Top Ten Awkward Conversations You May Have With Your Dog If Your Dog Could Talk

I was going to eat that.

(To the dog) - Well, I wish you could that instead of me, but you're too dumb for that. And yeah you don't have hands, and using your mouth would be very shameful for me as your master if others saw you doing that. They would say I didn't train you properly. But yeah, to be honest, I bloody hate picking up your crap! - Kiteretsunu

My dog eats her crap. I hate to pick their crap! - DogsUnleashed

I dunno, because it was on my f&@$in' bedroom carpet?!?! - PositronWildhawk

I have found my dogs on my bed before. Sometimes as I wake up. I don't mind at all. Just don't judge me. - PositronWildhawk

My dog randomly comes into my room. Oh look, she's here now! - Wolftail

Sure you can. But I get to be on top! - Britgirl

This is the kind of conversation that I'd rather avoid. - PositronWildhawk

I'm sorry, human, that "bitch" and I are in love. You can't take that from us! - PositronWildhawk

(Dog talks back) - Ain't I already neutered? - Kiteretsunu

"As I speak, I am adding mustard to my bacon sandwich."
"You sick son of a bitch." - PositronWildhawk

Well, I've never been able to win in this case. - PositronWildhawk

(To dog) Hey, these jeans were just bought today. I spent all my savings. What did I ever do to you? - DogsUnleashed

Don't even think about it. Would I do that to you? - PositronWildhawk

Oh, how my two bitches (female dogs) dislike misuse of this word. - PositronWildhawk

(To dog) Now that's sexist. You son of a "bitch". Oh, I forgot, all your friends are sons of "bitches". - DogsUnleashed

Well, that's very thoughtful, but it only worsens the situation. - PositronWildhawk

That's why dogs talk dog and we talk English. - funnyuser