Top Ten Asinine Ways to Try to Colonize Another PlanetWe can't stay on Earth forever, so one way or another, we gotta find another home. Just do it sensibly, and not like what you're about to see.
The Top Ten
The average ejaculation releases 250 million sperm cells. There are 3.5 billion men in the world. Thus, 0.875 quadrillion sperm cells will be released in this event. That's 8.75 billion sperm cells for every planet in our galaxy, or the equivalent of 35 ejaculations per planet. By some statistical maneuvers, perhaps aided by genetic programming, the semen could hypothetically spread out and dump more than enough of our DNA on other planets, including those that support life. It's a long shot, but I know a fair few people who may be willing to give it a try. - PositronWildhawk
We may require some female assistance for this important scientific undertaking to insure maximum output. All in the interests of science and the advancement of humanity of course. - Billyv
Only if the sperm cells are genetically modified according to the "water bear (tardigrade)" configuration, which can survive in outer space. Then it might have a chance. - Kiteretsunu
"It's a long shot" a long shot indeed.
This is also assuming those 3.5 billion men have genitals and sperm right? - keycha1n
Or it could destroy the planet we're already on, and if not, take us somewhere useless in the spacetime continuum. The former is more likely, though. Eh, it could go either way, given that that tiny probability is at least non-zero. - PositronWildhawk
No, really, we've all been holding it in this entire time! But we can't risk any further CO2 emissions! - PositronWildhawk
I really hope this course relies more on the gravitational slingshots than the nuclear explosions. But most of all, I hope the Earth won't blow up. - PositronWildhawk
Well there are some cocepts to power a spacecraft like this - Toucan
In the long run, we can't say with absolute certainty that anything like a gravitational orbit is stable. Anything that can happen will happen, so it seems. So wait a universally long time and you might just see a nice planet come by. - PositronWildhawk
Sadly, a lot of people probably think this would work. - PetSounds
Let's flag down a ufo and tell them why - Toucan
Just as Douglas Adams envisioned. - PositronWildhawk
Then venus would be cooler and mars will be hot enough, you can have 2 habitable planets. - Harri666