Best Simpsons Quotes

July 28, 2015 - The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television. Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.

The Top Ten

Doh - Homer Simpson
The most common quote used is always the best one. A nice classic one that is repeated several times!
Whenever I get unlucky or (I hope very long in the future) die I'll always say this is that clear
when I die these are going to be my last words


[Newest]This is what I say

2Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.' - Lionel Hutz
Best quote by Lionel hutz ever, when I heard it I had to think about it for a second and then I just started laughing my head off hahahahah... Wait did he say son and repeatedly... Hahahahah
Thats Hilarious Mess up but Vary Hilarious I Found MY Status For Today lol(
RIP Phil Hartman. Funniest man ever
[Newest]Lionel Hutz was hilarious to bad the actor died may he rest in peace.

3I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. - Homer Simpson
One of my favorite quotes in simpsons history. And bravo to the simpson's, not lote of shows last for 500th episodes
I just think it's a funny line, reminds me of what my biker friend used to say, all I need is a cold beer and a fat broad!

4Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.' - Homer Simpson
I guess this has to be my favorite Simpson's quote of all time.
I have made a list of my favourite homer simpsons qoutes so look at that and I forgot to put this one in so add it in and when homer said that I never seen the episode one of the few I have missed


I guess you CAN vote twice. Awesome... I love this quite too! What if I just vote in everything?


5Me fail English? That's unpossible! - Ralph Wiggum
This is only 14?! That's unpossible!
Ralph is my favorite character! This just proves that Ralph is a brilliant character. He's so dumb and is so greatly strange.
This should definitely be in the top 10. This is a great and funny quote. The fact this quote is 14 is an outrage.
[Newest]Ralph is so funny

6Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak
Funny as... Moe is my favourite character, because he says loads of weird and disturbing things! E. G I'm gonna getcha brain juice and use it to paint my walls! L O L
Really depressing but hilarious.


7"Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic..." - Homer Simpson
It's an awesome quote that is even better when you hear the inflections in his voice and see that he leaves the room, then comes back in to add, "By the way, I was being sarcastic" with total sincerity. Marge's come-back is a classic part of the quote: "Well, duh. "
When I heard this quote on T.V. , I couldn't stop laughing. It is got to be my favourite quote of the Simpsons. Homer simpson you are one of the legends
This Joke almost killed me, I couldn't breathe.
[Newest]His line delivery is just priceless here

8I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you. - Abe Simpson
This is sort of scary, but there is wisdom to Abe Simpsons' saying. It's about growing older, and the inevitability of loosing touch with hipness.
Funny and True : )
Story of my life! Laugh out loud

9They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go. - Otto the Bus Driver

10Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie

The Contenders

11Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me. [P.O. Worker: Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?] I don't know... - Homer Simpson

12You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

13I don't hate your mother, Marge. I just wouldn't be sad if she died. - Homer

14Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No.

15To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems! - Homer Simpson
No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.
A classic, enough said.

16Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! - Ralph Wiggum
omg this had me laughing for ages


This was when he was on he computer thing when lisa came in.
Classic Ralph, too funny

17This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. - Ralph Wiggum

18That's where I saw the leprechaun... He told me to burn things. - Ralph Wiggum

19English, who needs that? I'm never going to England - Homer Simpson

20I am the lizard queen! - Lisa Simpson

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This list was created 9 years, 246 days ago and has been voted on over 2,000 times. This top ten list contains 150 items, has been remixed 9 times.

Updated Tuesday, July 28, 2015

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