Best Disses Ever

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them.

The Top Ten

1 Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

One of the greatest

V 512 Comments
2 Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

I'm doing this

V 273 Comments
3 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

The person must be really ugly to insult them with this diss

V 480 Comments
4 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

This is just fine just like to cool

Wow nice I love this one

This is good

V 330 Comments
5 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

So mad and funny

Amazing, I died of laughter and now I'm back

I am deaddd I can't even type

V 200 Comments
6 You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

That a totally god one

Best. Ever. Actually. Laughed.

I'm SO using this one!
Dang that's a really funny/good one!

V 303 Comments
7 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

I'm dying from laughter

I made that up

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.

V 279 Comments
8 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

A cool diss - cleverclogs0

This was spicy and insulting

This is the best diss I ever seen

Your teeth are so yellow that the sun got jealous of you

V 146 Comments
9 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult. - cleverclogs0

It's so creative and so cool I tolled my friend this and he busted into tears


I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

V 111 Comments
10 When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud


Good one, though I wish everything had less " yo mama "

V 374 Comments

The Contenders

11 You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

So cool I'm gonna use this to my friend

Great to use in diss battles. I used this on my 1/4 cousin Carlos after he dissed me. My friends were like yeee.

Ohh I can't wait to use it on a boy in my class

V 185 Comments
12 You're so poor even African people made you a charity.

YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!

I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!

This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa

That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this

That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool

That's just a bad dis its just stupid and doesn't make sense.
P.s not ever one in Africa is poor its some country's and some people

V 364 Comments
13 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss - cleverclogs0

HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.


I really like this one its really a good diss. This is a cool one. Nice job whoever wrote this. I don't mean that in a rude way it's because I actually don't know who wrote this

V 97 Comments
14 You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.

KFC= Kills Fat Children

One of the best for sure

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

Haha nice one! - Userguy44

V 178 Comments
15 You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

Omggg that's goood like a DORA


All of these are good

Medusa can't be turned into stone...

V 81 Comments
16 Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

I love this diss but hear this one you are so ugly your mom put a pic of you and put on the gate and rote be awa of the dog

Its good but hear this one "your so ugly when u tried to correct your mom she said you're the only mistake I ever made

This is funny

This is the best diss line

V 392 Comments
17 You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave


So funny, especially for football fans

I made my sister cried when I told her this

If the spelling is incorrect please correct it but killer diss wow

V 31 Comments
18 When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it

But funny


Lol dang bro this to funny

The best thing to let your enemy reead

V 34 Comments
19 You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you.


Boy you thought your funny your sweet as honey

Wow thts dope please more

Lol! - Userguy44

V 132 Comments
20 You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"

You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk

Kinda mean...

Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!


V 100 Comments
21 You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime

Makes sense like really. I died inside haha

Here laughing like crazy

Should've said phone service instead of 'airtime'


V 21 Comments
22 What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate

, this is like the best diss I've ever seen in my life! totally gonna use this in diss battles! savage!

Well in playing a Diss game
I needed this one

Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up

V 66 Comments
23 You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

That doesn't make sense

That was a great burnQ

That is the most cheesy diss I have heard in my life but funny

I will disses someone this

V 22 Comments
24 You're so ugly, you made Justin Bieber feel happy.

Laugh out loud! I HATE Justin Bieber!

I LIKE IT Justin Bieber is my enemy

Justin bieber is such a jerk

Justin is so mean, rude and stupid I bet he doesn't even know how to spell earth

V 75 Comments
25 You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.

Hilarious! Totally voting for u


O damn
This is food

Wheres Mustafa at

V 64 Comments
26 Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".

Dang that's harsh

I know a friend she a whale

Really coool

Laugh out loud this is the ultimate number 1

V 102 Comments
27 You're so ugly when you went to the ugly contest they said "no professionals."

This is probably the oldest one in the book, but there's nothing wrong with going back to the classics.




V 72 Comments
28 Your mum is so fat, when she tried to commit suicide between two cliffs, she got stuck.

Coolest diss I will use that for my enemy


Breaking news: two cliffs got collapsed by an unidentified giant boulder


V 33 Comments
29 You're so bored with your life, you're reading this.

Umm... Actually.. You were reading this page too...

You're so ugly your face looked like a butt cheek after a liposuction - LaST_LiGHT

Um.. Some people are trying to get funny comebacks so that they can use them on other people! And you said we're so bored because we're reading this that must mean your bored. Not funny at all, so lame!

Who ever wrote this is board with there life that's why they wrote it and they had the idea

You wouldn't have known if you did not read this

You created the page you idiot that means your life stinks the most, infact I think you that this is the only thing you did Al day looser. Lame!

V 112 Comments
30 Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store.

It DOES make sense.
A grocery store has food.
She was locked in there.
She didn't think to eat anything.
If you still don't understand, use Yo Mama's video on it.

I think that a good diss

Doesn't make sense.

I have heard that 1 before but it still made me laugh.

V 41 Comments
31 If you really want a joke, look in the mirror.

Best Dis Ever So simple But so funny Can't stop laughing every time I hear it

I love how there are people like: "gonna use it today", "saved me from a couple of wedgies". People actually think this is useful. I like randomly dissing but if someone is bullying you, don't diss them and " get saved from 2 wedgies and a beating", just punch them in the face, beat them to the ground, stomp them and then choke them and put your fingers up their nostrils until they bleed

Amazing. That is a reall good joke

I told this to my enemy

V 77 Comments
32 Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

Wicked ha ha laugh out loud

So creative

That's so funny man,i used it on someone and they cried


V 52 Comments
33 You so fake even China denied that they made you

China makes worst products including my enemy

Ew no
the things can be good

I swear to god this is so funny and true

Lark so damn funny!

V 41 Comments
34 You are so poor.

You are so poor I was on my way home from work and kicked a stone and just then your mom fell out saying who is knocking

This os the most stupidest joke I have ever heard! Get a life idiot

We'll this ain't a good one

What sort of insult is this stupid idiot

V 107 Comments
35 Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide.

Nice - Arteran

Its ok but if your trying to be mean to the person why don't you say instead you don't need internet because your already world wide or something like that because it would be horrible to say something like that to there mum its not like you would like it

I made a guy cry like this but really its a little to mean and really don't recommend you using this except if your in a dire need of a good comeback or if you you just want to get the upper hand a a fight. It would be better if it was directed to th person who you were dissing or cussing (whichever one you prefer)

I said this to my girlfriend and I got a slap in the face

V 44 Comments
36 You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you.

Hello kitty said bye bye to me? Wow cool.

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

Could also be: you're so ugly One Direction went the other direction

They are all cool

V 44 Comments
37 You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.


That was an awesome diss got to use that one

This is too much

Good diss dude

V 41 Comments
38 Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet.

Thanks really useful

Stop insulting mothers

Is that it man that ain't funny

What about your dad

V 42 Comments
39 You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!

It is really funny. It is really funny. I'll use it on a friend of mine and see what he thinks. I laughed at it really hard!

Too funny beat used dat if someone gets me me annoyed lol



V 41 Comments
40 You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said "I want your weight, not your ID number."

Haha I will definitely use it

This is the greatest dis of great disses

Classic dude, classic. =D

Cause I dint know this one and it's so funny

V 35 Comments
41 You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what's on the other side.


Laugh out loud this is the funniest/dopiest diss ever and that's why I love it

Awesome diss used this on the school bully and he ran away bawling

I love this one. I am definitely going to have to use it

V 19 Comments
42 You are the reason why Hitler was born.

What a diss

This is hilarious

You guys must be dumb to find it funny that people die honestly, you've got a brain of a pre-mature baby

This is jokes man were did you get this from! :) laugh out loud!

V 49 Comments
43 Look in the mirror you'll see your worst nightmare

So bad and not funny


44 Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk, they go "snap, crackle, and pop."

Lol this is so funny I am definitely gonna use this on someone

That was nice I kno a lot of people with dry lips I could say that to lots of peeps I was laughing out loud (lo-l) it made me laugh a lot swear it is gonna be used on lots of people... Srry for the long note

I was eating cereal when I red this

Sad times

V 28 Comments
45 You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

Yo man listen to my cuss your so fat that when I was watching the titanic and you walked past I missed the whole thing

Haha but onions make u cry

Girl you ollld

This was really funny

V 34 Comments
46 AAAAAHHHHH! Oh... It's just you!

Its funny because I told it to my and went to the ofice


I think this should be added because it is funny and it is a classic!

47 You're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said "what a waste of sperm."


Damn that a good one

It was so funny, me and my friends were having a dis contest and I used this one and that shut them all up


V 41 Comments
48 You're so stupid you stole a free sample.

So? but I still have pride because I ain't as stupid as you

Haha, lol

Laugh out loud it's the best ever

Haha laugh out loud

V 34 Comments
49 Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody.

I don't get this its so wack

If everyone was sitting next to her and she was sitting on all the seats where did all the others sit? :-

If you don't get this diss. It is basically trying to tell us that the mama couldn't find a seat which she could fit in, but she said on all the seats. That is how she sits next to everybody.


V 17 Comments
50 You're so fat that if you put two cellphones in either side of your pocket and call the other one, it says "long distance."

BEsT jOke EvEr - MatthewLC

It is so so funny

Funniest joke ever I'm gonna use it

This is the only one that made me laugh others made me smile

V 22 Comments
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List Stats

36,000 votes
1,223 listings
8 years, 73 days old

Top Remixes (39)

1. You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave
2. When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it
3. You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.
3. You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.
3. Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

View All 39

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