Top 10 Absurd Ways Santa Claus Could Be a Communist

So it's 22 December 2015, of the Third Annual Christmas Countdown. We all know that Santa Claus is one of the biggest western influences of Christmas, but there is some speculation that Santa could be a communist. How? Let's check the reasons.... And by the way, don't take this list too seriously.

The Top Ten

1 He looks like Karl Marx

Guess what Santa Claus is fictional and is based on Saint Nicolas.

Go to a shop like WH Smith or Waterstones if they still sell them if not try Amazon UK. Then buy a book called Graffiti Doodle by Andrew Pinder. You will find him in there and turn him into Santa Claus lol.

Santa original name Father Christmas, used to be a skinny man who wore green.

Santa is a communist because he doesn't wink in the Coca Cola advert anymore.

2 He wears red

This is an obese elderly man who is older than any human being, he can deliver presents to kids in one night, he has a flying sleigh and flying reindeers one has a red nose that lights the sky for him. He also has elves to make the toys. He drinks booze from every house he goes too. Then how many homes have chimneys nowadays.
He seems fine with other men younger than him impersonating him in "Santa's Grotto"

Santa wears red. So does Satan. Spell Santa differently and get Satan. Satan wears red. USSR is red. Satan is USSR confirmed. - SirSkeletorThe3rd

By that logic, the republican party is communist.

Red is the color of Communism. Enough said.

3 He wants to redistribute the wealth of everyone, like the Communists do.

But how come upper class kids get so many different presents and working class kids get a select few? - PositronWildhawk

That's what I was thinking. So I guess Santa supports Capitalism? - Alpha101

That is actually a good thing.

4 Most of his gifts are "Made In China"

NICE! love this one

This is actually a pretty good reason. I have never gotten a present that says "Made in the USA" or some other country. - BlueTopazIceVanilla

And we all know that China is a communist country.

I laughed so hard at this one! Very unique list! - Alpha101

5 He has a beard, like Stalin, Lenin, Fidel Castro and other communists

He has a beard like Saint Nicholas, and the Father Christmases of UK before Victorian era. (When the American Santa Claus came)

Merlin, Gandalf, Dumbledore.

Does that mean the Robertson family are communists too, - bobbythebrony

Stalin didn't have a beard, neither did Lenin (they had amazing mustaches though)

6 Santa's reindeer is red-nosed

The other reindeers made fun of Rudolph till Santa realised that he could help him.

See, red again - Metal_Treasure

(this isn't serious right?!?!?! )

Dang it, Rudoplh. - Luxam

7 "Santa Claus is coming to town" is more like a communist parade

Yeah, and that's how he knows where everyone lives - TwilightKitsune

Yeah. AND, the song says, "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake…" which just shows an example of the vice grip of Communist governments. - BlueTopazIceVanilla

No doubt, this line refers to the KGB - "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake". KGB knows everything. - Metal_Treasure

Don't be PC.

8 "Ho Ho Ho" means "Workers Unite!"

You know, the motto of the Soviet Union was "Workers of the world, unite! "

I thought it meant "Nick Minaj" because she is one. - Skullkid755

Please, don't tell me that this is in any way serious

Skullkid755 no that would be Hoe Hoe Hoe not Ho Ho Ho

9 The KGB has its list of who's naughty and nice, like Santa Claus!

And they put glowing hot coal in your stockings - while your feet were still in them - Billyv

10 Rudolf is a Russian name

Germanic name - 445956

Russia was the biggest communist country in the world...and Rudolf was Santa's reindeer.

Rudolf is a Germanic name and I guess Santa got Rudolf, The red nosed reindeer, from the Marxist wing of the German Communist Party. - Metal_Treasure

It's actually a German name - EpicHorrorMaster

The Contenders

11 If you play "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" backwards, you'll hear "Die, American Capitalist pigs, die!"

Not true - 445956

Another song we all know but where there is a hidden message in reverse... - PositronWildhawk

Can someone send me the link to listen the reverse? - SamuiNeko

This is honestly the funniest thing ever!

12 He is always watching
13 Part of Russia is in the Arctic Circle

He lives in Lapland.

14 He loves vodka

That's right he drinks 24 million glasses.
He doesn't drink milk.

15 He has God powers

Reindeers that can fly one with a red nose that lights the way, he can fly faster than the speed of light, on Christmas Eve he delivers every present to every child who celebrates Saturnalia/Yule/Christmas/Chrimbo.

16 His original name was Father Christmas

Before the Americans invented Santa Claus

17 This is a man who can deliver presents to kids on one night, has elves. He can go down a chimney he is also obese, he drinks loads of booze from the houses.

And how many homes even have chimneys nowadays?

18 We don't know his wife's first name.
19 He is immortal
20 He is fine with other men dressing up as him and giving kids a present.
21 He flies faster than the speed of light
22 He flies on a Space-Race era sled around the world in one night. (Powered by unknown forces.)
23 He can open doors with a magic key.
24 He sees you when you're sleeping... he knows when you're awake...
25 He knows if you've been good or bad
26 He has a naughty and nice list
27 He gives coal to naughty
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