Best Blonde Jokes

List suggested and partially made by a blonde, so, relax you fellow blondes, and enjoy some laughs!

The Top Ten

1 How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?

Give her a piece of paper that has the words "Turn Over" on both sides

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

Giver her m&m's and tell her to make a word with them. - EmptyShadow

You tape it to the wall.

34 Comments
2 How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?

Her tampon's behind her ear and she can�t find her pencil.

Just like any other dude here - BorisRule

That's really funny but kind of disturbing to think about. Also kind of painful if it's a sharp pencil.

If her tampons behind her ear and she can't find her pen

8 Comments
3 How did the blonde die at the baseball game?

She drowned during the wave.

It's the funniest joke ever laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud

I don't think you're supposed to type 'laugh out loud' in full just put lol - pjo

She got hit by the basketball in the head and got a concussion. - kaitlynrad11

I tots like this one my fave!

12 Comments
4 How did the blonde get past kindergarten?

She walked past the kindergarten classroom.

She didn't the blond still is in kindergarten

That's not even good

She didn't,she just walked past the classroom - Nateawesomeness

11 Comments
5 What do you call a smart blonde?

What do you call a smart blonde? There is only two simple little words to describe this joke and that is... A miracle...

Nonexistent - RoseWeasley

Classic, but insulting to dogs. ;) I'm blonde myself and got that! Do I get a cookie? - Oreanta

Being a blonde myself I find them VERY funny-seem to ring a bell

24 Comments
6 A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops. They all hide in a barn.

The brunet hides with the pigs, he red head hides with the horses and the blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes. The cops enter the barn and shine a flash light on the pigs, the brunette says "oink oink" and the cops move on. The cops shine their flash lights on the horses, the red head goes "neigh neigh". Finally the cops shine a light on the sacs of potatoes and the blond says " potato potato".

I bet you $10 that the blonde is the reason they're running from the cops. - RoseWeasley

Brunettes protecc
Red-heads attacc
And blondes,well,
Hide in potato sacks._.

That was funny I totally laughed at that one I'm not a blond

3 Comments
7 How are a blonde and a UFO the same?

Its supposed to say "how are a smart blonde and a ufo the same" and the answer would be that you keep hearing about them but never see them

Neither of which are something you wanna come in contact with.

This is website it funny and I'm a blonde

Blondes are not as smart as redheads and UFOs are even smarter

3 Comments
8 What's the difference between a smart blond and big foot

There has been bigfoot sightings

Snap that is funny and I'm a blonde. Yet I'm in honors classes.

Bigfoot is uglier but smarter

9 Two blondes were walking through the forest and they came upon a set of tracks. They began to argue about what animal had left the tracks. Ten minutes later, they were hit by a train.

I'm a blonde and I totally got it! That's something I would totally do!

Ha me and my sister rofled for like 20 mins haha she never laughs :LL LAWL
Bu we spent 5mins trying to get that joke :L hahahaa BLONDES!

Never heart this one before. This was the only one in the top ten that actually made me laugh.

This is a classic Blonde Joke love it I'm a Blonde myself

6 Comments
10 How do you drown a blonde?

You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool... - heather

You put a cup full of water and put it in the pool and tell her don't come up till the water is gone.

Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Tell her you're going to race her to the ocean floor, and never start. - Turkeyasylum

8 Comments

The Contenders

11 How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?

Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides

My cousin did this to my sister you think someone older would understand the joke instead of falling for it

Tell her to tell if your animal is a sheep or a dog

Tell her this joke and that'll do the trick, if you don't get it, you're blonde, and the answer is she was trying to figure it out. - moonwolf

14 Comments
12 How do you get a 1 armed blonde to fall out of a tree?

Tell her to do pullups and get some one to wave at her
She'll wave back

Tell her not to faall

Tell her that the branch shes on can replace her missing arm if she brakes it off

Tell her to climb a tree with one branch she will try and jump up to the top

2 Comments
13 Why do blondes have brused belly buttons?

Because they have blonde boyfriends

Because they fell.

I'm a blonde and I wouldn't get that if someone explained it to me a million time hee hee

Not bad but not great

2 Comments
14 How did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?

She got cold and turned the fan off!

That's good and I'm a blonde

She asked the pilot if she could try and fly. The pilot said yes.

Took me awhile to figure out!

5 Comments
15 What do you call a blonde who loves her boyfriend?

Love at first sight

A hopeless romantic without the romantic part

I don't know, but obviously her boyfriend is her mirror...

The real question is, how does the boyfriend get out of it?

6 Comments
16 What do you get when a blond dies her hair brunett?

Artificial Intelligence...laugh out loud :-)

Shouldn't dies be dyes her hair must be a dumb blonde wrote this joke.

Well obviously she would be absolutely smart

A dirty blond girl - kaitlynrad11

4 Comments
17 What did the blonde see when she looked into a box of cheerios?

A bunch of doughnut seeds!
Haha
I'm a brunet

The blonde gasps then says, Bagels?

She thought that she seen doughnut seeds

Wow I think she said... Are those my glasses

3 Comments
18 A smart blonde and the tooth fairy jump off a cliff who gets to the bottom first?

The tooth fairy. The blonde needs to stop and ask for directions.

The tooth fairy of course because the blonde was light headed

The fairy, the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

The tooth faith of course! Smart blondes don't exist!

5 Comments
19 Why do blondes go to church?

Because they found Jesus cute - 0w0uwu

To learn about God

Because they think their pretty

They hail the pillars!

1 Comment
20 How can you tell a blonde in school?

She erases her to notebook when the teacher erases the board

Yea I do that all the time

21 Why did the blonde get kicked out of the M & M factory?

Because she kept throwing out the w's

Laugh out loud! I love this one. - funnyuser

Because she threw out all the w's

Because she stuck them on upside down

5 Comments
22 Why did the blonde on her way to Disney World never arrive?

She saw the sign DISNEY WORLD LEFT, so she turned around and went home.

Laugh out loud! I'm a blonde too! - funnyuser

I've been to Disney world 6 times thank you very much.
And I'm blonde.
But this is funny. - alexx3

23 What does a blonde do when she is horny?

Say, "I'm a unicorn! " - RoseWeasley

She cuts off a deer's antlers and glues them to her head

Pokes you like a hornet.

24 What do you get when you put a bunch of blondes in the freezer?

Elsa from frozen? - 0w0uwu

You get flavorless popcicles

FROSTED FLAKES

Not a brainfreeze... Blondes have no brains😂

25 What happened when the blonde tried to commit suicide?

She killed her twin sister by mistake!

Snort! Good one! Laugh out loud! I'm telling Catlin this, and she'll never regret it that bacon pig! SNORT ha! I love jokes

She couldn't figure out how to trigger the gun.

She's alive and well

26 What does a blond do when you say, Look, it's a dead bird?

Sometimes I point to the sky & said, "Look, a dead bird! " And it works almost every time. - RoseWeasley

She looks up and yells Were?

Laugh out loud I laughed at this one because I had a blonde friend who actually did this! A friend yelled "Look! Dead Bird Flying! " And my friend quickly looked up and yelled back "WHERE?! " I died laughing!

I have done this plenty of times and I'm the stupid blonde out of all my friends too. So I guess it makes sense.

2 Comments
27 Why did the blond climb the glass wall?

To see whats on the other side!

Absolutely hilarious the funny thing is I'm a blonde

A blonde is in her car she can't find her gas pettle, steering wheel... So she called the cops they came and she found out she was in the back seat of her car... Please commet!

That was good I like the fact that the blonde had the same amount of stupidity as the rest of the jokes

She thought she was looking at another room.

1 Comment
28 How do you get a blonde on top of a house?

They people inside were raising the roof and she wanted to get to mars. - 0w0uwu

Tell her the drinks are on the house

Tell her to use a ladder, she will need directions.

29 How do you keep a blonde in supsense?

Give her a piece of paper saying "flip over" on both sides. That's on this list about 5 times. - Turkeyasylum

Will tell ya tomorrow

Tell her the snake at the socket needs some water, because shes drying out.

Haha. That was funny as heck

1 Comment
30 How did the blonde commit suicide?

I'm not a blonde myself but I find this joke is very hurtful and offensive.

She put all her clothes in a pile and jumped off

She brought her hair dryer into her tub.

By sticking a fork in a toaster to get the toast out

6 Comments
31 A blonde, red head, and a brunette were running from the police...

A blond, red head, and a brunette where running from the police and hid in a nearby barn. They found three body bags and hid inside of them. When the police caught up, they found the body bags and poked them with sticks. When they poked the one with the brunette, she made a noise: oink oink. The police left it alone. They poked the second bag(red head) and she made a noise: bark bark. They left it alone. When they go to the third bag, the poked it also. The blonde inside made a noise just like the other two: potatoes.

That is the funnyist joke ever and shuld bee number 1 and I'm an blonde.

32 A blonde, red head, and a brunette are lost in the desert and find a lamp that gives them 3 wishes what do they wish for?

The blonde and the redhead wish to go home, the blonde says, 'i'm lonely I wish my friends were back! '

The brunette and the red head wish to go home and the blonde asks for her friends back

33 Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

because they dont have the recipe!!!

That is quite funny. The only one I laughed at, and I looked at hundreds and hundreds!
This just makes heaps of sense, I did this when I was younger and I WAS a blond.
LOL!

34 A blonde and a brunette jump out a window who hits the ground first?

The brunette hits first because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions tee hee

The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions

The Brunette because the blonde stops for directions.

The blonde because the brunette knows better than to jump out of a window.

3 Comments
35 What's the difference between a blonde and a UFO?

You see blonde people everywhere. it's supposed to be What's the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

None they are always talked about but never seen

People have seen a ufo!

People have seen ufos!

36 How do you confuse a blonde?

You tell her to alphabetize a bag of M&M's

You paint her blue and throw forks at her

Say, "The drinks are on me! " - froogylowlo

Give her a tomato.

1 Comment
37 What is the blonde skeleton in the closet?

She was imitating a deceased gay person - 0w0uwu

Last years hide and seek champion

The 1979 hide and seek champion

38 How many blondes does it take to do 1+2?

Every blonde girl at a starbucks - 0w0uwu

Zero, they can't do it anyways.

The blondes had to line up in a line and count to three

1 : to go get the math teacher. - funnyuser

39 How do you get a blonde to dye her hair?

you can't she will say "but I want my hair to live"

Tell her that brunettes are stupid too!

40 Why do blondes like blonde jokes?

Because they feel famous

Because They don't get it and if they do it's a miracle

They love the attention.

Because they’re true. - 3DG20

2 Comments
41 How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

Amish people are more likely to change and use a light bulb than Blondes - 0w0uwu

1 to hold it 400 to spin the house

They couldn't figure out how to get to the store to buy a new lightbulb.

None, no matter how many there are they still can't figure it out

2 Comments
42 What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.
Makes me laugh every time I see it.

It is what do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you run she has a grenade in her mouth

What would you do if she threw a pin at you?

43 Why blonde opened a candy bag at the store?

Because she needed some assistance by an employee to figure out how to open it.

44 How did the teacher know the blonde was cheating on her math test?

She didn't get a 0 - 0w0uwu

She copied the whole paper. Including the person she cheated off of's name

Good one you could of also said she passed :)!

She photocopied someone's sheet exactly, and handed it in. When the teacher asked 'where's your sheet' she couldn't even remember who's sheet she copied. So she kept going 'this one' and 'never mind, I will find their sheet somewhere! '

1 Comment
45 What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell she's got a grenade in her mouth

Well I would run because stupid probably has a grenade in her mouth

Ah that was so good

Run

1 Comment
46 How did the blonde get an A on the test?

She dyed her hair brown and thought she was smarter.

Her name started with an "A"

She copied of of a brunette.

Blinds don't pass tests

1 Comment
47 How to keep stupid guy or girl (blonde) excited?

You write 'please flip' on both sides of a piece of paper

48 Why blonde did the duckface?

She's using snapchat filters - 0w0uwu

She made it for Facebook

She was trying to impersonate Donald Duck

49 Why did the blond put makeup on her forehead?

To make up her mind

Sorry where are my lips?

50 Why did the blonde cross the road?

She was at starbuck and there was an arrow pointing at the door but the arrow is also facing the other side of the road. - 0w0uwu

So she could get to the end of the rainbow to greet the chicken

She saw her friend and went to greet her.

This one is so funny. Should number one, I have told it to all of my friends lololololololololol.!

1 Comment
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List Stats

2,000 votes
80 listings
13 years, 235 days old

Top Remixes (7)

1. How did the blonde die at the baseball game?
2. How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?
3. How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
egnomac
1. How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
2. How did the blonde die at the baseball game?
3. How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?
samantha34
1. How do you drown a blonde?
2. What is the blonde skeleton in the closet?
3. How to keep stupid guy or girl (blonde) excited?
ssserkku

WRemix
View All 7

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