human being. What are you?
Oh I like this one! I should you this against the girls who look like pandas with their stupid eyeliner eyes.
This is great, and if anyone uses this one against me, I will just say: "More human than you'll ever be! "
This was great. Some of the girls at school look like a cake threw up on their face. And if they insulted me... I probably would've said "I'd slap you but, don't want to get cake on my hands"
[Newest]Haha that's really good!

132You're so poor that hobos think their rich
Haha so gonna use this Monday!

133When your dad dropped you off at the airport they said sorry no garbage cans on the plane
I work at a airport tried this and they went away! BRILLIANT!
I am going to use this one on my ex boyfriend every time I see him!

134My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman..
take off the 'And she's a woman.. ' part, it makes sound stupid
This is more of a diss to yourself than to others (because of the "And she's a woman" part)
Hmm, oh the irony if the person was a he-she. Awkward...
[Newest]My mums a male...

135Yo mama so stupid she put a paper on the T.V. and called it paperview
That's a dope one... Try this your dad watches T.V. with one eye when you asked him he said its to save electricity

136You're the reason men beat their wives
Burn for a bitchy girl is so gonna say this to someone
Oh my god is a classic and one of the best insults that I have read here it would have been better something like a prostitute or whore or words like that at the ending of the insult
That's great for a guy to say to a chick that pisses him off. Thanks this will be used a lot.

137Is your family tree a weeping willow? Cause if I had to hold your picture I'd cry.
LMFAO! I laughed so hard at this with my friend!

138Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.
Oh my god, this is so hurtful laugh out loud
I'm definitely using this for sure

139Your house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.
Genius. This is hilarious, I fell off my chair when I read it and I'm still laughing now! I'm so gonna use it. Ace diss
Amazing diss!
so gonna use it! Thank you!
My friend was speechless!
I'm crying, THIS IS HILARIOUS! Oh gosh.. Oh gosh
[Newest]Laugh out loud dam that's funny. It should be in the top 20

140How much does your sister cost?
This again, puts women down which is just awful. How much would it cost for you to go buy some manners.
Insulting someone's sister is not good
How much does your mom cost?

141You so ugly your mom thought you were an octopus
Dude that's not funny
Who ever wrote this should go and read a book
Whoever said this needs a better diss

142If you had any intelligence to question I would have questioned it already.
I am gonna say that to my cousin caz he is a nerd so yea!

143You're an accident waiting to's a good thing I didn't wait that long
There was one where it said "Were you born on the highway, because that's where a lot of accidents happen" It seems rude but, if your gonna insult someone after they insulted you, I'd say it would be pretty good. Especially if what they said was super offensive to you.

144Your so fat when I go on Google Earth all I see is your belly button
Oh my god! I was laughing so much that before I said it to my enemy, I started crying with laughter and when I said it every was! Even my enemy laughed!
I almost died laughing
This should be"you got burned so hard your face looks like
Darth Vaders." laugh out loud I'm a star wars nerd.

145Stupid, pathetic worm.

146You are so big that you should live on jupiter.
Wait what? Come on guys, you can do better than that

147Dumb Dumb

148I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier.
Wouldn't the camera break when you point it at them
What about I took a pic of. you and posted it on my dogs ass and it looked hotter
This dis is crap

149You lied you said you were ugly, you're not, you're hideous
This is just hilarious! I should really use this to someone who post their pictures on the Internet and claim that they're "ugly" to the fact that they want everyone to go like "Ohh no. Deary.. You're cute". Bleh.
I have been told this and the person was serious.. And it is true.. I am hideous. I like the saying anyway. Totally indicative of what I look like.
This is awesome dude I'm was plannig on doing a insult contest with my sister on my side and my enemys on the other laugh out loud ah I can't wait were totally gonna win with all the insults I copied down

150take your mask off Halloween is not until October
Laugh out loud I say this 2 this boy in school and so takes a rage
Hahaa, will definitely be using this on this boy who calls me ugly 😂

151Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck
So simple and yet so effective and funny LMAO! Imma try th
Yo mom can't jump to the sky because she can't get of the grown because she is way too fat and I am serious

152Yeah you're special ... special needs
This is just cruel
You need some ice for that burn!
That's just mean I have a mate with that
[Newest]What's wrong with you

153You know, your mom is a big liar. She said that she never makes the same mistake twice... then you brother was born
Mom: How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Son: Mom, no, you can't make jokes.
Mom: I made you.

When I saw this... Words can't even explain how much I laughed.
Awesome insult hahaahah made me laugh so hard almost peed my pants

154You are the greatest accident mother nature has ever encountered

155If brains were made of gold, you and your family would be beggars.
How mean! This joke is for 1 person not he whole family. I find it very insulting! Well I really want to make this omment good, so don't use this insult. My bff used it on a boy and he cried like a lot!

156If you were half as funny as you think you are, you would be twice as funny as you are.
Some people would probably have a tough time understanding this one, but it's actually really funny.
Yeah I don't understand that one

157You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds.
rofl xd this should do the trick (a)
imma use it everyday xO its hilarious

158You were adopted and never loved.
My sister says that to me all the time but for her that's a whole new level of stupid shez adopted too
My bro says that to me all the time. It results in physical violence on my part. But I gotta admit its pretty funny
This is offensive to people who were adopted... Jerk

159You're so dumb you wait at a stop sign for it to go green
THIS IS AWESOME I am so gonna use this on my enemy I'm just ROFLing thinking about it
This is a dumbass joke! The only person who is dumb is the writer who wrote it.
Awesome, lmfao, here is one, your so fat you don't sit on a couch you break it!
That one is good but this joke hilarious will definitely use it!
[Newest]Just... Amazing. Will use this one more often.

160Your mom sent you back to the hospital for a refund.

161You're so ugly, God wrote a sorry letter to your parents.
No no no no that is SO RUDE I bet you were saying this to the mirror
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I once said
You belong in a zoo
But don't you worry
I'll be there too
Not in a cage
But laughing at you

162Your parents are siblings
It's a really big burn but not too funny
Ouch I need some aloe vera for my burn.
That's not funny at all just a lame old peace of rubbish

163I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass
This is just pain funny! It should definitely be higher up the list. I'm definitely using this one!
Laugh out loud wow that's good I've used this one a lot already when this really annoying girl was trying to run our project for school but we said no so when she kept talking about her ideas only I said this
How is this only number 408? That's absolutely unbelievable! I absolutely laughed out loud when I heard it. So to-the-point and cool at same time.
[Newest]This is so funny this should be in the top ten

164You're so slow that even the autistic kid didn't want to hang out with you.
Dude that's messed up... My brother is autistic
I have an autistic nephew and he's super talk an doesn't smart he just doesn't talk so this is a really stupid joke
This lady's grammar is a stupid joke.
[Newest]That is so mean you jerk

165Your momma so fat when she go poo in Canada, it actually goes to Australia
I know. One day I woke up and everything was brown?

166Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!!

167I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse
This is really funny so using this one at school one this girl
Awesome! Used this on my ex girlfriend who is dating another kid
Say this to a boy that keeps calling you gay laugh out loud!

168Last time I checked, retarded isn't in season.
Oh my god I could use this with most my family, but then again I could use it for ninety percent of the people I talk to including my boss.
Ha laugh out loud

169I'd call you stupid, but that would be an insult to stupid people.

170You so fat they had to cross out Jupiter

171Your Mama Is So Stupid She Thought Fruit Punch Was a Gay Boxing Club
The only good "your momma" joke ever made... Except maby one other

172You're so stupid you tried to drown a fish
It actually is possible if you drag it back wards
My friend has actually tried doing that before... she's weird..

173When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police
It's so cold and funny the perfect combination!

174Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU
This is so funny I told this to this bully in my class and he went al speechless cause he had no comeback. On a scale of one to ten this is a ten hundred
Nice joke. It's funny huh. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest this would definitely be a 9.8374
Haha this is the funniest I used it on my friend when he was drinking a cup of milk and he cracked.

175Yo mama's so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton
LMAO! This is hilarious! I was laughing so hard and I'm stil laughing now XDD great job whoever came up with this one! L
This insult deserves to be in the top 20!
What about they had to make an extra 20 sides? That's better. Yeah. That is so much better. Bye.

176So you're a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me.
I definitely have to use on this girl at my school we used to be friends...
I got a black eye for saying this one to the toughest most stupidest kid in school yet I still love it
How is this one not number 1 I mean seriously I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard
[Newest]Heh heh he -poops my pants and maid licks it off the floor-

177Dude you're so ugly your Mom doesn't want to hug you
Umm... Burn.. ? Not really

178Wise words. For an idiot at least.

179I feel sorry that you have to inhabit that body of yours.

180You're so ugly, God had to send a refund to your parents.

181I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
I feel the same way with this girl in my class, shes always talking about me, I wish I knew what she was saying.

182With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be.
Laugh out loud love this comeback it's really funny I'm gonna use it on a really mean boy in my class he's always saying I don't have good comebacks so I'm gonna show him who's boss. YEAH!

183Yo mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out
Absoulutley funny, I have to use this to my friend right now! He is standing right next to me but not watching this lmao
I laugh out loud'd so much! Thanks you! I'm gonna use this on this fat bastard who constantly irritates me.

184If stupidity was a disease, you would be dead right now.
There's this boy in the park and he deserves that cuss badly
I am so using that asap mwahahaaha
Very funny. Bs right here


186What's the difference between you and a brick? The brick gets laid.

187If you want to see something funny, look at the mirror.
I'm gonna use this on my worst enemy

188All the branches fell off your family tree when you were born
Just simply funny it makes sense that's what I like about it very good insult, no doubt about it! :-)

189Your parents made a mistake and it's name was [insert person's name here]
Awesome. Wow, I tried it on 5 people and they started to cry. Well, there's a lesson learned. Never tell a joke to kids who are complete crybabys.

190Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her

191You've got a face like a burst haggis
Aww man this is good, considering I'm from Scotland this will bee great! Lmfao

192Your momma's so fat when she runs she's rolling the earth under her
Ahahahahha laugh out loud thats gotta be in the top 20 at least! I've never laughed so hard
I used theis on my friend and he didn't talk 2 me for 1 monthlol

193If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it
Burn! I am so gonna use this on a few low lives I know at school! I love it hahah

194Can you turn around I'd like to see your face... wait, that's not your ass?
Ha! That's hilarious gotta use that someday (soon)

195Go lay by your dish
Hehe nice one, used it in my argument on Facebook
Can't wait to use this on my sister in law! I will have to video it on post it on YouTube.
Epic! Using this one on my sister!

196You're so fat you could roll to school

197You're Michael Jackson gone wrong
:( I was scrolling through fast and got excited because I saw Jackson... thinking of percy jackson... but no... Michael...

198If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes....then why do you wear a bra?
Dude. Yes. I'm a bigger girl, and my friends been giving me tons of crud for no reason! She's a twig! YOU ARE GOING DOWN TRISHA.
Haha, I'm gonna use it to see if it really insults people but I really don't insult people and I'm not used to insulting people
There's this fatass in my class and basically she's ugly, fat, hairy and short. She thinks she has boobs because of her fat but everyone knows she doesn't.

I used it on her and she got all her "Friends" to try and bitchslap me for the rest of the day. Tee-hee
[Newest]Why do you wear underwear?

199Yo mamma's so dumb she took a spoon to the Superbowl
Ha be sure to use this LMFAO man if you need a good laugh then check this out
Lmfao I laughed for so long! It killed me haha I am totally gonna use this in one of my conversations and I'm gonna tell my friends about it to
[Newest]And a fat mom took cereal

200You're so fat when you walk in your front door you're already going out the back door

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This list was created 9 years, 73 days ago and has been voted on over 44,000 times. This top ten list contains 1,912 items, has been remixed 75 times and has been blogged about 16 times.

Updated Wednesday, January 28, 2015

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