Top Ten Amusing Genuine Comments On Patient Charts

PositronWildhawk
These are actual comments that doctors have made on patient reports. They're slightly unsettling.

The Top Ten

1 Patient has no past history of suicides.

If he commited suicide in the past he wouldn't be alive which means he won't be at the doctor's office - Ajkloth

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2 Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

This will come across as a glitch later on, I'm sure. - PositronWildhawk

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3 She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Whew! Hot flushes! That doctor must have had other things on his mind while writing this patient's chart... Either that, or he's got a bloody good sense of humour!
Hot in bed last night, indeed... Haha! - Britgirl

4 She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

Well, it must be a load off her mind. Ha! Load! Geddit? A LOAD off her mind.. ? Oh forget it! - Britgirl

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5 I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
6 Patient expired on floor uneventfully.

How very uneventful. Why do I make these lists?!?! - PositronWildhawk

7 Patient was to have bowel resection before he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
8 Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Before we save your life, please agree to the terms and conditions in advance if you wish to continue life. - PositronWildhawk

9 Patient seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.
10 Patient died but got better

You mean they'd stopped breathing so you resuscitated them... they're either horrific at English or should not be handling live objects of any kind!

The Contenders

11 Patient in usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
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List StatsUpdated 19 Sep 2017

11 listings
3 years, 283 days old

Top Remixes

1. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
2. Patient has no past history of suicides.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
PositronWildhawk
1. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
2. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
3. Patient has no past history of suicides.
Britgirl

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