Best Disses Ever

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them.

The Top Ten

1 Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

I would change mum to you are so fat but everything else is good

V 519 Comments
2 Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

This is so old. - Luckys

V 277 Comments
3 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

I read the title of this list as Best Diseases Ever.

V 478 Comments
4 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

#old memories of this song

Like Riley

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

V 200 Comments
5 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

You gots roasted

There's these boys in my school (who is a pain in the butt and annoying but hey that's boys for ya) so we had a roast battle and of coursed I used this one. I nearly got in trouble because of this since they're such snitches.


V 337 Comments
6 When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud


Finally a good one. - Luckys

V 374 Comments
7 You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

That was a really good and creative diss and made me laugh for ages! Well done

The best diss ever

Best diss in the history of disses

V 309 Comments
8 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

WOW, so funny, this should be number 1

This one is such so good. I told this one the class, silence followed and then everybody was shouting " OHH"! Great!

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.

V 284 Comments
9 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

A cool diss - cleverclogs0

Your teeth are so yellow that the sun got jealous of you

This are the best


V 147 Comments
10 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult. - cleverclogs0

Cool one but still say put the sun out of business

This is clever!

Gosh this is epic!

V 109 Comments

The Newcomers

? I would diss you but it will hurt my dignity


? When it comes to human evolution, you must be a late bloomer

The Contenders

11 You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

So cool I'm gonna use this to my friend

OOF perfect for use

I like it it's just like proper funny I said it to my sister and she was cracking up

V 187 Comments
12 You're so poor even African people made you a charity.

YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!

I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!

This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa

That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this

That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool

I am from Africa and most people have a living u probably don't have a life "if African people are poor"
I am quite angry at the person who made this.

V 362 Comments
13 Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

I love this diss but hear this one you are so ugly your mom put a pic of you and put on the gate and rote be awa of the dog

Lol best diss ever

Is his head like a monkey with no hair

I am sorry but I found this the best I POST THIS ON MY SNAP!

V 398 Comments
14 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss - cleverclogs0

HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.

I really like this one its really a good diss. This is a cool one. Nice job whoever wrote this. I don't mean that in a rude way it's because I actually don't know who wrote this


V 100 Comments
15 You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.

Haha nice one! - Userguy44

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

It stands for Kill Fat Children like u

Good one... someone get me oxygen

V 186 Comments
16 You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.


All of these are good

Medusa can't be turned into stone...

This is a really good one

V 82 Comments
17 You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you.

Wow thts dope please more

Lol! - Userguy44



V 134 Comments
18 When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it


Lol dang bro this to funny

The best thing to let your enemy reead

I'm gonna die if I see this again

V 39 Comments
19 You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave


So funny, especially for football fans

I made my sister cried when I told her this

If the spelling is incorrect please correct it but killer diss wow

V 37 Comments
20 You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"

You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk


Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!

So savage lol

V 102 Comments
21 You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime

Should've said phone service instead of 'airtime'


I don't get this

It means you bought the phone service but sold your phone.

V 19 Comments
22 What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate

, this is like the best diss I've ever seen in my life! totally gonna use this in diss battles! savage!

Well in playing a Diss game
I needed this one

That is tops

V 70 Comments
23 You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

That doesn't make sense

That was a great burnQ

That is the most cheesy diss I have heard in my life but funny

I will disses someone this

V 22 Comments
24 You're so ugly, you made Justin Bieber feel happy.

Laugh out loud! I HATE Justin Bieber!

I LIKE IT Justin Bieber is my enemy

Justin bieber is such a jerk

Justin is so mean, rude and stupid I bet he doesn't even know how to spell earth

V 76 Comments
25 You're so bored with your life, you're reading this.

Umm... Actually.. You were reading this page too...

You're so ugly your face looked like a butt cheek after a liposuction - LaST_LiGHT

Um.. Some people are trying to get funny comebacks so that they can use them on other people! And you said we're so bored because we're reading this that must mean your bored. Not funny at all, so lame!

Who ever wrote this is board with there life that's why they wrote it and they had the idea

You wouldn't have known if you did not read this

You created the page you idiot that means your life stinks the most, infact I think you that this is the only thing you did Al day looser. Lame!

V 112 Comments
26 Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".

I know a friend she a whale


Really coool

funny diss

V 111 Comments
27 You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.

Wheres Mustafa at

Every funy kalisa

I laughed for a long time. I told that to somone, and I got slapped, but eh, it's still funny

This is good. The guys at school shut afterwards

V 61 Comments
28 You're so ugly when you went to the ugly contest they said "no professionals."

Nice gonna use it today. Its a very good one. It should be at the top of the list.

This diss just tops it off I was LMFAO

Haha I used this already but still funny

You know I entered this and they said what are you smuggling in up your shirt so I just said 455 Big Macs 55onion rings and yo mum!

V 73 Comments
29 Your mum is so fat, when she tried to commit suicide between two cliffs, she got stuck.

Breaking news: two cliffs got collapsed by an unidentified giant boulder


That's funny but not the best I ever heard

That's so funny laugh out loud make that into a film laugh out loud

V 34 Comments
30 Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store.

It DOES make sense.
A grocery store has food.
She was locked in there.
She didn't think to eat anything.
If you still don't understand, use Yo Mama's video on it.

Doesn't make sense.

What a nice diss

Yeses starve at a grocery store.that's like becoming obese at a gym

V 44 Comments
31 If you really want a joke, look in the mirror.

Best Dis Ever So simple But so funny Can't stop laughing every time I hear it

I told this to my enemy

I love how there are people like: "gonna use it today", "saved me from a couple of wedgies". People actually think this is useful. I like randomly dissing but if someone is bullying you, don't diss them and " get saved from 2 wedgies and a beating", just punch them in the face, beat them to the ground, stomp them and then choke them and put your fingers up their nostrils until they bleed

Amazing. That is a reall good joke

V 78 Comments
32 Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

So creative

Wicked ha ha laugh out loud

That's so funny man,i used it on someone and they cried


V 52 Comments
33 You are so poor.

You are so poor I was on my way home from work and kicked a stone and just then your mom fell out saying who is knocking

This os the most stupidest joke I have ever heard! Get a life idiot

We'll this ain't a good one

This one is so stupid and dumb

V 104 Comments
34 You so fake even China denied that they made you

I swear to god this is so funny and true

Lark so damn funny!


Nice one

V 42 Comments
35 Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide.

Nice - Arteran

Its ok but if your trying to be mean to the person why don't you say instead you don't need internet because your already world wide or something like that because it would be horrible to say something like that to there mum its not like you would like it

I made a guy cry like this but really its a little to mean and really don't recommend you using this except if your in a dire need of a good comeback or if you you just want to get the upper hand a a fight. It would be better if it was directed to th person who you were dissing or cussing (whichever one you prefer)

I said this to my girlfriend and I got a slap in the face

V 44 Comments
36 You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you.

Hello kitty said bye bye to me? Wow cool.

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

Could also be: you're so ugly One Direction went the other direction

Amazing I tried this on my enemies and my friend hilarious

V 48 Comments
37 You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.


Good diss dude

This is too much

Who ever made this is smart

V 42 Comments
38 Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet.

Thanks really useful

Stop insulting mothers

What about your dad


V 42 Comments
39 You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said "I want your weight, not your ID number."

Haha I will definitely use it

Classic dude, classic. =D

Cause I dint know this one and it's so funny

so funny

V 37 Comments
40 You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!

Too funny beat used dat if someone gets me me annoyed lol

It is really funny. It is really funny. I'll use it on a friend of mine and see what he thinks. I laughed at it really hard!



V 42 Comments
41 You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

Yo man listen to my cuss your so fat that when I was watching the titanic and you walked past I missed the whole thing

Haha but onions make u cry

Girl you ollld

This was really funny

V 36 Comments
42 You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what's on the other side.


Haha really funny

Laugh out loud this is the funniest/dopiest diss ever and that's why I love it


V 19 Comments
43 You are the reason why Hitler was born.

This is hilarious

You guys must be dumb to find it funny that people die honestly, you've got a brain of a pre-mature baby

This is jokes man were did you get this from! :) laugh out loud!

This is what you call laugh out loud

V 49 Comments
44 Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk, they go "snap, crackle, and pop."

Sad times

That was nice I kno a lot of people with dry lips I could say that to lots of peeps I was laughing out loud (lo-l) it made me laugh a lot swear it is gonna be used on lots of people... Srry for the long note

I was eating cereal when I red this

Rice kripses

V 29 Comments
45 You're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said "what a waste of sperm."

Damn that a good one

It was so funny, me and my friends were having a dis contest and I used this one and that shut them all up


Nice diss going 2 use that

V 41 Comments
46 Look in the mirror you'll see your worst nightmare

So bad and not funny


47 AAAAAHHHHH! Oh... It's just you!


I think this should be added because it is funny and it is a classic!

48 You're so fat you were mistaken as a new planet bigger than Jupiter

Oh my god I used that on my brother he is still laughing

This is not funny

Accept your mama knowing her 12 times table she counting how many condoms she will use today


Not so funny I can make a better one here yo mama so dumb she stoped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go

V 25 Comments
49 You're so stupid you stole a free sample.

Haha, lol

Laugh out loud it's the best ever

Haha laugh out loud

Ha ha that made me laugh so hard

V 34 Comments
50 Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody.


I don't get this its so wack

If everyone was sitting next to her and she was sitting on all the seats where did all the others sit? :-

If you don't get this diss. It is basically trying to tell us that the mama couldn't find a seat which she could fit in, but she said on all the seats. That is how she sits next to everybody.

V 17 Comments
PSearch List

List Stats

35,000 votes
1,222 listings
7 years, 318 days old

Top Remixes (40)

1. You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave
2. When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it
3. You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.
3. You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.
3. Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

View All 40

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