Best Disses Ever

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them.

The Top Ten

1 Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

This one doesn't work because Dora is a BLIND idiot.

2 Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!


3 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

These are all great

4 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

Why are you calling me alien when you're the one that has a deformed alien forehead?

Very good for dissing down your friends.

so good

5 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

Amazing, I died of laughter and now I'm back

So mad and funny

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

6 You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

Love it used it a million times

I ed dat 2 my bully he started crying like a lil girl

It is so amazing I dissed my mum about it with my half sister and she laughed like crazy

7 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.

I'm dying from laughter

I made that up

8 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

A cool diss - cleverclogs0

This diss is a total yes cause I'm gonna use it on everyone
Love this one

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since


9 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult. - cleverclogs0

No one could survive this

Great dissolved

I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

10 When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud


This is feckin' gold


The Contenders

11 You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

Pretty decent to use on those broke homies

My favourite


12 You're so poor even African people made you a charity.

YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!

I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!

This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa

That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this

That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool

This is stupid

13 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss - cleverclogs0


HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.


14 You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.

You could have said the only letter to describe you is K F C

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

KFC= Kills Fat Children

One of the best for sure

15 You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

Omggg that's goood like a DORA


All of these are good

Medusa can't be turned into stone...

16 Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

I love this diss but hear this one you are so ugly your mom put a pic of you and put on the gate and rote be awa of the dog

Epic diss it can't

I love this diss. It's so funny, I can't stop laughing

This is ironic for me to say this but I don't know if I find this funny or not.

17 You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave

That is so funny but very good

Haha so funny


If the spelling is incorrect please correct it but killer diss wow

18 When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it

This one to funny man.

But funny


I'm gonna die if I see this again

19 You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you.

That one just made me laugh

Ohhh what the is so funny

Boy you thought your funny your sweet as honey


20 You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"

You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk

That diss, was good but here at this:

I saw a picture of you on instagram and it was just so bad
And you say:
You should have recorded the volume of light. You probably saw your mirror image!

Hey listen " I wake up in the morning, I check my Instagram I see some boy called Richard and 2 thousand kilograms - Shidzy

Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!

Kinda mean...

21 You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime

Makes sense like really. I died inside haha

Here laughing like crazy

Should've said phone service instead of 'airtime'


22 What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate

, this is like the best diss I've ever seen in my life! totally gonna use this in diss battles! savage!

Well in playing a Diss game
I needed this one

Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up

23 You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

That doesn't make sense

So funny- I can't get over it laugh out loud

WOW how clever not. You well if your doing disses like this we might as well insult people using knock-knock jokes

I hope you get this one. - cleverclogs0

24 You're so ugly, you made Justin Bieber feel happy.

Laugh out loud! I HATE Justin Bieber!

Laugh out loud I hate Justin Bieber this put a smile to ma face ;)x

I LIKE IT Justin Bieber is my enemy

Justin bieber is such a jerk

25 You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.

very funny

Hilarious! Totally voting for u


Very deadly

26 Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".

Dang that's harsh

I know a friend she a whale

Laugh out loud this is the ultimate number 1

Really coool

27 You're so ugly when you went to the ugly contest they said "no professionals."

That is so old I heard this riding on my pet dinosaur

This is probably the oldest one in the book, but there's nothing wrong with going back to the classics.



28 Your mum is so fat, when she tried to commit suicide between two cliffs, she got stuck.

Coolest diss I will use that for my enemy


Breaking news: two cliffs got collapsed by an unidentified giant boulder

That's funny but not the best I ever heard

29 You're so bored with your life, you're reading this.

Umm... Actually.. You were reading this page too...

You're so ugly your face looked like a butt cheek after a liposuction - LaST_LiGHT

Um.. Some people are trying to get funny comebacks so that they can use them on other people! And you said we're so bored because we're reading this that must mean your bored. Not funny at all, so lame!

Who ever wrote this is board with there life that's why they wrote it and they had the idea

You created the page you idiot that means your life stinks the most, infact I think you that this is the only thing you did Al day looser. Lame!

You wouldn't have known if you did not read this

30 Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store.

She did eat the food but it was not enough

I think that a good diss

It DOES make sense.
A grocery store has food.
She was locked in there.
She didn't think to eat anything.
If you still don't understand, use Yo Mama's video on it.

I have heard that 1 before but it still made me laugh.

31 If you really want a joke, look in the mirror.


This is so funny! imma tell this to my jerk mom



32 Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

Wicked ha ha laugh out loud

Laugh out loud I used this on a bully at school! He actually reported me laugh out loud

Haha that one caught me off guard.

So creative

33 You so fake even China denied that they made you

China makes worst products including my enemy

Ew no
the things can be good

I swear to god this is so funny and true

Lark so damn funny!

34 You are so poor.

You are so poor I was on my way home from work and kicked a stone and just then your mom fell out saying who is knocking

This os the most stupidest joke I have ever heard! Get a life idiot

We'll this ain't a good one

Funny and true. - 0w0uwu

35 Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide.

Its ok but if your trying to be mean to the person why don't you say instead you don't need internet because your already world wide or something like that because it would be horrible to say something like that to there mum its not like you would like it

I made a guy cry like this but really its a little to mean and really don't recommend you using this except if your in a dire need of a good comeback or if you you just want to get the upper hand a a fight. It would be better if it was directed to th person who you were dissing or cussing (whichever one you prefer)

Nice sick, really ice!
I can say that to my haterz
Its somethings to get in someones face

Nice - Arteran

36 You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you.

Hitler was born on 20th of April
that's why I love hitler

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

Hello kitty said bye bye to me? Wow cool.

Could also be: you're so ugly One Direction went the other direction

37 You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.

That was an awesome diss got to use that one


This is too much

Good diss dude

38 Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet.

Stop insulting mothers

Is that it man that ain't funny

Thanks really useful

What about your dad

39 You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said "I want your weight, not your ID number."

Real funny. I am going to tell the bully in my class this one because he acted really stupid today. He does it everyday but today was especially. I am here right now because of him. He actually is huge I mean HUGE! I have told him how fat he was before but this should shoput him up for life. by the way he never creams so he is ashy and he looks grey. Super ugly. Mon November 11 2019

Haha I will definitely use it

This is the greatest dis of great disses

That Is cool I'm gonna say it to someone

40 You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!

It is really funny. It is really funny. I'll use it on a friend of mine and see what he thinks. I laughed at it really hard!

Too funny beat used dat if someone gets me me annoyed lol

Classic dude really classic, I'm using that one


41 You are the reason why Hitler was born.

What a diss

This is hilarious

You guys must be dumb to find it funny that people die honestly, you've got a brain of a pre-mature baby

This is jokes man were did you get this from! :) laugh out loud!

42 You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

Yo man listen to my cuss your so fat that when I was watching the titanic and you walked past I missed the whole thing

Bled wagwarn my g yea mad roast you if that was me I'd lick u in the face

Haha but onions make u cry

This was really funny

43 Look in the mirror you'll see your worst nightmare

So bad and not funny


44 You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

Laugh out loud this is the funniest/dopiest diss ever and that's why I love it


Awesome diss used this on the school bully and he ran away bawling

I love this one. I am definitely going to have to use it

45 Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk, they go "snap, crackle, and pop."

Lol this is so funny I am definitely gonna use this on someone

That was nice I kno a lot of people with dry lips I could say that to lots of peeps I was laughing out loud (lo-l) it made me laugh a lot swear it is gonna be used on lots of people... Srry for the long note

I was eating cereal when I red this

I tried this on one of my friends and everyone was laughing you should try it it is amazing to do to other people my name is joshua and my brother keenan thanks

46 AAAAAHHHHH! Oh... It's just you!

Its funny because I told it to my and went to the ofice


I think this should be added because it is funny and it is a classic!

47 You're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said "what a waste of sperm."

That is really funny


Damn that a good one

It was so funny, me and my friends were having a dis contest and I used this one and that shut them all up

48 Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody.

I don't get this its so wack

If everyone was sitting next to her and she was sitting on all the seats where did all the others sit? :-

If you don't get this diss. It is basically trying to tell us that the mama couldn't find a seat which she could fit in, but she said on all the seats. That is how she sits next to everybody.


49 You're so fat that if you put two cellphones in either side of your pocket and call the other one, it says "long distance."

the best

BEsT jOke EvEr - MatthewLC

Funniest joke ever I'm gonna use it

It is so so funny

50 You're so fat you were mistaken as a new planet bigger than Jupiter

That's not that good no offense

This is not funny

Accept your mama knowing her 12 times table she counting how many condoms she will use today

Oh my god I used that on my brother he is still laughing

Not so funny I can make a better one here yo mama so dumb she stoped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go

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List StatsCreated 8 Jul 2011

37,000 votes
1,223 listings
8 years, 159 days old

Top Remixes (40)

1. You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave
2. When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it
3. You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.
3. You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.
3. Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

View All 40

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