1 A man escapes down a manhole. Police are looking into it.
It's dreadful. But it had me laughing.
2 An English Teacher gives students advice when they write poetry. A stranger comes in, wipes his feet, turns to face the door and a strong aroma fills the room. She had said "use a little onomatopoeia!"
Hi PositronWildhawk. Brilliant list! This made me laugh the first time. I'm still laughing! Very clever. Haha!
Haha! I get it! Laugh out loud! Awesome list!
And then everybody died
3 A woman was accused of sexual harassment when she asked her boss to use his dictaphone
4 We had to rush the chef to the hospital. He was struggling to make a broth.
Haha! This is delightfully absurd! Nice... God bless, loved the chem-periodic joke!
5 One helium nucleus says to another, "I need to cool off" and the other says, "You're in luck! I have you down for the full spin!"
Forgive me for my Physics jokes. I tell a lot of those. I'M A NERD, OK?!?! LET ME LIVE MY NERDY LIFE! I tell Chemistry jokes periodically.
6 I tell Chemistry jokes periodically.
I get it! The periodic table! Nice one Positron!
Funny I love chemistry
7 Two muffins in an oven. One muffin says "it's really hot in here", the other says "whoa, a talking muffin".
Got me laughing
8 A five foot man escaped from jail. It's a small medium at large.
That's whack man rubbish even my friends little cousin can have a cuss better than that and he said that ugly 5 foot man is the person who wrote that. Don't ever say a cuss all right because my friends little cousin who is 4 can cuss you down at a cussing match.
9 A French greengrocer gave birth to twins. She'd have been fine with one but couldn't mangetout.
So funny I forgot to laugh
10 2 cannibals are eating a clown. One Cannibal stops and looks at the other one and says "Does this taste funny?"
My uncle is a clown ya dang bat
This joke is my childhood
The Contenders
11 A Higgs Boson goes into a Church. They say "You can't call yourself a God particle!" The Higgs says, "Without me, you'd have no mass!"
I know. My Physics jokes are pretty bad.
12 I just took the metal off my iPod. Now, nothing plays!
But I have some alternative.
Snort laugh out loud
13 Physics makes you do work, Chemistry makes you react, Biology makes you throw up!
I saw this cracker on TheTopTens. I love it so much! So don't you all moan at me, OK?!?!
14 A priest a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar, the bartender says "what is this some kind of joke?"
Mine is priest, minister and rabbi.
15 What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent, plus Nickelback.
Haha! Whose is this? Love it!
16 What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto
That's very clever!
17 Two wasps of the opposite sex met. One wasn't attracted; the other was hornet.
18 Uh-oh David lost his ID again, guess we have to call him Dav now.
19 A man working for Morton Salts died. He was assaulted.
20 'Tis my pleasure to share. Heard of Cher's twin sister? Cher and Cher alike.
21 I won't make any chemistry jokes today. NaH, I changed my mind!
22 I went to a refreshment bar at a zoo and asked for a White Cappuccino. The man got out a rifle and asked me to pick one.
23 Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
24 A bird bit me. Owl.
25 How to get a rock: I have a simple plan. Ask a man with a rock to give it up, then he would get a nickel back.