Best Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

Don't you love the lies we tell our kids! I do. Here are some of my favorites that I was told in my youth. Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.

The Top Ten

1
There is a Santa Claus

The sweetest of dreams! A benevolent white-bearded man coming down the chimney - we left cookies and carrots for him and his reindeer. My older sister and I felt like we were the last ones in school to find out the truth; my younger sister felt the burden of keeping the charade alive. I'm 42 and we still get presents from St. Nick. A beautiful lie! (I include the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and all the other wonderful make-believe figments of society's imagination.


2Don't cross your eyes or else they will get stuck

I thought this was true until about ten seconds ago! Well I feel stupid...


3We love each of you children equally

Right! That's how come Cathy got a car and I didn't.


4Don't masterbate or you'll go blind

5Don't pee in the pool or a red ring of ink will surround you

My Uncle Mike told me this one! It worked. I was deathly afraid of embarrassing myself - even the slightest urge had me scampering out of the water to the bathroom. Brilliant! I've told it a few times myself.


6Don't swallow the seeds or a watermelon tree will grow out of your mouth

I won a watermelon eating contest at Pizmo Beach in the summer of '77 and I must have swallowed a thousand of them - No Tree!


7You can't go swimming until an hour after you eat

Chalk this one up to ignorance. Just parents repeating the same crap their parents told them. Somebody must stop the cycle of BS. - although I do remember a particularly harsh burpy swim practice after downing a whole pizza.


8Don't swallow your gum. It takes 7 years to digest.

Pure parental bull crap! I should have asked dad to show me his medical degree. Lucky for him it was pre-google. Would have loved to call him out on that one!


9Men don't cry

Found that one out the hard way!


10This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you

What? Not unless a razor is sticking out of my butt!


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