Top Ten Asinine Things for Children to Write to Santa

It's the penultimate day of the second Christmas Countdown, and here is my contribution.
The Top Ten
1 You're much nicer than that funny-talking man that also came down the chimney and hid in my room...
2 Why do rich people get more presents than poor people?

Saint Nicholas actually cared for the poor.

Yes, Santa, surely you're not a classist?!

3 Hey, fatty, why not try to lose some beef this new year?

Laugh out loud! This one is brilliant.

This should be number one.

4 This Christmas, can I get less mean and shouty parents?
5 My 20-odd siblings are taking all the presents. Please give Mummy and Daddy birth control.
6 I heard lucky kids in Africa are working as elves. I thought they only lived with you at the North Pole?
7 I want to see a signature here, here and here to confirm that you exist.

Fill these out in triplicate and a copy will be faxed to your lawyer. Should you break the verbal agreement we entered into when I came to see you at the mall, you will be hearing from my representative.

This reminds me, Last year (4th grade ) we wrote to "Santa" ( or no one or some random guy) and we actually sent it to the North Pole. I thought that it was stupid. Bad memories!

I think I might do that just for the fun of it, can you imagine how many letter the North Pole gets each year?

8 Take my brother with you!

My brother's too tall for an elf, but he's good with his hands. He's also ugly, see? Perfect elf

Yeah, my big brother will have a blast working for you, Santa.. :P

I did that when I was little, but to my sister.

9 Dear Santa, please can I have my inflamed appendix out this Christmas! NOW!!!!!!!!!
10 Despite a few bank robberies and trying to cook my brother, I've been good this Christmas! Please come!

Lol what if that letter got sent to the cops

The Contenders
11 Dear Santa, why do you always wear red? Are you Communist?

And he used to dress in green and his home was Lapland not the North Pole.
He was also based on a man called Saint Nicolas a Christian Saint.

And Americans made the name Santa, his original name was Father Christmas.

I didn't know Santa was Russian.

And Americans love Santa...

12 Dear Santa are you Karl Marx?
13 You got me a dark blue automobile last year. Get me a light blue one or else....
14 How did you not get diabetes from all those cookies???
15 You need a diet
16 Where’s Krampus???
17 How much do you weigh???
18 Do you exercise at all???
19 You need fat loss surgery
20 Are you a grandpa???
21 Do you have any cavities from all those cookies??”
22 Is your wife hot and sexy???
23 How can you drink all the alcohol?
24 Does your wife have a first name?
25 How did Rudolph get his red nose?
8Load More
PSearch List