Top Ten Most Asinine Ways to Attempt to Enlarge Your Genitals

The Top Ten

1 Get your genitalia stuck in a car's exhaust, and let the car accelerate quickly

People were wondering what I was doing to that car. But now they've seen this list, they know.

See girls this is what you're missing out on...

Wow...! I am so happy to be a woman.

2 Put them in a vacuum and let the drop in external pressure cause them to expand

I'm not sure what kind of sensation this would be. Or how this would affect their use. I only know the flaw; once you return to atmospheric pressure...

3 Lift the edge with a car jack

4 Amputate the rest of your body, so only your genitalia undergo growth

5 Calculate the momentum of the tip so accurately that the quantum uncertainty in their size is so large that they might as well be huge

6 Stick an air pump into your arse and inflate by hand

7 Wait until you're so old that your genitalia have gone saggy, and stretch and mould them into shape

I'll make mine into a giraffe!

8 Suspend yourself from a crane by your genitals

9 Attach several of them which you removed from corpses onto your own

Little Jimmy! Why are you naked and what the hell are you doing with that corpse?!

I literally choked on my own spit while I read this.

Okay. Bad time to be eating. **hurls**

10 Think of your grandparents

But that would make it flaccid unless you're sick in the brain

Just hang a picture in the corner of the room and...

The Contenders

11 Inject silicon into your penis

12 Stick it in your toilet and flush

13 Think of your grandchildren

14 Stretch it outward as far as you can and then upward

15 Stick it into a pencil sharpener in hopes for it to stretch

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