Top Ten Insanely Awkward Things to Say to a Kid While Dressed Up As Santa Claus

This is my input on PetSound's Christmas Countdown 11#

The Top Ten

1 Parents sending you presents!? Blasphemy! I send seven billion people presents and they have the Christmas bells to tell me that I'm not productive enough!?
2 You only like my reindeer Rudolph because he has a red nose. He's not that special, its just a medical condition. What about Comet, have you not seen the machine landing on it!? Get your education together!

I laughed today at school when my grammar teacher gave us an assignment for a job application to work for Santa. I thought it was so stupid and that we're 5th graders, not Kindergarteners! - funnyuser

Comet is cool too! He is the fastest reindeer. And what about Donner? He's rudolph's father! - ruJILLous

Mummy, why did the ambulance man put the sheet over Rudy's head? - PositronWildhawk

I totally agree with this one. We always hear about Rudolph, and it's about time we hear about someone else! - BlueTopazIceVanilla

3 What's up with those movies about me? Do they ever meet me? Do they ever stalk me? Do they ever go to the North Pole!?

Guess those guys who make movies don't know much about santa. - ruJILLous

4 You know, this is better than living in the North Pole. I actually get to talk to humans rather than these weird creatures that are surprisingly not scary for you kids. I JUST WANT FRIENDS!!

Poor Santa. Must be awful having to keep all those elves in line. - PetSounds

Reindeer. They just aren't co-operative enough for 11 months of the year. - PositronWildhawk

The only living things on the north pole are reindeer, elves, & abominal snowmonsters. - ruJILLous

5 What!? What do you mean you tried to find me on the North Pole!? Who do you work for?
6 I'm sorry to say this but (removes beard) I'm not Santa Claus, I killed him, that reindeer is just a mechanical machine so don't feed him carrots, your snowman is going to melt to death and that elf is actually a midget that I paid for.

You can do that if you wanna make the kid cry! - ruJILLous

7 I see you when you're sleeping, I know when you're awake.... Remember that when you go to sleep

Come to think of it, the idea of letting a fat stranger climb into your child's room and leave things under the bed sounds a tad controversial. - PositronWildhawk

It sort of sounds like that Santa stalks you... - Minecraftcrazy530

V 2 Comments
8 Kid, I just had a hangover, so you better tell me what you want for Christmas or I'll put you in a sack and make you as one of my slav... I mean elves

So that's where he gets them from. - PositronWildhawk

Hopefully people dressed up as santa don't drink before they do there job. - ruJILLous

9 Whenever a sun comes up, that's a 100,000 Snowman death toll in a 24 second mark, so I'm afraid Olaf isn't going to survive
10 I thought I told you to stay off my turf!

The Contenders

11 You want to know why Rudolph has a red nose? Well let's just say he suffers from a condition were his nose acts like a glowstick so whenever his nose breaks, his nose suddenly grows. Oh and thankfully, he has an abusive father.

Donner hated him, but he wasn't really abusive. - ruJILLous

12 You're stupid
13 I am not real
14 Hey kid, I will give you ice cream if you watch Silent Night, Deadly Night
15 I only ride in a sled because I cannot go on a train without saying, I like trains.
16 I eat kids like you for breakfast
17 I will beat you with a picklefish then feed you to the Ewoks. I can't feed you to the T-rex because they ate their vegetables.
18 Do you want a pogo stick because you can bounce on my face like that leprechaun guy did in that movie "leprechaun"
19 I'm Batmaaaan

Batman is Santa Claus. He goes out at night, he keeps his identity secret, and also the bat cave is where he makes all his presents for children. - TwilightKitsune

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