Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayingsanonymous There are too many of them for them NOT to be put in a list.
The Top TenXW
I laughed so hard for this one, even though I don't know why. Keep them coming
That is one of the most funny and offensive jokes here. But way more funny. Just don't say it to anyone old.
Love this one so much! I remember I once said it to some lady at the funeral and after, she hit me with her Michael Kors purse. And jee, I recommend to never do that, ( It hurt's like real bad ).
I laughed so hardV88 Comments
This one deserves to be at the top because it's true and hilarious at the same time!
That's a great one! All of the other ones were kind of stupid and immature but this one is the best! It deserves this spot
And laugh out loud! I guess I know a lot of people with heart attacks!
*jaw drop* wha?V16 Comments
Laugh out loud this is hilarious! It is so funny I almost puked myself!
Wasn't it Axl Rose who always said this when he was drunk? - GHOSTbirdnatureLOVER
My friend says stuff like this all the time!
Lol I giggled at this one - BlueFrostOfThunderClanV19 Comments
Now I know what should I say when someone asks me the same question.
Now I know the answer for my up and coming test. - An_Average_Person
Good one and if you don't get it it means to demitri Martin that he has to give a baby name to them
This is just hilarious - BlueFrostOfThunderClanV20 Comments
This is so funny!
I love Dave letterman - Ajkloth
Wow! What an amazing fact! I never knew that before!
LOVED this list!!! - HezarioSeth
(Sarcastically) Really!? I thought three out of every four people made 90 percent! - Lina1028
Gloriously true, but clever enough that it makes you pause to wrap your miserable head around it. Save Letterman! I applaud you!V4 Comments
I have to meet the person before I "buy" this parachute
I doubt the person who used it once is alive.
What was it used for if it was never opened... - Harri666
Amazing quote! Best one that I ever heard (or in this case, read).V10 Comments
Yo! Mark Twain said this, not anonymous, I hope someone changes it :/ Plus the exact words were different!
I'd hate to be a joy kill but... Its not a joke, mark twain said it as sort of a proverb to say, just b/c its school doesn't mean it makes you smarter, or don't let a fool teach you what others say is a requirement to show intelligence. For example, some (actually most in my opinion) teachers in public school went through college and got required education but care very little about truth and facts, they just want you to shut up and get your work done (not all of them).
But it is a pun, a very wise pun so I guess it kinda is a joke... But more of a wise guy joke (emphasis on wise)
Schooling shouldn't matter what should matter is your education that should b the first thing on your list otherwise youll become one of those people that afford the you need to live because you did get a good education which interfere with getting a good job... Trust me I know that's how my family is...V1 Comment
So incredibly funny! It makes sense and it seems like something that should be in a book! - maddyparrot22
I didn't get this at first it took me a couple minutes to realize what it said... It's not my fault I'm a blonde
Oh I get it now. ( Just gonna spoil it ) Only one third WORKS but the rest just I don't know
That would be about right in most places of work.V3 Comments
I as a woman find this extremely offending and will be coming after the person who wrote this
Although I'm a women, this is a truly funny quote.
British crime author Peter James has used this in one of his books
I'm a woman, and I think it's true about some. Not me.V12 Comments
Mon's only weakness in a nutshell
I think its really clever. I like it!
It's hilarious and clever altogether. I love it.
I don't really get itV3 Comments
I LOVE IT, I WILL USE IT NEXT TIME I DON'T KNOW AN ANSWER!
Now that I am old, I no longer have to admit I don't know the answers, only that I don't remember them!
Going to say it to my teacher all the time!
I can use this for math tomorrow thanks! ;-)
What's this suppose to meanV4 Comments
I think this one is a little funny. Might use it when it is needed.
This should come next and it is hilarious for those who get itV3 Comments
That IS playing with words. That is like a riddle with the answer already in it.
Perfect..! Used the perfect words perfectly at the perfect time!
Is this y I don't get it... Is it because I'm not smart enough?! More sauce u dumbo...V6 Comments
I love how your trying to point out that the Gov. Steals from us in joke form. That's pretty cool
I like this 1 cause its absolutely true& the 1 about friends being like pee was gross but very sweet. By the way I'm 13 & this joke is understandable even at this age.
Hahaha, this must be number 1 hahahah made me laugh like hell! Haha.
Funny and true!V11 Comments
How is This even funny? Nothing about this quote makes me laugh. To me this is just wrong...
Charlie Chaplin was a brilliant man, and this quote is bang on. America is a garbage dump filled with armed hillbillies.
Nothing about that little subversive twerp was ever funny, including this quote.
That make senseV3 Comments
Laugh out loud, this is really funnyV2 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 29 Apr 2016
7 years, 112 days old
Top Remixes (5)
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill
View All 5