Top Ten Absurd Things to Read In a Parenting Manual

Kids can be so much hassle, and sometimes, the parents need help. But if you buy a PositronWildhawk-branded parenting manual, you bought the wrong one. Bear in mind that I'm not yet a father.

The Top Ten Absurd Things to Read In a Parenting Manual

1 The worst pains of your life shall soon be at their peak. A swift, profitable efficient way to end it all can be found via eBay.
2 If your child is screaming in a public place, it would be advisable to take him/her home before shooting them.

This parenting manual comes with a free rifle! - Turkeyasylum

And a guide on how to shoot it:

Step 1: Aim the rifle at the child's head.

Step 2: Pull the trigger.

Step 3: Experience bliss from no more screaming. - FluffyBanana

3 Teenage parents, at this stage you may be experiencing mixed and spontaneous sensations of arousal. If this has anything to do with your child, you should consider window-shopping for 5-star mental institutions.

Frustration is a normal emotion. - ToptenPizza

4 You are likely to want to deeply connect with your child, and if you do this, you might be taken to court.

Is this a sex reference? - RockFashionista

5 When a second child is born, the older sibling may become jealous of the younger. Fortunately, this shouldn't trouble them for too long, given time for them to accept their place.
6 It is a common myth that one should not choose between one's children. Choose the one that will more likely get a PhD.

Sorry, mommy has only enough love for one of you

So hard to vote! - gemcloben

7 You may find that help is at hand from the people of your local community. Leaving a baby on a doorstep practically guarantees results.

You can vouch, right Harry? - keycha1n

8 There are many stimulating and interactive outdoor activities that a parent can have with their children. Survival of the fittest is a recommended theme, and don't forget your rifle.

Haha, I love this one. - Luxam

OK, so the kids are going to kill each other like Predator VS Prey, except Mom's shooting them with a rifle?

9 Some children may go through a stage in which they do not eat their greens. Show them by undernourishment that it's their loss, by a recommended diet of one pea per day.
10 During pregnancy, a kicking baby is a healthy baby. But if the baby doesn't stop it, nothing will stop your husband from kicking back.

The Contenders

11 Remember if you ever get into trouble with your kids then give them Pokemon Go!
12 It's too late to go back now
13 Remember kids, don't trust your parents!
14 You will need a lot of poke balls
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