Literature as told by a TopTenner: Scarlet Letter

Nonpointed
Obvious parody summary as follows:

*It is Puritan times in Massachusetts. A crowd watches as Hester Prynne receives her punishment.*

Prosecutor: You are to wear a giant red A on your dress for the rest of your life in this town for unaccounted parentage and bearing of a child.
Hester: Uh
Prosecutor: And you are to stand at a scaffold for three hours you adulteress
Random people no one cares about: "so she's an adulteress, is that what A stands for?" "Dunno" "haha she's getting humilated in public" "who cares about this stupid novel", "WHO IS THE FATHER?" "You're beautiful! I hate beautiful people!"

*At the scaffold*
Hester: Who's that...is that who I think it is?
*she notices a man who asks around*
Man: What's her deal?
Other guy: She's the adulteress who got punished.
Man: So who's the guy she got with?
Other guy: Who knows.
Man: He should be punished too!
*The man then decides to go under some pseudonym or something (haven't read this book in so long, sorry), Roger Chillingworth, and thinks himself as a doctor, he also happens to be Hester's actual husband*

John Wilson: Who did you get with?
Arthur Dimmsdale: Yeah, who did you get with?
Hester: Oh my god, stop making this a big deal already. I'm not naming names
Jailer: Let's bring in the doctor, Roger Chillingworth.
Roger: Hey, calm down. You too, baby.
Roger: So what's the deal, why can't you name names?
Hester: Honey, it's you.
Roger: Yes, it is me, I'm your husband after all. I've done wrong things during our marriage, but what you did, err. Please just tell me who it was.
Hester: I just can't
Roger: I understand. But I will find out regardless. Don't you DARE tell anyone I'm your husband though.
Hester: Why is that?
Roger: I will flat out KILL the father of this child if you tell anyone about our relationship.
Hester: Guess I'll agree. I'm regretting this already.
Roger: You'll be let out soon.

Hester is eventually freed from prison and lives alone by herself doing some sewing, while also raising Pearl, the child. She helps the poor people as well.
Pearl: I like that A
Hester: Please don't think of it as a good sign, it is a curse in my eyes.
Pearl: It's so cool though!
Hester: Please, no.
*Pearl has no friends because of her status. She gets older and more unwise*
Pearl: I hate everything!
*Church members convene, they want Pearl to be separated from Hester*
Hester: I know your rumors. I realize she's not raised right. But look what you all did to me! Minister, please.
Arthur: Hmm...*cough* Governor Bellingham, we can make an exception for now.
Bellingham: Fine.

Roger is sent to be by Arthur's side, since his health is failing.
Roger: Dude, what's wrong with you? You've been quite sick lately.
Arthur: *cough cough* Ugh, I'm fine.
Roger: No your health is declining and I can see it. (hmm, sounds like unconfessed guilt, for a minister that's...quite unbelievable).
*Roger starts to get really suspicious*
Roger: I'm gonna apply some therapy to you, Minister
Arthur: Why? *cough*
Roger: Have you been sleeping with anybody?
Arthur: Heavens, no! *cough*
Roger: Are you married to anyone?
Arthur: I thought you were a physician, not a therapist. It's getting late, get some rest *he goes to bed*
*Roger then sneaks in, notices a burned symbol on Arthur's chest*
Roger: Hmm

*Arthur then goes to the square*
Arthur: This is the place.
*He goes to the scaffold*
Arthur: I, I hate myself. I did it. Wait, no one's around. I'm not brave enough.
Hester: (silently) I need to release my vows.

*Arthur is in a forest, Hester finds him*
Arthur: So he's after me.
Hester: Yes, please leave soon. I will join you.
Arthur: I feel happier.

*Election Day*
Arthur: Salutations, everyone in town. I'm glad everyone has enjoyed our sermon. You may exit the mass now.
*everyone leaves, but stops to see on the scaffolding, not just Hester, but Arthur as well*
Arthur: IT WAS ME! *dies*
Random people no one cares about: "Wait, did you see a scar on the minister's naked chest?" "Yeah, it was an A like Hester's" "what the heck?" "I don't think anything's right anymore"
Roger: Well, there goes my will for revenge. Guess I'll die alone but give that little girl Pearl some inheritance money.

*Hester then returns to her quiet life away from others. She continues to wear the A until her death, and is buried with Arthur.*

Comments

This is so accurate. - visitor