A Sarcastic Overview of Brothers

PositronWildhawk
Parents. A pair of unnaturally but possibly happily coupled individuals, whose genetic sequences each have their ups and downs. At a stage where they each have the same idea on their minds: “You’ll Do”, they consider experimenting with their genomes more than once to obtain some highly arbitrary results, and simultaneously contribute to the economy by making it strain under its ever-accumulating population. As a scientist, I am intrigued by the large-scale and long-term consequences of this experiment. My advantage is that I can never be away from it all. I, like this miniature me without the cool, the dynamism, or the necessary qualifications to count to seven, am a specimen!

So what do I know about this miniature me, you may ask? And what significance does it have in this biological survey? To speak with sentiment for a moment, I began life as an innocent, incorruptible infant without a worry in the world, and that, I think,reflects malevolently on me as a philosopher. I should have told my two-year-old self that there are many things wrong with the world. For instance, if the Teletubbies were meant to traumatise children of that age, the writers wouldn’t turn a blind eye to the odds of what would become of four weirdos in suits being left without reservation and order. The micro-culture that they would exhibit, as well as their individual minds, would become evil and deranged, as the more insightful of us may see is a severe issue with civilisation, hidden from today’s youth. If Dipsy ever were to watch the Shining, they’d all be doomed!
Then mini-me came into my life, and it was the turning point of my state of deranged karma. By being the most irritating thing in my childhood experience at the time, my eyes were opened by his restless pestering and attention-attraction to the prospect of people being idiots and jerks. I must contemplate over the first teaching that this brotherhood has given me, for deliberately showing me that I was naïve, and with my blood pressure presumably being dangerously low before, he could well have saved my life by setting my heart into an enraged and turbulent progression. Without him, I would not be the astute, afflicted thinker that I am today, and in the bigger picture, I think it is castigating childhood experiences as extreme as this which begin the various campaigns to reinstate the intellectualist human rights policies which we hold dear.

There were more insightful stimuli to come, I am excited to say. And with the things he introduced to me as he introduced himself to me, I was to respect him as an elitist know-it-all. Of course he knew best the whole time, despite my tireless stubborn argument to stick to status quo. Why was I so ignorant to question his adamant and impeccable mindset, given what I’d been shown before?
It was clear in his mind from day one that I was an idiot, and so insisted this case repeatedly. I was not to anger myself over this, only to take it on board; he clearly knew what was best for both of us, in a world governed by a ponce. His supportive evidence, he claims,could make a Top Ten List:
1. I suck.
2. Mum and Dad liked him.
3. Mum and Dad liked him more.
4. I’m not into “cool” stuff like sports, and don’t think the Moon would make a good space football.
5. I’m a geeky geek.
6. Any girl I have any hope of getting together with will have crossed eyes and a headcage set of braces.
7. I’d legitimately be boiled alive in any foreign country I set foot in.
8. He can blow up a house with his mind.
Even to this day, I am flummoxed by this alternative method of thinking. Its structure alone simply goes to show the amazing perk of life: one need not be able to count to ten to be a genius. Being of my “idiot” ilk and having an evidently strong and long-unchanged observational judgement, I wonder a lot of things about him, however, I’m certain that he has a lot going for himself, with unquestionable right and avid opinion on his mind. In life, he may be quite punchable, but hey, who doesn’t love a slimy, silly git, for the entertaining things one can do to them at their expense?
And what person of my standards would fail to see the shortcut this has on one’s argumentative willpower? There is an authentic perception on argument here, in which the simplistic and shallow arbitrary points are what make one’s case. Debating has been made much more simplistic by the inventive and sophisticated cognitive functioning of my scholarly sibling, and would make the greatest writers of the world redundant in contrast. Why make such extensive rants on one’s political or social views,when you have this approach? If it can convince the masses to support him, sort of like most speakers who promise change, it could help so many desperate ideologies get away with being terrible. Karl Marx would approve of thispowerful and single-directional approach. I know I have my case, so why did I bother to type this far?

I don’t think I’d ever want to be left out of this pioneering and extravagant enterprise, and quite stupendously, I never get a break! Having every early morning represent the sight of the miniature me chewing his breakfast like a basking shark, the sound of cheesy hip-hop music and sporting cheers emanating from his iPad, the smell of sixteen layers of decaying skin; all detectable from six streets away, and practically centred in my bedroom. This continues throughout the course of the day, the week, the year, and with this regular therapy, one knows that one is living life right: by escaping to school every weekday to be relieved of the stress at home. With that last part aside, I do find that there is entertainment where this nature of life is concerned. It truly is amazing what this boy finds fascinating, and I am always more than happy to indulge in whatever he makes me fanboy about 24/7. Who wouldn’t want to see the same boring rugby match fromstart to finish, and speculate over the potentiality of a J.J. Abrams director’s cut? Who wouldn’t want to dream about the possibility of our universe being one…giant…PENALTY TO WALES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you combine our interests, this becomes highly feasible, and I’m sure there will be a lot of elegant conversation like this to follow as we further our flawed integration. Life is sweet.

So where has this long-running biological programme taken our society? With parents all over the world creating multiple offspring, one would hypothesise no macroscopic abnormalities. My sample, however, is quite fascinating. With one set of genes from my mother and father going to me, which, for argument’s sake and no apt naming at all, we’ll call the good genes, and the other half to mini-me, which we’ll call the bad genes, polar opposites have been created from a combination of similar strands of base pairs. It is clear that the good and bad genes, when divided like so, have created some more noticeable and more refined mindful traits, and it must be this that is what makes him and I oppositely preposterous. But in the multitude of the billions of newborns in successive generations, it is not to be believed that him and I are a solitary splitting.There must be many others, and looking on the general reputation of siblings, I think we have compelling evidence of this. And to them, I say, brothers, we aren’t alone.

Comments

You would hate it, but it'd be mighty entertaining if your brother joined TTT... For me. =) - keycha1n

I didn't come to this site to come out looking foolish, which, admittedly, is a hard thing to do online. Let's see if your sister ever affects your TopTenning career. - PositronWildhawk

Aw gee... I hope not. They're crazy. - keycha1n

My point exactly. - PositronWildhawk

Ha! You loserpants! - visitor

You're a loserpants! YOU'RE A LOSERPANTS! - PositronWildhawk

Sorry, I was talking myself into a mirror. - visitor

I'm sure your sister's used to you doing that. And hot. - PositronWildhawk

My sister is 15, you pedo. - visitor

Care to introduce us? - PetSounds

Oh, do! - PositronWildhawk

Fine. You're both males and you breathe oxygen. - visitor

My sister's your age Pos, but that would be real awkward. - keycha1n

Now, keys, Pos isn't THAT hopeless of a nerd. - PetSounds

You aren't a very good liar, Pet.
Just kidding, but my sister is quite the hopeless nerd (hey, Asian famry, what are you gonna expect? ) - keycha1n

Race is irrelevant to me. You can tell her that. *wink* - PositronWildhawk

Thank jeebus it doesn't. But sorry, she's already dating another nerdy white boy (as my parents would put it). - keycha1n

Ah. I can now see the potential awkwardness. - PositronWildhawk

Right now, my brother's got a beard... And he's 16. And yes... Keycha1n sister and Pos would be awkward... Just as awkward as Keyson and Britboy (which should never happen)... - Turkeyasylum

@turkey I have a moustache. A light one, but still a moustache. At 11. - Puga

I did at your age, Puga. It's now a thick, light brown, and the best thing on my face. - PositronWildhawk

Sounds good. Mine seems to be going the Will Ferrel route (if that's who I'm thinking about). - Puga

Not bad, mein freund. - PositronWildhawk

@Puga Same thing as you. - PizzaGuy

Popcorn! - RockStarr

Space football... Dafuq? - Puga

My brother would leave in about 10 seconds. - Turkeyasylum

My brothers would bored - Therandom

He ain't heavy; he's my brother. Unfortunately. - PetSounds

The sad truth - CityGuru

I don't have a brother. - EpicJake

Oh, I may have missed but how olds your brother? - Therandom

3 years younger. - PositronWildhawk

The younger siblings aren't always bad. - AnonymousChick

What is you brother faviourite music - visitor

70% Hip-hop
20% Pop
10% Other - PositronWildhawk

Does he subject you to this kind of music? - visitor

All the bloody time! - PositronWildhawk

Who are your brothers faviourite singers - visitor

I'm not sure which are his firm favorites, but he plays enough Pitbull, Derulo and Sage for them to compete for the top. - PositronWildhawk

DEo you actually agree on any music - visitor

I bet you're brother's fun at parties…. - visitor

P