Swellow Rants - Dear Future Husband

Swellow
(Just about every popular internet song judge has done this song, and gave it a review. Now it's time I did this, too.)

Meghan Trainor's annoying hits All About That Bass and Lips are Movin' were bad enough from their excess airplay, but they had a bit of tune to them at times and you could dance to them. This, however, it's probably Meghan's worst song, dethroning Iggy Azalea as my "worst trending female singer" and throning Meghan into that place. Now to get to the problems.

Lyrics - The lyrics to this song are just awful. Yes, the first one "dear future husband, here's a few things you'll need to know if you want to be my one and only all my life" gives a hint about the song. Yes, she wants the boys to do what she wants, in a rather sexist manner, much like the video of Elle King's hit, eh? However, Elle's song's fault was how boring it was and the video it has. This song's fault is just about everything possible. The rest of the lyrics are her Monica Geller-like approaches to dating her and marrying her, like "you gotta know how to treat me like a lady". I forgot most, but I know what they are about anyway. Sexist.

And who could defend a lyric like "never see your family more than mine"? Is she literally controlling the husband into doing what she should do?

Beat - I like the beginning, but the rest is awful. It's sampled from Runaround Sue, and most of it is just as bad as the bugglegum pop seen in Sugar, don't forget the butchering of doo-wop pop. Would be better if someone sang it in a Chordette style, but Meghan was too lazy to do so.

Video - I really like the house and the outfits they wear, but everything else is awful. I feel bad for her two backup dancers, because they must be tired of her. The video features her and boys doing their best to impress her, but one mistake and it's like "no second chances" get out, and then the rest is sexist, like her cleaning the floor like a "looks better than personality"-type housewife and then dragging the right boy in at the end. God! Even worse than Ex's and Oh's!

Everything Ex's and Oh's did wrong, this takes them to a whole new level. 1/10. The only reason it got a point was for the beat being OK at times, but everything else sucked.

Comments

I hate these types of songs! It was clearly even worse than AATB! - visitor

Anything by this so-called "artist" sucks. - Swellow

Good review - Martinglez

This was a monstrosity. Nice rant.

Another thing you forgot to note: the key change in the second chorus was possibly the weakest key change of all time. - WonkeyDude98

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