Top Ten Amusing Things Genuinely Seen In School Textbooks

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 Mechanics Textbook: "A 60kg woman is in a lift accelerating upwards at 2ms^-2. Find the reaction force magnitude on the woman. It decelerates at 1.5ms^-2. Find the reaction force on her during this period. Explain why she feels heavier at first."

This was in MY Mechanics textbook, as a matter of fact. Me and my friends were shocked but laughing. And the teacher just stood there, knowing something odd was going on, just not what. - PositronWildhawk

2 Physics Textbook: "Which letter represents energy? P, E, R, V?"

Ansewer: E. This is e-asy!

3 Mandarin Language Textbook: "'内心深处' means 'deep inside'. Example phrase: '别人的老婆内心深处' means 'deep inside someone else's wife.'"

This wasn't the kind of "creative language" I had in mind. - Rocko

4 Glossary In Statistics Textbook: "Crying: What you feel like doing after writing a statistics textbook."

Is it really that bad? And is there really the need to revise that? - PositronWildhawk

5 Biology Textbook: "First known picture of Michael Phelps" (depicts cartoon of one sperm cell swimming ahead of all others)

And I'm sure Michael Phelps and his parents are proud. - PositronWildhawk

Michael Phelps should realise where he got his talent from! - Kiteretsunu

6 Picture shown of a family standing around a model of Spongebob. "Here is an American family of mother, father and two children. Please note that the large yellow kid of poor complexion is not a member of this family."
7 Biology Textbook: "The hypothalamus plays a major role in the regulation of basic biological drives related to survival, including the so-called 'four Fs': fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating."

Yeah. If I were still doing biology, I'd get the revised edition. - PositronWildhawk

Reminds me of a time I dropped a (very) awkward innuendo in class: my biology teacher talks about how there are two Fs to do with adrenaline (fight or flight) and I said "There's another 'F' but it's best we don't talk about it."
This is why I never speak up. - Rocko

8 Junior French Language Textbook: Image Shows Two People Peeing In Bush; Woman Walking By Says "Bonjour".

That is just weird the woman sees two people peeing in a bush with their privates in the air and she's all like "bonjour people peeing in a bush is not weird and I don't mind their privates sticking up in my face. But what does that have to do with French it more has to do with weird towns with weird people who do not mind nudeism. - Tiffgirl

I can picture the image. The sort of thing immature, narrow minded idiots would guffaw at... YES! I found this funny! Haha! - Britgirl

9 Junior Maths Textbook: "Should you say 'nine and five is thirteen' or 'nine and five are thirteen'?"

You should say nine and five are thirteen because you're talking about two things. And by nthe way, I'm not sure what it was asking. - funnyuser

Wow. The answer probably has something to do with hores (see PositronWildhawks list of true exam answers). - PetSounds

10 Chemistry Textbook: "To form a polyphenyl molecule, the monomer must count the penile functional group"

The Contenders

11 "Congresswoman Michele Bachmann argues in favour of drilling oil ; but consider this. Bachmann is a total moron; a complete idiot who wouldn't recognise an oil well if she bumped into one. Clearly her arguments are ridiculous."

Sometimes, these arguments have to be made. - PositronWildhawk

12 Physics Textbook: "A jerk drops a ball on my head from rest from 5m up. It accelerates under gravity. How fast was it moving when it hit my head?"

Enough to kill you...

13 A Helicopter is Flying 120m Above a Helipad and a Dog is 75m Away from the Helipad. If the Dog Could Fly, How Far Would It Have to Go to Get to the Helicopter?

I once saw this as a word problem on a maths textbook page about Pythagoras' theorem.
I'm not even joking. - Rocko

14 English Textbook: "There are None So Blind as Stevie Wonder"
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14 listings
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Top Remixes

1. Mandarin Language Textbook: "'内心深处' means 'deep inside'. Example phrase: '别人的老婆内心深处' means 'deep inside someone else's wife.'"
2. Mechanics Textbook: "A 60kg woman is in a lift accelerating upwards at 2ms^-2. Find the reaction force magnitude on the woman. It decelerates at 1.5ms^-2. Find the reaction force on her during this period. Explain why she feels heavier at first."
3. Biology Textbook: "The hypothalamus plays a major role in the regulation of basic biological drives related to survival, including the so-called 'four Fs': fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating."
Metal_Treasure
1. Mechanics Textbook: "A 60kg woman is in a lift accelerating upwards at 2ms^-2. Find the reaction force magnitude on the woman. It decelerates at 1.5ms^-2. Find the reaction force on her during this period. Explain why she feels heavier at first."
2. Physics Textbook: "Which letter represents energy? P, E, R, V?"
3. Glossary In Statistics Textbook: "Crying: What you feel like doing after writing a statistics textbook."
PositronWildhawk

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