Best Quotes from "Quote's Bad Hair Day: Rated R for Retelling of Cave Story"

The Top Ten
1 I'll allow my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing repressed memories of my high school years to come flooding back into my tranquil mind once again, while masturbating with my right hand, and writing love letters with my left! - Jack
2 The Doctor likes me! I set him up, turned your DUMB little island into a battleground, got innocent little Mimigas executed, UNFAIRLY, put several others including you into therapy, AND HE STILL LIKES ME!!! - Misery
3 The book contained a lot of random, stupid tabloid bullshit, like how to grow marijuana on the moon, or how to tie your own pubic hair into knots, but more importantly, it showed how to service flooded robots! - Narrator
4 SATAN'S MECHANICAL DILDO IS SALTY!!! - Ma Pignon
5 I've been SAVING this one for you, mon frére! "COME" to Papa! - Jack
6 You be JonTron, I'll be Jacques! - Mahin
7 And so Mahin grabbed Jack's leg, and Jack grabbed Mahin's esophagus, and Mahin bit off Jack's ear, and Jack chewed off Mahin's eyebrows, and Mahin took out Jack's appendix, and Jack gave Mahin a colonic irrigation! - Narrator
8 Goodbye, Misery. - Jack
9 A ROAD ISN'T A F****** VERB, YOU DUMBASS! - Quote
10 That type of difficulty spike stings harder than my periods! - Curly
The Contenders
11 None of that Final Fantasy junk is enough to fulfill your kingdom hearts! Enslavement! Enslavement is what makes life worth living! Enslave, enslave, enslave! Let's enslave everyone! - The Doctor
12 Well, at least my father didn't make his living doing some stupid clichéd "knight in shining armor" bullsh**! - Misery
13 Pray to the stone. Worship the stone. TOUCH the stone. LICK the stone...lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone, lickthestone - Jack
14 Goddamned bats, why must so many platformer games have them? - Quote
15 There'll be plenty of time for mercy when you're roasting in Curly's stomach, pu**y! - Quote
16 WHEE! Give me hugs, bees! Buggie wuggie wuggie wuggie wuggie! YAY! - Toroko
17 You're not going to RAPE me, are you, Mr. Toaster? - Toroko

LOL, the name Mr. Toaster sounds like a rapist.

18 Oh no, I've got the ouchie-wouchies in my chubby-wubby-tubby little tummy! WAAH! - Toroko
19 I'll take a red flower...AND EAT IT!!! - Jack
20 Smell My Foot's Wondrous Aroma of Week-Old Limburger Cheese! - Jack
21 Umm...I've been thinking a lot about SNAILS recently! They're SLIMY! - Jack
22 What in the f*** am I reading? - Mahin
23 I can even still see my ribcage! I call her Ribbie! - Jack
24 The way I feel right now, even carrots have lost their subtle charm. - Jack
25 How would you like to suck my ba***? (OH MY GOD, I WOULD LOVE TO!) That'll be $5.25, please; after all, I'm not wearing skinny jeans. - Jack
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