Top Ten Awkward Conversations You May Have With Your Dog If Your Dog Could Talk
It would be quite something if your dog could talk, but these conversations may not break the ice the way you want it to.(To the dog) - Well, I wish you could that instead of me, but you're too dumb for that. And yeah you don't have hands, and using your mouth would be very shameful for me as your master if others saw you doing that. They would say I didn't train you properly. But yeah, to be honest, I bloody hate picking up your crap!
My dog eats her crap. I hate to pick their crap!
I was going to eat that.
I have found my dogs on my bed before. Sometimes as I wake up. I don't mind at all. Just don't judge me.
My dog randomly comes into my room. Oh look, she's here now!
Sure you can. But I get to be on top!
This is the kind of conversation that I'd rather avoid.
I'm sorry, human, that "bitch" and I are in love. You can't take that from us!
(Dog talks back) - Ain't I already neutered?
"As I speak, I am adding mustard to my bacon sandwich."
"You sick son of a bitch."
Well, I've never been able to win in this case.
(To dog) Hey, these jeans were just bought today. I spent all my savings. What did I ever do to you?
Don't even think about it. Would I do that to you?
Well, that's very thoughtful, but it only worsens the situation.
That's why dogs talk dog and we talk English.
I like you stroking me, human, but don't make this too obscene.