Best Disses Ever

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them.

The Top Ten

1 Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

Yo mama jokes are old and overrated, just like billie eilish and fortnite.

2 Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

I like a lot of these! This one just seems that you could use it so often. On halloween you could be like to your friend or enemy: "Oh I see that you've got your costume on already. Oh wait..."

3 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

This one is a good one I was going to burn you but my mum told me not to burn trash but I'll burn you anyway

4 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

Why are you calling me alien when you're the one that has a deformed alien forehead?

I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest - cleverclogs0

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

5 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

An obnoxious diss! - cleverclogs0

This doesn't make sense and you say the diss you are so bored with. Your life cause we are reading this I will never use or read these disses

Laugh out loud said that to my friend called me a no life he tried 2 fight back but he knew that he couldn't get me back with a diss like that!

6 You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

It is so amazing I dissed my mum about it with my half sister and she laughed like crazy

I'm SO using this one!
Dang that's a really funny/good one!

That was a really good and creative diss and made me laugh for ages! Well done

7 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.

Cool I used it

This one is such so good. I told this one the class, silence followed and then everybody was shouting " OHH"! Great!

8 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

A cool diss - cleverclogs0

This diss is a total yes cause I'm gonna use it on everyone
Love this one

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

Hahah that's jokes, I'm gonna use it on someone!

9 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult. - cleverclogs0

I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

It's so creative and so cool I tolled my friend this and he busted into tears

10 When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud


Change everything to when you because like even I don't say nothing about peoples mums

The Contenders

11 You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

Ohh I can't wait to use it on a boy in my class

Great to use in diss battles. I used this on my 1/4 cousin Carlos after he dissed me. My friends were like yeee.

Laugh out loud totally usin this

12 You're so poor even African people made you a charity.

YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!

I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!

This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa

That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this

That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool

This is so racist. Do you know how much oprah makes

I bet we're richer than u! Ass who ever wrote this dis should come see my house!

13 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss - cleverclogs0

HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.


I really like this one its really a good diss. This is a cool one. Nice job whoever wrote this. I don't mean that in a rude way it's because I actually don't know who wrote this

14 You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.

So funny, I say this to everyone now! Haha definitely using this!

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

Laugh out loud awesome diss definitely using this one

This is an awesome diss really good to use in a dissing competition

15 You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

Got to use these

A guy said this to me and I was lurk oh ya, then y are u not stone!

I'm definitely voting for this one! Funny laugh out loud! My sister peed her pants when she read this laugh out loud that's no joke

Your sister likely needs to have her urinary bladder checked by a medical professional. - BillTedman

Its actually your so ugly that when you looked at medusa she turned to stone

16 Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

I love this diss but hear this one you are so ugly your mom put a pic of you and put on the gate and rote be awa of the dog

This is ironic for me to say this but I don't know if I find this funny or not.

Its good but hear this one "your so ugly when u tried to correct your mom she said you're the only mistake I ever made

Wicked I used it on my friend and she backed out straight after

17 You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave

If the spelling is incorrect please correct it but killer diss wow

This is awesome!

So funny, especially for football fans

That's so funny! Who ever came up with this one is a genius!

18 When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it

I'm gonna die if I see this again

This is not funny. A pathetic joke which can insult people but when you realised just what you said, you should take yourself as the worst person of the planet.

This joke is legit, totally!

I have better 1 than this your so ugly that when you dad drop you off at school someone said that your dad died with your breath

19 You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you.

Boy you thought your funny your sweet as honey

That is a swag dis

Your face is so ugly that if being ugly was a crime you would be the first one to get arrested

I've got a good one your so fat that when you had a diet you stopped world hunger

20 You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"

You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk

That diss, was good but here at this:

I saw a picture of you on instagram and it was just so bad
And you say:
You should have recorded the volume of light. You probably saw your mirror image!

Hey listen " I wake up in the morning, I check my Instagram I see some boy called Richard and 2 thousand kilograms - Shidzy

Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!

Here's one your breath smells so bad that it's the main cause of global warming

21 You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime

I don't get this

It means you bought the phone service but sold your phone.

So funny I forgot to laugh

Here laughing like crazy

22 What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate

Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up

I love it! I'm definitely using this one, I mean laugh out loud!

, this is like the best diss I've ever seen in my life! totally gonna use this in diss battles! savage!

23 You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

So funny- I can't get over it laugh out loud

WOW how clever not. You well if your doing disses like this we might as well insult people using knock-knock jokes

I hope you get this one. - cleverclogs0

That doesn't make sense

24 You're so ugly, you made Justin Bieber feel happy.

Laugh out loud! I HATE Justin Bieber!

Laugh out loud I hate Justin Bieber this put a smile to ma face ;)x

Justin is so mean, rude and stupid I bet he doesn't even know how to spell earth

Everyone should really use this

25 You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.

I laughed for a long time. I told that to somone, and I got slapped, but eh, it's still funny

This is good. The guys at school shut afterwards

Very funny laugh out loud

Another one

Your so ugly, when you were born the doc. Threw you out the window and the window threw you back

26 Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".

Laugh out loud this is the ultimate number 1

Lool I heard diss one already

It means that your mum is so fat that when she went to the sea and she saw a whale the whale started to sing that we are a family

Yo mama so fat when you came out the sea with a yello top on someone shouted hey taxi

Hilarious gonna use this!

27 You're so ugly when you went to the ugly contest they said "no professionals."

This is probably the oldest one in the book, but there's nothing wrong with going back to the classics.

Nice gonna use it today. Its a very good one. It should be at the top of the list.

This diss just tops it off I was LMFAO

Haha I used this already but still funny

28 Your mum is so fat, when she tried to commit suicide between two cliffs, she got stuck.

Breaking news: two cliffs got collapsed by an unidentified giant boulder

That's funny but not the best I ever heard

That's so funny laugh out loud make that into a film laugh out loud

I feel sorry for those cliffs

29 You're so bored with your life, you're reading this.

Umm... Actually.. You were reading this page too...

You're so ugly your face looked like a butt cheek after a liposuction - LaST_LiGHT

Um.. Some people are trying to get funny comebacks so that they can use them on other people! And you said we're so bored because we're reading this that must mean your bored. Not funny at all, so lame!

Who ever wrote this is board with there life that's why they wrote it and they had the idea

You created the page you idiot that means your life stinks the most, infact I think you that this is the only thing you did Al day looser. Lame!

Well you're so bored with your life that you wrote this, because lemme guess you don't got nobody waitin for you at home. Hm, I wonder why. Yeah that's what I thought I always win, don't even try.

30 Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store.

I think that a good diss

I have heard that 1 before but it still made me laugh.

It DOES make sense.
A grocery store has food.
She was locked in there.
She didn't think to eat anything.
If you still don't understand, use Yo Mama's video on it.

Best diss ever I used it In a dissing competition and I ended up winning

31 If you really want a joke, look in the mirror.

Best Dis Ever So simple But so funny Can't stop laughing every time I hear it

I love how there are people like: "gonna use it today", "saved me from a couple of wedgies". People actually think this is useful. I like randomly dissing but if someone is bullying you, don't diss them and " get saved from 2 wedgies and a beating", just punch them in the face, beat them to the ground, stomp them and then choke them and put your fingers up their nostrils until they bleed

Amazing. That is a reall good joke

I told this to my enemy

32 Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

Wicked ha ha laugh out loud

Laugh out loud I used this on a bully at school! He actually reported me laugh out loud

Haha that one caught me off guard.

Love it! Used it on a girl who cursed my friend except I said: your marks are so low but not only that, your so poor that u couldn't afford to pay attention

33 You so fake even China denied that they made you

Best good one

China makes worst products including my enemy

Lol hilarious

Hilarious, I used that on a bully and she started to cry. karma bro, karma

34 You are so poor.

You are so poor I was on my way home from work and kicked a stone and just then your mom fell out saying who is knocking

This os the most stupidest joke I have ever heard! Get a life idiot

We'll this ain't a good one

This is the original diss bro's, this thing is heavenly. I love it so much.

35 Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide.

Its ok but if your trying to be mean to the person why don't you say instead you don't need internet because your already world wide or something like that because it would be horrible to say something like that to there mum its not like you would like it

I made a guy cry like this but really its a little to mean and really don't recommend you using this except if your in a dire need of a good comeback or if you you just want to get the upper hand a a fight. It would be better if it was directed to th person who you were dissing or cussing (whichever one you prefer)

Nice sick, really ice!
I can say that to my haterz
Its somethings to get in someones face

At school when it was home time I said that to a kid who's really fat and he was calling me stupid so I said this and everyone was like oh!

36 You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.

That was an awesome diss got to use that one

Very funny but I don't think blind kids would really like it... It would be quite offensive to them...

What a diss if you don't vote for this you suck like a rotten egg man, nice diss bro nice

Leave blind people out of this

37 You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you.

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

Could also be: you're so ugly One Direction went the other direction

They are all cool

This was the best

38 Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet.

Is that it man that ain't funny

Is that it fam that is barley na ing come on you could do better didn't make me laugh at all

That was not funny man make another better one cause that one sucks as you.

Stop insulting mothers

39 You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said "I want your weight, not your ID number."

Real funny. I am going to tell the bully in my class this one because he acted really stupid today. He does it everyday but today was especially. I am here right now because of him. He actually is huge I mean HUGE! I have told him how fat he was before but this should shoput him up for life. by the way he never creams so he is ashy and he looks grey. Super ugly. Mon November 11 2019

That Is cool I'm gonna say it to someone

That's jokes blad the best one ever!

I rate this as #1

40 You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!

It is really funny. It is really funny. I'll use it on a friend of mine and see what he thinks. I laughed at it really hard!

Classic dude really classic, I'm using that one

It's really funny. Il try it on my cousin see what he thinks

Another, when you stepped on the scale it said I want your weight, not your phone number

41 You are the reason why Hitler was born.

You guys must be dumb to find it funny that people die honestly, you've got a brain of a pre-mature baby

This is jokes man were did you get this from! :) laugh out loud!

This is what you call laugh out loud

Would you like it, if your family died because they were jewish everyone has their rights, what right does it give to say that?

42 Look in the mirror you'll see your worst nightmare

So bad and not funny


My dad? - Manlypants

43 You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

Yo man listen to my cuss your so fat that when I was watching the titanic and you walked past I missed the whole thing

Bled wagwarn my g yea mad roast you if that was me I'd lick u in the face

This was really funny

Said this to my mate, laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud

44 You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

Laugh out loud this is the funniest/dopiest diss ever and that's why I love it

Awesome diss used this on the school bully and he ran away bawling

I love this one. I am definitely going to have to use it

Cool jk but what if its an one way mirror?

45 Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk, they go "snap, crackle, and pop."

Lol this is so funny I am definitely gonna use this on someone

That was nice I kno a lot of people with dry lips I could say that to lots of peeps I was laughing out loud (lo-l) it made me laugh a lot swear it is gonna be used on lots of people... Srry for the long note

I was eating cereal when I red this

I tried this on one of my friends and everyone was laughing you should try it it is amazing to do to other people my name is joshua and my brother keenan thanks

46 AAAAAHHHHH! Oh... It's just you!

I think this should be added because it is funny and it is a classic!

Its funny because I told it to my and went to the ofice


47 You're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said "what a waste of sperm."

It was so funny, me and my friends were having a dis contest and I used this one and that shut them all up


Nice diss going 2 use that

Shame it's a bit harsh like it's like saying to a person you're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said what a waste of sperm

48 Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody.

I don't get this its so wack

If everyone was sitting next to her and she was sitting on all the seats where did all the others sit? :-

If you don't get this diss. It is basically trying to tell us that the mama couldn't find a seat which she could fit in, but she said on all the seats. That is how she sits next to everybody.

A little weak but I get it

49 You're so fat that if you put two cellphones in either side of your pocket and call the other one, it says "long distance."

Funniest joke ever I'm gonna use it

This is the only one that made me laugh others made me smile

My big sister said shew were it's funny!

I can relate to my enemy in school

50 You're so fat you were mistaken as a new planet bigger than Jupiter

This is not funny

Accept your mama knowing her 12 times table she counting how many condoms she will use today

Not so funny I can make a better one here yo mama so dumb she stoped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go

I have a better one when your stuck in a hole that's the only one you can get

Oh my god I used that on my brother he is still laughing

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