Best Chuck Norris Facts

The Contenders: Page 2

21 Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses.

This one REALLY took the cake!
Just as the underestimated: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun".

yeah pretty much the best chuck norris joke.

at least that I've seen in a while.

Hahahhahahahah! I lol'd SO hard! That's not possible! p.s. I'm not stupid. - Jammer196

My fiend clogs the toilet every time he lets loose a pie!
Tru' that'!

V 5 Comments
22 Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Awesome! Imagine someone sleeping with their head on a gun and a pillow underneath! This one should have been rated way higher!

Simple but hilarious! The jokes that are only one sentence are always the most funny.

V 2 Comments
23 Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.

Laugh out loud this one absolutely needs to be in the top ten^^
Imagine someone killing with a spoon!

V 2 Comments
24 Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Laugh out loud, that's so funny cause manslaughter is not supposed to be funny. He kills people.

V 1 Comment
25 Chuck Norris Can Do a Wheelie On a Unicycle

So simple so funny

26 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

The only one thus far to have made me laugh except for the one talking about how he is in control and how he knows Victoria's Secret.

This is hilarious. He killed all the life out of it. That's why mars is red, it is covered by blood.

Absolutely correct. They met such a fate because they insulted Chuck Norris by addressing him as the "Norris of Chuck". - Kiteretsunu

Because he annihilated the planet. - Metalhead1997

V 6 Comments
27 Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag girls. He potato sacks them.

This one is different than the usually stupid Chuck Norris jokes. Love it. I actually laughed at this one.

Laugh out loud ill never look at a potato sack the same way.

I'm actually crying, this is one of the only ones on this list to make me laugh out loud. Love it

This makes no sense. Nice job this is funny.

V 3 Comments
28 The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Because he punched a horse, it's neck got real long? Like a knock-your-block off robot? Meh. OK joke.

Ie he can change the dna of something just by touching it! Made me laugh!

This is actually the only thing on this website that made me laugh. The unbelievable stupidity...

29 Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Laugh out loud Tom Cruise invented pink. This made me laugh my butt off. - nintendofan126

Tom can do pink better than no man, laugh out loud

What about black metal? - Metalhead1997

Nice one bro... Tom cruz invented pink... Hilarious.. It's like christmus in july, norris invented all color except pink, because he is menliest man on earth..

30 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

never heard this one hahaha. There are other funny ones but this is new.

As a member of the revolving door's fan club, I gotta share this with the others! Laughed off asses will be everywhere!

That's good. Please, tell me. Who came up with this? Don't try and take credit, everyone. It's really good.

V 1 Comment
31 Chuck Norris doesn't sleep ... he waits.

Hilarious. It's like "lol" what is he waiting for.. But deep down, you know.

Read this years ago... I still laughed, silently, as I didn't want to a"wait" Chuck Norris... Sh.

He's basically like a Terminator, in the sense that they don't sleep. - Metalhead1997

My favorite so far. Laughed out loud

32 Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

To funny for words

It's unloaded gun

Because the bullets all knew what would happen if they tried attacking him. They were scared. - Metalhead1997

33 Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.

Damn good one. I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. But this is hilarious

That has to be the best fact. Hand down.

HAHA I heard something like this before but it was a long time ago. But as soon as I heard it before I CRACKED IT IN THE FLOOR

V 4 Comments
34 Chuck Norris counted to infinity in Chinese ... twice.

I'm aliteracy only commenting because I'd like to point out how awesome it is that your 9. I'm a kid too. We like the same things as adults. GO KIDS!

So funny I am 9 years old and can count in Spanish to only 30!

35 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it.

Best. One. YET! They're all great. But this one is awesome! I have one: " a bullet hit chuck Norris...
and the bullet said ouch" laugh out loud

V 2 Comments
36 Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

This is different my friend :D It actually make me laugh :DD

I think he can carve his name on diamonds too! - Kiteretsunu

37 Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.

Should at least be in the top ten. This one and the Waldo are too funny. Waldo is #5 currently "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. "

There's the yo mamas so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone joke - Harri666

Yeah, Go Chuck Norris you're the best! - Animefan12

V 2 Comments
38 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

The only one that has truly made me laugh. The it was came out six foot tall and had learned karate part was just brilliant

I agree! Its the only one that actually made me laugh its funny if you just imagine chuck doing that

God... I'll never look tmnt the same way again

39 Chuck Norris gave birth to himself. V 1 Comment
40 Toronto made a replica of Chuck Norris's penis. They just used his initials and called it the CN Tower

Laugh out loud.. Funny jokes dude... I can stop laugh after reading this one...
But the best jokes is at number 17...
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. - muhammadfajri

Nice I actually laughed at this one.

So true. I laugh out loud'd at this one the hardest of all. I can know say I've been Inside a replica of Chuck Norris Penis :D

V 1 Comment
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List StatsUpdated 29 May 2017

8,000 votes
478 listings
9 years, 257 days old

Top Remixes (33)

1. There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control
2. Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.
3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
1. Chuck Norris converted God to atheism
2. Chuck Norris Can Do a Wheelie On a Unicycle
3. All men are created equal. Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.
1. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
2. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
3. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.

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