Best Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television.

The Top Ten

1 Doh - Homer Simpson

The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!

when I die these are going to be my last words - westofohio

Whenever I get unlucky or (I hope very long in the future) die I'll always say this is that clear

This is what I say

V 13 Comments
2 Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz

Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah

RIP Phil Hartman. Funniest man ever

Thats Hilarious Mess up but Vary Hilarious I Found MY Status For Today lol(

Lionel Hutz was the funniest character, and this is from his funniest episode.

V 5 Comments
3 I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson

One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes

I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!

4 Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum

Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.

This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.

Ralph may be dumb, but he's supposed to be in a funny way. That's unpossible for him to be smart!

Truly a sad quote, but gosh, you can't hate that innocent tone.

V 8 Comments
5 Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson

I guess this has to be my favorite Simpson's quote of all time.

I have made a list of my favourite homer simpsons qoutes so look at that and I forgot to put this one in so add it in and when homer said that I never seen the episode one of the few I have missed - aido17

I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything? - Lina1028

This is by far the best quote EVER

V 2 Comments
6 Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L

Really depressing but hilarious. - Toms_system

MOE is also my favorite. Such misery wrapped in hideous disgust.

Also love the Crustyman. Such Schamltz weaved into corny and greedy narcissism

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7 "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson

It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "

When I heard this quote on T.V., I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends

Why is this 7th?!? It should be at least be second or third.

This should be 2nd and doh should still be first

V 6 Comments
8 I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson

This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.

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9 Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie
10 They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver

The Contenders

11 Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

No, its like this,
Hello, I'm mister Burns,
I believe you have a letter for me.
P.O worker Ok Mister Burns whats your first name?
Uh... Mister Burns
Whats your first name
I don't know...

V 2 Comments
12 You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

That's something I would say, but would add, I'm also wearing a sombrero!

V 1 Comment
13 I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

I felt that way when my grandpa died

Haha funny because its true! we've all felt that way at some time about someone right?

14 Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.
15 To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson

No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.

V 2 Comments
16 This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum V 1 Comment
17 That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum V 2 Comments
18 Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum

omg this had me laughing for ages - whufc

So love this quote it gives me so many laughs and I never watched the episode

This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.

Classic Ralph, too funny

V 2 Comments
19 I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson V 1 Comment
20 We are just slowly dying. - Homer Simpson
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List StatsUpdated 16 Jan 2017

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172 listings
11 years, 54 days old

Top Remixes (9)

1. "Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson
2. English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson
3. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
UltimateHybridX
1. Doh - Homer Simpson
2. Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
3. I Call the Big One Bitey - Homer Simpson
RickyReeves
1. Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz
2. Maude Flanders: I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N! Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
3. Gah, Stupid sexy Flanders! - Homer
SwagFlicks

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