Top Ten Most Asinine Ways to Attempt a Jailbreak

PetSounds
What better of a time could there be for my first humorous list than PositronWildhawk's birthday? Happy 18th, you old knacker.

The Top Ten

1 Create a hacksaw out of fingernail clippings and saw through the bars
2 Pretend you're actually a logo on your cellmate's T-shirt bound for the prison laundry

"Why's your mate posing on your shirt? "

"Actually, that's really my 3D Iron Maiden T-shirt. It's an iconic photo of Bruce Dickinson." - PetSounds

3 Use your water ration to erode the cell walls

It will take me years to erode the walls only for it to be big enough for my hands to fit only :P - NexusUnterganger639

V 2 Comments
4 Starve yourself until you can squeeze through the bars
5 Sing heartbreaking songs to the guard until he pities you so much that he releases you

Or sing Barney/Dora until he can't take it anymore - TwilightKitsune

Complete with harmonica, of course. - PetSounds

6 Convince the guard that you're actually God's promised Messiah
7 Convince the guard that every year on his birthday, PositronWildhawk gets to free a convict, and this year he picked you

Speaking of which when is his birthday - Enderninja327

"That's right, old Pos himself requested my release. Says he needs me for a double-blind experiment or something." - PetSounds

Well, I guess I'd need a lawyer to confirm each case for me, so I can decide the most innocent.
Excellent birthday present, PetSounds! - PositronWildhawk

8 Cool the bars on one side of the cell to superconducting temperature, and allow the magnetic field to pull out the bars on the other side

A nice way to demonstrate the power of superconductivity. I'm sure the prison guards might take some electrodynamics lessons thereafter, if ever anyone succeeds in doing that. - Kiteretsunu

9 Argue with the forces of nature and convince them that there is no solid wall behind you
10 Convince the guard to come into your cell on the pretext of killing a spider, then knock him out

"I say, old chap, there's a rather massive arachnid perched on my ceiling, and he's making life dashed unpleasant. Slay him for me, there's a good fellow." - PetSounds

Guard: "Nah, you're Public Enemy Number One. Slay him yourself! " - sketchysteve

The Contenders

11 Sue the court for fraud, win, and get out
12 Use psychokinetic powers to lift the cell walls
13 Go travel down the toilet

That would be disgusting. Don't even think about trying it. - sketchysteve

14 Tell the guard his wife is in danger and only you can save her V 1 Comment
15 Use a spoon to dig a hole out of the jail

It would take you 897,564,872 years to do that. - sketchysteve

V 1 Comment
16 Give the cell guard a handy
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List StatsUpdated 19 Sep 2017

16 listings
2 years, 277 days old

Top Remixes

1. Convince the guard that every year on his birthday, PositronWildhawk gets to free a convict, and this year he picked you
2. Cool the bars on one side of the cell to superconducting temperature, and allow the magnetic field to pull out the bars on the other side
3. Argue with the forces of nature and convince them that there is no solid wall behind you
PositronWildhawk
1. Use your water ration to erode the cell walls
2. Create a hacksaw out of fingernail clippings and saw through the bars
3. Starve yourself until you can squeeze through the bars
PetSounds
1. Create a hacksaw out of fingernail clippings and saw through the bars
2. Pretend you're actually a logo on your cellmate's T-shirt bound for the prison laundry
3. Starve yourself until you can squeeze through the bars
JaysTop10List

WRemix

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