Best Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.

The Top TenXW

1Doh - Homer Simpson

The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!

when I die these are going to be my last words - westofohio

Whenever I get unlucky or (I hope very long in the future) die I'll always say this is that clear

This is what I say

V11 Comments
2Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz

Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah

Thats Hilarious Mess up but Vary Hilarious I Found MY Status For Today lol(

RIP Phil Hartman. Funniest man ever

Lionel Hutz was the funniest character, and this is from his funniest episode.

V4 Comments
3I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson

One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes

I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!

4Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum

Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.

This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.

Of course Ralph would fail English if he talks like that,

We hate Ralph, that's impossible!

V6 Comments
5Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson

I have made a list of my favourite homer simpsons qoutes so look at that and I forgot to put this one in so add it in and when homer said that I never seen the episode one of the few I have missed - aido17

I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything? - Lina1028

V3 Comments
6Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L

Really depressing but hilarious. - Toms_system

MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.

Also love the Crustyman. Such Schamltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism

7"Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson

It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "

When I heard this quote on T.V., I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends

Why is this 7th?!? It should be at least be second or third.

His line delivery is just priceless here

V5 Comments
8I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson

This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.

V2 Comments
9Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie
10They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver

The Newcomers

?I know a surefire way to get the Americans "Marco" Homer responds "Polo" - Cesar
?Revenge is a dish best served family style. - Sideshow Bob

The Contenders

11Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

No, its like this,
Hello, I'm mister Burns,
I believe you have a letter for me.
P.O worker Ok Mister Burns whats your first name?
Uh... Mister Burns
Whats your first name
I don't know...

V2 Comments
12You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!

13I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

Haha funny because its true! we've all felt that way at some time about someone right?

14Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.
15This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum
16To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson

No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.

V2 Comments
17That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph WiggumV1 Comment
18Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum

omg this had me laughing for ages - whufc

So love this quote it gives me so many laughs and I never watched the episode

This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.

Classic Ralph, too funny

V2 Comments
19I am the lizard queen! - Lisa SimpsonV1 Comment
20We are just slowly dying. - Homer Simpson
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List StatsUpdated 25 Jul 2016

3,000 votes
169 listings
10 years, 244 days old

Top Remixes (9)

1. "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson
2. English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
3. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
UltimateHybridX
1. Doh - Homer Simpson
2. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
3. I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson
RickyReeves
1. Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz
2. Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
3. Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer
SwagFlicks

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