Best Jokes of All Time

SmoothCriminal

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The Top Ten

1
Come to the dark side, we have Loki, and cookies

2Good women are found on every corner of the earth but sadly the earth is round!
It is not funny at al
That is the funniest one. It should be first.
I hate this one. There r beautiful women everywhere
[Newest]What the heck is this suppose to mean

iiwreky


3Come to the nerd side... We have pi
Better version of "come to the dark side we have cookies". Much better.
Come to the dork side is better because it sounds like dark side.
Put that on a shirt

PositronWildhawk

[Newest]I'm hungry, but don't rush me :P

4Come to the Darkside... We Have Cookies!!
Every single one of these jokes are stupid. I found none of them even remotely funny, they are all for kids, real immature toilet humour. I mean its dry and stupid
It is supposed to be "COME TO THE DARK SIDE, WE HAVE LOKI, and cookies." This one is so much better.

LokiLaufeyson2000

Never! But uh, now just how many cookies are we talking about here?!
[Newest]Yeah, I agree I've either heard all these jokes before or there just plain rubbish.

5Yo mama so fat, she takes up space
It's so lame that its funny
So dumb but funny
Boooringg! That's the most typical thing in the world. Its more of a fact than a joke.

6How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
I hate this joke. It's not funny and offensive to MJ. How can you people let this stand.

Draco

Man, this joke is bad. It's offensive.

Animefan12

With a babies penis

7What's the difference between a mole and an eagle. They both live underground, except for the eagle.
How the hell would an eagle be underground?

Animefan12

What the... That doesn't even make sense.

8Kid: Mom I'm on Coke.. Mom: OMG how dare you?, you little.. Kid: and PEPSI!!!
It's funny when I tell someone I'm addicted to coke cause they think I mean the drug :P

booklover1


9What's green and dangerous? A frog with a gun
Man, this is even worse than "What's yellow and has a peel? A banana! "

Animefan12

Is this an anti-joke?
Correction: what makes a pitter-pattering noise? A spider with a plaster on.

10Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
because there's 20 of them, hehehehe

SmoothCriminal

That's just sick, but funny, lol

SmoothCriminal

Oh, I get it! 20 eight-year olds, right!

Animefan12


The Contenders

11Kid: do u have a P.S.P.?, Kid2: yes, Kid3: haha you have a Pretty Small Penis
Whoa, I never knew what this meant. Now I know. When my friend first asked me I said:
"Yeah" and he looked at me, scared. Then I thought, that's not good. So I just said:
"No, I was just kidding. By the way, what does that mean? I thought you meant the game system. "
Awesome! I have another.
Kid1: Do you want to be the Chairman Of the World?
Kid2: Yes, of course!
Kid1: That means you are a COW!
Kid2: Oh, Chairman Of the World! Yes! It's abbreviation is cow! Awesome!
Kid1: Yeah, and it's you.
Kid2: Aargh!

Animefan12

Laugh out loud Nice haha.. will definitely use this on one of my friendss... !

12Why does Mr. McMahon have to go to heaven?
Vincent Kennedy McMahon is a legend.
Cos he has no chance in HELL

SmoothCriminal


13Yo mama so stupid when she got fired she set herself on fire
Yo mama yo mama sucks

14Why did the chicken cross the road? You didn't cook it.
Ha ha! This is nice!

Animefan12


15My papa got stung from a bee and the bee said 'buzz kill' and my father thought he'd die from that bee sting.

16A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells You should have been here at 8:30! he replies: Why? What happened at 8:30?

17Defeating a sandwich only makes it tastier
You am no real super sand

18The only thing school is teaching me is texting without looking, hehehe
Yeah, teachers refer to daydreaming kids as "Physically present but mentally absent! "

Animefan12

And sleeping with my eyes open haha.

19Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.
Why did the blonde get to the other side? Because she crossed the road. Yeah...
Well, it's just the classic, isn't it?
I don't know why but that was funny, even though iv heard it about 1,000,000 times

New_ZealandFTW


20She wants the direct.

21I wub u.

22Yo mama so stupid she she stuck a battery up her butt and said I got the power
My favourite yo mama joke.

DunnaNunnaBatman


23Yo mama so fat she has her own website

24What do you call a baby with no arms, no legs and floating in the ocean? Answer: F****d!
Now this is funny. Was laughing until my face turned purple, then carried on laughing! It's cruel, but hilarious too!
I cried mysef to sleep when I read this joke. Absolutely hilarious. Some other jokes on this list are pretty good as well but this one is the best of the lot of them. Laugh out loud
This is offensive but nice.

Animefan12


25How many babies does it take to make a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw 'em!
My classmates use this joke. So nice!

Animefan12


26Q. Whats red and smells of blue paint A. Red paint
Hey, wait, I don't get it. What does that mean?

Animefan12


27Q. Why did the woman cross the road? A. Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen?
I hope you get hodgkins lymphoma
Who brought you into this world? A woman.

28Why did Sally fall off of the swings? She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? NOT SALLY.

29Your mom is so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund

30I know Victoria's secret and it ain't pretty.

31What is a cow's favorite sandwich? A peanut utter sandwich

32Your mama is so fat she couldn't fit on Earth
Yo mama so fat when she caught a magikarp, She was imprisoned.

If Yo mama splashed into North Pacific Ocean, Alaska Drowned, so what if her magikarp splashes?

Animefan12

Yo mama so fat when she splashed in North Pacific Ocean, Alaska drowned!

Animefan12


33Q: Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies? A: You cant unload a truck full of bowling balls using a pitchfork.
I don't like the baby jokes cause I have a 3 month baby sister and makes me feel bad, esp this one
What the heck? This is terrible! Who keeps putting these jokes on here?

mpgami


34Yo mama so stupid she went to the ocean floor with a pineapple to meet SpongeBob

35Person 1: Knock Knock. Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: Britney Spears. Person 2: Britney Spears who? Person 1: Britney Spears... Person 2: ? Person 1: OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!
Maybe Person 1 means that she talked again?
Didn't get it right.

Animefan12


36A horse walks into a bar. 5 men see the risk associated with this situation and quickly leave.

37An Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scottsman walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

38Dyslexic man walks into a bra
This is offensive. You mustn't insult people with Dyslexia.

Animefan12


39Yo momma is so fat and stupid, after I told her "it's chilly outside" she ran out the door with a bowl and spoon screaming, "wheres the chili?!?"

40Fat kid tells Skinny kid to eat. Skinny kid said "You eat. Ops sorry on second thought don't eat."
How come all the nice jokes are below and the lame ones are on top?

Animefan12

Because people crave satanic jokes.

41When I watch movies, when people go underwater, I hold my breath to see what it's like for them. I nearly died in Finding Nemo.

42Have you seen the movie constipated ? No. It hasn't came out yet!

43What sport do boxes play? Boxing

44Q: How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 11. One to screw it in and 10 to take 200 photos of it for Facebook.

45What has 1 foot? A leg!

46When life gives you lemons squirt them in life's eyes
This is both funny and true.

THEGreatLordOfAll


47What's 9+10? uh 21

48A horse walks up to a bar and the barman says, 'why the long face?'. The horse, unable to comprehend the complexity of the situation, promptly craps everywhere.
Because, who DOESN'T love horse jokes?

49A man walks into a bar. The man behind him ducks.

50What asks but never answers? An owl
The Answer is an Owl

51How far can you run into the woods?
The Answer is halfway. If you go further, you will be going out of the woods

52What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?

53When life throws you Thor, throw him back and demand Loki

54When life throws you Loki, Throw him back and demand Thor

55Man in a bra says, "I am not gay. I am a gay drag queen."

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This list was created 4 years, 176 days ago and has been voted on over 300 times. This top ten list has been remixed 3 times and has been blogged about 1 times.

Updated Sunday, April 26, 2015


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