Top 10 Darkest Episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants

I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm...NOT READY!!! Look out, world, because today, TCC is looking at the top 10 all-time darkest episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants (with a few honorable mentions in the mix as well). Also, please know that this list is based solely on opinion, and does not necessarily reflect the views of everyone who may watch the show.
This list is a non-votable list and the content of the list reflects the opinion of its author.

The Top Ten

1 Nasty Patty

This Season 3, pre-movie episode, "Nasty Patty", gets the number one spot on TCC's list of all-time darkest episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants. Why? Well, does believing you murdered somebody and frantically trying to hide the body while playing it cool for the police NOT sound dark? Yeah. I thought so. Also, the whole thing is played for laughs (albeit, dark laughs) so...yeah.

Kind of encouraging kids to poison people and bury their bodies, no?

2 One Coarse Meal

Just barely missing the mark at being the all-time darkest episode of SpongeBob is "One Coarse Meal". One of the most hated SpongeBob episodes of all time, and as you can see, one of the darkest as well. It involves an attempted theft, a phobia, a prank gone WAY too far, and an attempted suicide to top it all off. Oh, and I did I mention the bad guy wins?

The REAL bad guy, I mean.

3 Earworm

Ah, "Earworm", an underrated darkest episode all about the consequences of doing drugs. Of course, actual drugs would be a bit too dark, so they used a catchy song as a substitute. Complete with the hook-up (first hearing the song on the radio), the addiction (buying the song and then listening to it over and over and over again), the consequences (not paying attention to the job at hand and flinging food into customers' faces), the threat of punishment (Mr. Krabs threatening to fire SB if he plays that song again), the withdrawal (I'll let you figure this one out), and the attempts to stop the craving.

Oh, and also the spread, but that's a different story, and a different tune.

4 Are You Happy Now?

Poor Squidward. He's played the Butt-Monkey before, but this is ridiculous! SpongeBob (whom, at least once this season, is actually trying to help Squiddy out for a change) tries to help Squidward find a happiest memory when it turns out he doesn't have one. But when all attempts fail, Squidward decides to go hide in his house and never...WAIT, IS THAT HIM ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE?!

Oh. Guess not.

5 Rock Bottom

Okay, so imagine this scenario. You just had the time of your life at your favorite amusement park, and you're on the bus home, when you realize...you're not headed home. Now imagine you accidentally sort of ticked the driver off and he kicks you out of the bus, stranded in a strange, unfamiliar place, where the people are WAY different from what you remember, and everything seems foreign to you.

Now you're in SpongeBob's shoes. Which are currently standing on sentient sand.

6 Spongehenge

Welcome to Spongehenge, a large assortment of kitchen-sponge shaped statues that literally whistle in the wind. Their whistling is known to attract jellyfish, just like their creator's. Speaking of their creator, he was a young man who ended up chased away from civilization and all the things he loved by the jellyfish, who are just too attracted to his whistling pores to let him go. So he spends years, decades, building an army of statues, so that while the jellyfish were distracted, he could return to all the things he loved...only to find it was too late. But he was still pretty lucky...

...most abducted people never get the chance to go back.

7 SpongeBob vs. The Patty Gadget

This episode is actually darker in the core than it is on the surface. The episode is about Squidward bringing a giant patty-cooking machine to work one day, with Krabs amazed at its productivity. And best of all, he doesn't have to pay it a thing! But when SB realizes his job is at risk, he quickly sets out to keep this over-sized hunk of scrap from taking his job. He succeeds...and seemingly loses his life in the process.

Of course, it's all played for laughs, and because this is a light-hearted children's show, SpongeBob is, of course, still alive by the end. Still though, you have to admit, it's a subtle, yet obvious nod towards the past and present Industrial Ages...

8 Spongebob vs. The Big One

Mr. Krabs forgot to pay the electrical bill one sweltering summer (ugh), so SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs all go down to sunny, sandy Goo Lagoon, where they open for business on the beach, and SB hangs out with his friends Patrick and Sandy. Of course, for some reason, Krabs thinks that going out onto the waves to sell patties is a good business strategy, so that's what he does. Unfortunately, a failed attempt by Patrick to get onto the Krusty Krab official surfboard causes the biggest splashdown ever, causing Mr. Krabs (and his cash register) to nearly spend eternity in Davy Jones's Locker, Sandy to wash up on a deserted island, and Squidward, Patrick, and SpongeBob to end up on an unfamiliar, uncharted lagoon.

And now, they're going to have to go it alone, in places they've never been before, with limited resources (and intellect). A lighter way of saying, "hopelessly lost".

9 Shanghaied

While this episode is certainly more light-hearted and funny than most of the episodes on this list, TCC can still see the darkness underneath. Three guys who get lured into being abducted, a [literal] monster who wants to make them all his slaves, and the consequences should they not listen...sounds a lot like trafficking to me. Also, let's not forget the alternate two endings (definitely SUPER dark).

Though you have to admit, any part where Patrick's speaking is inherently funny. Especially..."LEE-LEE-LEE-LEE-LEE! "

10 Sailor Mouth

And now, let's take a look at the least dark entry on this list (at least in TCC's opinion). It did, of course, make the list due to the incessant swearing (which is thankfully censored by dolphin chirps and foghorns). Truth in television, it shows how SB learns a bad word, says a bad word, spreads a bad word, and pays for a bad word.

Of course, the darkest thing about this episode was the fact that the cast actually WAS swearing (it was just censored out with "bleeps" later on).

The Contenders

11 Club Spongebob
12 Doing Time
13 I Was a Teenage Gary
14 The Abrasive Side