Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayingsanonymous There are too many of them for them NOT to be put in a list.
The Top Ten
I laughed so hard for this one, even though I don't know why. Keep them coming
That is one of the most funny and offensive jokes here. But way more funny. Just don't say it to anyone old.
Love this one so much! I remember I once said it to some lady at the funeral and after, she hit me with her Michael Kors purse. And jee, I recommend to never do that, ( It hurt's like real bad ).
Would anyone actually do this? The quote is funny, but if someone actually said that, that'd be harsh. - OliveleafV 105 Comments
This one deserves to be at the top because it's true and hilarious at the same time!
That's a great one! All of the other ones were kind of stupid and immature but this one is the best! It deserves this spot
And laugh out loud! I guess I know a lot of people with heart attacks!
This is the funniest I've ever readV 21 Comments
Laugh out loud this is hilarious! It is so funny I almost puked myself!
Yeah, I also heard, 'I swear to drunk I'm not god! ' I love this quote, immensely hilarious! - Flowersocks2137
Anyone with a humour of sense will vote for this
Couldn't have said it better myselfV 24 Comments
Now I know what should I say when someone asks me the same question.
Now I know the answer for my up and coming test. - An_Average_Person
Good one and if you don't get it it means to demitri Martin that he has to give a baby name to them
We should say that to a teacher the next time they ask u to name the presidents. - OliveleafV 26 Comments
This is so funny!
I love Dave letterman - Ajkloth
Wow! What an amazing fact! I never knew that before!
LOVED this list!!! - HezarioSeth
(Sarcastically) Really!? I thought three out of every four people made 90 percent! - Lina1028
If this was how it was, then the surveryers would be stupid to do any work on this. - OliveleafV 9 Comments
I have to meet the person before I "buy" this parachute
I doubt the person who used it once is alive.
What was it used for if it was never opened... - Harri666
Man, just do a backflip on a really, really tall building. Then use your parachute. - Doge4lifeGamingV 12 Comments
Yo! Mark Twain said this, not anonymous, I hope someone changes it :/ Plus the exact words were different!
I'd hate to be a joy kill but... Its not a joke, mark twain said it as sort of a proverb to say, just b/c its school doesn't mean it makes you smarter, or don't let a fool teach you what others say is a requirement to show intelligence. For example, some (actually most in my opinion) teachers in public school went through college and got required education but care very little about truth and facts, they just want you to shut up and get your work done (not all of them).
But it is a pun, a very wise pun so I guess it kinda is a joke... But more of a wise guy joke (emphasis on wise)
Schooling shouldn't matter what should matter is your education that should b the first thing on your list otherwise youll become one of those people that afford the you need to live because you did get a good education which interfere with getting a good job... Trust me I know that's how my family is...V 4 Comments
So incredibly funny! It makes sense and it seems like something that should be in a book! - maddyparrot22
I didn't get this at first it took me a couple minutes to realize what it said... It's not my fault I'm a blonde
Oh I get it now. ( Just gonna spoil it ) Only one third WORKS but the rest just I don't know
Good. Never let strangers know things! - Doge4lifeGamingV 6 Comments
Although I'm a women, this is a truly funny quote.
British crime author Peter James has used this in one of his books
It's funny God forbid happened to my son years ago
This quote is so true not going to lie. - Doge4lifeGamingV 20 Comments
I LOVE IT, I WILL USE IT NEXT TIME I DON'T KNOW AN ANSWER!
Now that I am old, I no longer have to admit I don't know the answers, only that I don't remember them!
Going to say it to my teacher all the time!
I can use this for math tomorrow thanks! ;-)
Don't raise your hand in school. It's real easy. - Doge4lifeGamingV 8 Comments
Mon's only weakness in a nutshell
I think its really clever. I like it!
It's hilarious and clever altogether. I love it.
I feel ya buddy...
See that piece of chocolate? You've been saving it but... Ah well whatever I deserve it, right? - keycha1n
I love George Carlin, extremely clever joke! - Flowersocks2137
I'll get those gay men to get out of the closet. - Doge4lifeGamingV 1 Comment
Next time don't do something awkward and stupid. - Doge4lifeGamingV 5 Comments
I think this one is a little funny. Might use it when it is needed.
This should come next and it is hilarious for those who get it
Lol yes I heard of this. I'll say this next time I go for a check-up - PopcornPelicanV 4 Comments
I love how your trying to point out that the Gov. Steals from us in joke form. That's pretty cool
I like this 1 cause its absolutely true& the 1 about friends being like pee was gross but very sweet. By the way I'm 13 & this joke is understandable even at this age.
Hahaha, this must be number 1 hahahah made me laugh like hell! Haha.
Then why are there a lot of competitions in their country? - Doge4lifeGamingV 13 Comments
That's just mean. Everyone has blank moments. Geez
There are more problems my friend, like, um.. - Doge4lifeGamingV 5 Comments
That IS playing with words. That is like a riddle with the answer already in it.
Perfect..! Used the perfect words perfectly at the perfect time!
Is this y I don't get it... Is it because I'm not smart enough?! More sauce u dumbo...V 8 Comments
Charlie Chaplin was a brilliant man, and this quote is bang on. America is a garbage dump filled with armed hillbillies.
How is This even funny? Nothing about this quote makes me laugh. To me this is just wrong...
I would bet my last copy of his movies that everyone who posted not liking this quote in the comments is American.
I support this man america is a dumpoh and did you know that if you had a dollar you are richer the the United States of americaV 6 Comments
Laugh out loud, this is really funny
Then your death will be buttery. - Doge4lifeGamingV 2 Comments
Related ListsFunniest American Dad Quotes Top Ten Funniest SpongeBob Quotes Funniest Breakfast Club Quotes Top 10 Funniest Mean Girls Quotes Funniest That '70s Show Quotes
List StatsUpdated 24 Jan 2017
8 years, 17 days old
Top Remixes (6)
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill
View All 6