Top Ten Asinine Things to Say During a Speech Honoring Military Veterans Who Have Died

Gemclasylum These people have served your country, so you decide to give a speech about what they've done to increase the recognition they get. After all, they don't get enough credit. So, while you prepare your speech, you decide to drink some booze. The finished product of your speech ends up being... meh. So, you wake up from a lengthy hangover, put random clothes on you found on the floor of your bedroom, and still give the speech.

But you promise yourself the speech is perfect. You read every part in confidence, but as wearing yesterday's clothes isn't disrespectful enough, you still continue to read these jokes of lines. The looks they give you, just imagine.

The Top Ten

1 Today, we remember those brave men and women who have passed away. We also have a hot dog stand outside. 1.99 each. For every man who died, we sell a hot dog. It will be a great way to remember them.

The sad part is, I don't think we would be able to eat them all (hot dogs, not veteran corpses! ) - keycha1n

You're going to have to sell a lot of hot dogs of you'd kee that promise! - Gemclasylum

Imagine what an audience would think or say after hearing that! - BKAllmighty

If you say this, you'll become the douchebag of the month. - UltimateHybridX

2 This wheelbarrow some person off the street we hired is wheeling here has the ashes of the forgotten heros of war, the dead babies. We used them to test areas for landmines, and sadly, some of them never returned back. All we heard was a boom...

Some of them? You mean there were survivors? Thank heck for that, they can file a complaint when they work out how to use a pen! - PositronWildhawk

This list made me laugh out loud! Even Grumpy Cat would get a kick out of this one! - SubliminalMessages

Well that would be, scary. - IronSabbathPriest

In reality, they did use dogs in war to test landmines, but that was way back in WWI. Using children in war would be a true sign of desperation. - Gemclasylum

3 We give honor to these soldiers, who decided to go past Call of Duty and try military in real life. For the ones who died, at least their family can sell their posessions and get richer, and if they were annoying, it's even better for them.

Uh, sir, you're on the wrong track. Maybe you should be talking about giving tribute to the dead soldiers and not trying to make families heartless and see the benefits of one of their own dying. - Gemclasylum

Perfect! I told Jimmy not to go! I told him that Call of Duty was nothing like the actual army! - letdot52

I liked all of these items. Great list, Gemclasylum - Delgia2k

4 We are glad things like this don't happen today. We still honour those who lost their lives, but they could have been playing GTA5 instead.

Forget war. PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO 5! - RiverClanRocks

5 Hello. My wife died on the war with Iraq. Am I sad at all? No, because she spent all my money. All of you in that situation
6 Soldiers die every day in war around the world. But why do they die? The ones who die are the binge drinking potheads who are useless in society. Just think about war as the thing that weeds out the weak in society.

Isn't the whole point of a speech about veterans to recognize the ones who died in war? I could just picture how many thpeople would throw tomatoes at you for this... - Gemclasylum

7 Instead of thinking about those who passed away, also remember those lucky cowards who were probably hiding in their camps, and as a result, survived.

That is really dumb to tell. - Animefan12

8 Tell us if you lost a loved one in the war. We'll adopt a baby for you so you can start from scratch.

Then they'll kill you and it'll be your family that will be adopting a new baby starting from scratch - TwilightKitsune

9 If you lost a family member, please tell us, and we will convince you how much of a loser your loved one is, and then you will be glad!
10 We went to war, and thousands of people died. Our president started the war. Therefore, our president is evil, killing civilians of his own country by forcing them to go to war.

If you were to actually say this, the audience might think you're the binge drinking pothead mentioned earlier. - Gemclasylum

The Contenders

11 Thank god for dead soldiers

This should be #1. Because people actually do this. (Westboro Baptist Church) - ryanrimmel

12 Allahu Akbar
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Top Remixes

1. Today, we remember those brave men and women who have passed away. We also have a hot dog stand outside. 1.99 each. For every man who died, we sell a hot dog. It will be a great way to remember them.
2. We give honor to these soldiers, who decided to go past Call of Duty and try military in real life. For the ones who died, at least their family can sell their posessions and get richer, and if they were annoying, it's even better for them.
3. This wheelbarrow some person off the street we hired is wheeling here has the ashes of the forgotten heros of war, the dead babies. We used them to test areas for landmines, and sadly, some of them never returned back. All we heard was a boom...
cosmo
1. This wheelbarrow some person off the street we hired is wheeling here has the ashes of the forgotten heros of war, the dead babies. We used them to test areas for landmines, and sadly, some of them never returned back. All we heard was a boom...
2. Today, we remember those brave men and women who have passed away. We also have a hot dog stand outside. 1.99 each. For every man who died, we sell a hot dog. It will be a great way to remember them.
3. We give honor to these soldiers, who decided to go past Call of Duty and try military in real life. For the ones who died, at least their family can sell their posessions and get richer, and if they were annoying, it's even better for them.
Gemclasylum
1. Today, we remember those brave men and women who have passed away. We also have a hot dog stand outside. 1.99 each. For every man who died, we sell a hot dog. It will be a great way to remember them.
2. We give honor to these soldiers, who decided to go past Call of Duty and try military in real life. For the ones who died, at least their family can sell their posessions and get richer, and if they were annoying, it's even better for them.
3. This wheelbarrow some person off the street we hired is wheeling here has the ashes of the forgotten heros of war, the dead babies. We used them to test areas for landmines, and sadly, some of them never returned back. All we heard was a boom...
EpicJake

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