Top Ten Genius Tactics for Getting Rid of a Friend

DGAcoustic
Amir is a genius strategist when it comes to thinking of ideas to get rid of friends. If you're trying to get rid of a friend that you just can't stand to be around any longer. This is a top ten list of ideas, taken out of Amir's fictitious book of genius strategies, that will help you get rid of that certain someone who you absolutely can't stand any longer.
This list is a non-votable list and the content of the list reflects the opinion of its author.

The Top Ten

1 Move Very Far Away from Your Home. Out of the Country If Possible.

Very Simple. If you move away, even if your friend says that you and him/her can still stay connected through text, you can simply ignore them for the rest of your life. Live a cozy life in a new place while they stay behind wondering where you are and when you'll come back. Cruel, but easily the most effective tactic to getting rid of a friend forever.

2 If Your Friend is Desperate for Help, Just Look Away

Easily the second best way to get rid of a friend. As a friend you're suppose to be there for eachother in times of crisis. If you don't want to be friends with the person who's saved your life and has always been there for you in times of disaster, then simply turn your back when that said friend needs help the most. Very Simple.

3 Pelt Fruit, Specifically Pomegranates, as Hard as You Can at Your Friends Body. Don't Hold Back!

This one is very simple. Naturally, people don't want their bodies to be covered in the juice of a delicious fruit. That is why this is quite the effective method to making a friend dislike you. And if you pelt hard enough, they definitely wont want to be your friend anymore.

4 Frame Your Friend for a Crime They Didn't Commit

This one is a little tricky because you have to make sure you don't get caught, but it's easily one of the most effective methods to getting rid of friend. If you're having trouble thinking of the perfect crime to frame your friend for, try this.

1. Mark your money
2. Slip it under your friend's mattress next time you have the chance
3. Tell your parents, specifically dad, that you lost your money at your friends house
4. Ask if your dad can drive you over
5. Grab the money from under your friends mattress
6. Your friend serves a life sentence in jail for thievery

So simple, but so very effective. You can't fail!

5 Give Your Friend the Silent Treatment

Old school, but very effective. By not speaking to the friend you want to get rid of, your sending unspoken hints to him/her that you don't to talk thus leading to you not wanting to hang out. What's great about this method is that your friend is doing all the work to end the relationship for you by putting together the pieces to the puzzle by using your clues.

6 If Your Friend is Illiterate, Read Them Incorrect Details from a Book and Point Out His/Her Stupidity

Pretty self-explanatory. People don't like being made fun of, but having their insecurities pointed out will really drive some emotions through the body. Not the most effective tactic, but your friend definitely won't want to hang out with a douche who makes them feel stupid.

7 Show that You're Embarrassed to Be Seen Hanging Out with Your Friend

It's better to have someone else point your embarrassment out for you when your friend is around and then play along as if they're clearly right because then you don't have to man up, or women up, the courage to say anything yourself and your friend can come to their own conclusions. Not the best way to get rid of a friend, but if you're desperate you have no reason to be complaining.

8 Have Your Friend Serve You Until He/She Realizes that the Relationship Isn't Worth It

This is when you have to start getting desperate. Although this method does involve you demonstrating that you're a complete douche bag with no appreciation, it will get your friend to leave you alone because they'll begin to understand that whenever you hang out he/she will have to work for you.

9 Tell Your Friend that You're Friendship Represents a Tree, Maybe a Pomegranate Tree, and Then Kill the Tree

Not a great method, but will certainly get the point across. Your friend will notice the symbolism and connection between the tree (friendship) and it's death and then will begin to see that you have no interest in hanging out anymore. Environmentally unwise, but it'll work.

10 Your Friend is Simply Too Loyal and You'll Have to Accept Being the Luckiest Person in the World for Having Someone Who Will Stand by Your Side After Doing Everything on This List to Get Rid of Him/Her V 4 Comments



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