Best Disses Ever

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them.

The Top Ten

1 Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly. - cleverclogs0

This is a great Dis I used it on all of my friends and they laughed there heads off and I said it to my cousin and he got so mad and started crying because he thought his mum was very sad and his mum was actually laughing about how stupid he was being because he said Oy don't insult my mum you idiot your so mean and went off in a huff. Laugh out loud this is useful.

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

This is clearly The Best!

V 494 Comments
2 Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

It's funny

V 269 Comments
3 When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornadoes. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud



V 354 Comments
4 Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest - cleverclogs0

I'm going to try that on my friend. We diss each other a lot, and he always gets fake mad, then I have to say sorry, otherwise he won't talk to me.

Wow this is too cool

V 320 Comments
5 You could be very useful in the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb.

A very bad insult, I hope you like it. - cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

Sexy diss yo

V 465 Comments
6 Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

An obnoxious diss! - cleverclogs0

This doesn't make sense and you say the diss you are so bored with. Your life cause we are reading this I will never use or read these disses

Bahah! this is so good

V 194 Comments
7 You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

The thing is... The person's (who you are dissing) friend could say: Yeah, she was, that's why she's on the fast lane.

Cool I used it


V 271 Comments
8 You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

A cool diss - cleverclogs0

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

Hahah that's jokes, I'm gonna use it on someone!


V 143 Comments
9 Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

A very good insult. - cleverclogs0

I've personally never heard this one but it's so funny!

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

So cool

V 105 Comments
10 You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home, she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

I'm SO using this one!
Dang that's a really funny/good one!

I served him so high his friends laughed at him (: thanks to the person who did this jokes best jokes ever

I used this dis and Oh my lord.. I'm the new favourite in the school

V 293 Comments

The Contenders

11 You're so poor when you invited me to dinner, there were 3 beans on a plate. I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy!"

You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk

Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!

Here's one your breath smells so bad that it's the main cause of global warming


V 100 Comments
12 You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss - cleverclogs0

HAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.


I really like this one its really a good diss. This is a cool one. Nice job whoever wrote this. I don't mean that in a rude way it's because I actually don't know who wrote this

V 96 Comments
13 You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

Got to use these

A guy said this to me and I was lurk oh ya, then y are u not stone!

I'm definitely voting for this one! Funny laugh out loud! My sister peed her pants when she read this laugh out loud that's no joke

Your sister likely needs to have her urinary bladder checked by a medical professional. - BillTedman

Medusa can't be turned into stone...

V 79 Comments
14 What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate

Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up

I love it! I'm definitely using this one, I mean laugh out loud!

That is tops

V 68 Comments
15 You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

Ohh I can't wait to use it on a boy in my class

Laugh out loud totally usin this

- friends
- socks
- clothes
- cabbages
- fries
- bread
- eggs
- flour
- ham
- your dignity

V 181 Comments
16 Your mum's so fat that when she went to sea, the whales came up and started singing "we are family".

Laugh out loud this is the ultimate number 1

Lool I heard diss one already

It means that your mum is so fat that when she went to the sea and she saw a whale the whale started to sing that we are a family

Yo mama so fat when you came out the sea with a yello top on someone shouted hey taxi

Sooo funny

V 107 Comments
17 You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.

That so funny, I am laughing and my mum walked in and she asked what so I told her she peed her pants I am voting for you because you have the best one, my friends is obsessed with chicken too

Laugh out loud awesome diss definitely using this one

This is an awesome diss really good to use in a dissing competition

Lol it's funny

V 180 Comments
18 You're so poor even African people made you a charity.

YOU ass not every one is poor in Africa there are people in my country (South Africa) that you wish you were get your common knowledge up!

I think the world is showing the bad side of Africa I live in South Africa and it's a beautiful place were people have jobs, and you can find people richer than the creator of this joke! It's not only South Africa every country in Africa is not really struggling you know! Stop treating Africa as some charity case!

This is just rude. There are lots of poor people around the world. why do you have to use Africa

That is right Africa's people are probably richer than whoever wrote this

That is so rude are you rich yeah didn't think...fool

That's so rude I live in Africa and my parents have really cool jobstuff better than yours will ever be

V 342 Comments
19 When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it

I'm gonna die if I see this again

This is not funny. A pathetic joke which can insult people but when you realised just what you said, you should take yourself as the worst person of the planet.

This joke is legit, totally!

Holyyy am gonna use this forever

V 36 Comments
20 Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet.

Is that it man that ain't funny

Is that it fam that is barley na ing come on you could do better didn't make me laugh at all

That was not funny man make another better one cause that one sucks as you.

What about your dad

V 39 Comments
21 Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store.

I think that a good diss

I have heard that 1 before but it still made me laugh.

Best diss ever I used it In a dissing competition and I ended up winning

Yeses starve at a grocery store.that's like becoming obese at a gym

V 42 Comments
22 You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave

If the spelling is incorrect please correct it but killer diss wow

This is awesome!

That's so funny! Who ever came up with this one is a genius!

So funny, especially for football fans

V 36 Comments
23 You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

So funny- I can't get over it laugh out loud

WOW how clever not. You well if your doing disses like this we might as well insult people using knock-knock jokes

I hope you get this one. - cleverclogs0

That was a great burnQ

V 21 Comments
24 You're so ugly, you made Justin Bieber feel happy.

Laugh out loud! I HATE Justin Bieber!

Laugh out loud I hate Justin Bieber this put a smile to ma face ;)x

Everyone should really use this

I really like Justin Bieber. Not many people like him but he's cute. FYI Justin Bieber is engaged to Haily Baldwin she's a model. But hey I still like him and I'm sure SOME people like him too.

V 71 Comments
25 Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

Wicked ha ha laugh out loud

Laugh out loud I used this on a bully at school! He actually reported me laugh out loud

Haha that one caught me off guard.


V 49 Comments
26 You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime

It means you bought the phone service but sold your phone.

I don't get this

So funny I forgot to laugh

so cringe

V 17 Comments
27 You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you.

Boy you thought your funny your sweet as honey

That is a swag dis

Your face is so ugly that if being ugly was a crime you would be the first one to get arrested

I love this

V 129 Comments
28 You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.

I laughed for a long time. I told that to somone, and I got slapped, but eh, it's still funny

This is good. The guys at school shut afterwards

Very funny laugh out loud


V 59 Comments
29 You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you.

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

Could also be: you're so ugly One Direction went the other direction

They are all cool

Amazing I tried this on my enemies and my friend hilarious

V 47 Comments
30 Being smart is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, being wise is not putting a tomato in fruit salad.


... just bad. no don't

31 Yo mama so old, her breast milk is powder.

This just might be the lamest joke I have ever heard and by far the oldest joke... Dude get a life seriously...

This is older than your nana

You two have to respond

Best 1

V 30 Comments
32 When you put your teeth underneath your pillow for the tooth fairy, they left a note saying "sorry we do not accept sweetcorn"

The best diss ever

too funny

The best one

It's the best wun ever

V 1 Comment
33 Yo mama is so fat that when she went into Wal-mart, she lowered the prices!

That one isn't that good

This one is rubbish

Rubbish worst I cood make abetter one than that

Amazing diss I used this on a a bully and he went away and cried.

V 44 Comments
34 Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody.

I don't get this its so wack

If everyone was sitting next to her and she was sitting on all the seats where did all the others sit? :-

If you don't get this diss. It is basically trying to tell us that the mama couldn't find a seat which she could fit in, but she said on all the seats. That is how she sits next to everybody.


V 17 Comments
35 You're so fat you were mistaken as a new planet bigger than Jupiter

This is not funny

Accept your mama knowing her 12 times table she counting how many condoms she will use today

Not so funny I can make a better one here yo mama so dumb she stoped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go

I have a better one when your stuck in a hole that's the only one you can get

This was Hillariouse.

V 23 Comments
36 Yo mama is so sweaty that she caused a tsunami.

Should of been "yo momma so sweaty she caused a flash flood

Stupidest lamest joke ever

No that is jokes

Is a really good cuss
I liked it

V 11 Comments
37 Unless your parents gave you the name "Google" stop acting like you know everything

That's a diss that I would expect people to say to me



Ye this a good one because there is this person that acts smart but he is actually not so next time I see him I’m saying this

V 2 Comments
38 You're so fat, you have you own gravitational pull

Lol, good joke for a science class

Some of you need to learn your spelling and grammar

Lol that's the funniest thing I ever heard


V 6 Comments
39 Mirrors don't lie, but unfortunately they can't laugh either


mmm - VespasianII

40 You are so poor.

You are so poor I was on my way home from work and kicked a stone and just then your mom fell out saying who is knocking

This os the most stupidest joke I have ever heard! Get a life idiot

We'll this ain't a good one

Your so poor that when someone throws garbage into a garbage can you say I found treasure

V 96 Comments
41 I don't know why people call you hot, the only thing you can turn on is your phone


I don't get it

I’m just sitting here trying to think of other things a person can turn on just to ruin this

42 Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide.

Its ok but if your trying to be mean to the person why don't you say instead you don't need internet because your already world wide or something like that because it would be horrible to say something like that to there mum its not like you would like it

I made a guy cry like this but really its a little to mean and really don't recommend you using this except if your in a dire need of a good comeback or if you you just want to get the upper hand a a fight. It would be better if it was directed to th person who you were dissing or cussing (whichever one you prefer)

Nice sick, really ice!
I can say that to my haterz
Its somethings to get in someones face

I said this to my girlfriend and I got a slap in the face

V 43 Comments
43 You so fake even China denied that they made you

Best good one

That is so funny

Lol hilarious

I think this ones funny

V 31 Comments
44 You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.

That was an awesome diss got to use that one

Very funny but I don't think blind kids would really like it... It would be quite offensive to them...

What a diss if you don't vote for this you suck like a rotten egg man, nice diss bro nice

This is too much

V 38 Comments
45 You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

Yo man listen to my cuss your so fat that when I was watching the titanic and you walked past I missed the whole thing

This was really funny

Said this to my mate, laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud

Girl you ollld

V 35 Comments
46 You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!

It is really funny. It is really funny. I'll use it on a friend of mine and see what he thinks. I laughed at it really hard!

Classic dude really classic, I'm using that one

It's really funny. Il try it on my cousin see what he thinks

Loved it, gonna use this on everyone.

V 38 Comments
47 You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said "I want your weight, not your ID number."

That Is cool I'm gonna say it to someone

That's jokes blad the best one ever!

I rate this as #1


V 32 Comments
48 Yo mama so fat that when she sat on an iPod she made the iPad

Listen for whoever wrote this, everyone has a mom now get a life

Is that why it keeps coming in a bigger size

It is not that good you can try harder something like this your so ugly that when Taylor swift saw you she wrote a song about how ugly you are

Lol soft diss listen minds your mama so fat that when she sat on samsung it made ah sung

V 19 Comments
49 You so fat you call 911 to pull up your pants

The way you are so tall when you drink milk it expires on the way

My friends were dying from this joke

Get owned

I'm so tall well yo so short that u had to stretch up to high 5 yo mate🙄

V 1 Comment
50 Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk, they go "snap, crackle, and pop."

That was nice I kno a lot of people with dry lips I could say that to lots of peeps I was laughing out loud (lo-l) it made me laugh a lot swear it is gonna be used on lots of people... Srry for the long note

I was eating cereal when I red this

I tried this on one of my friends and everyone was laughing you should try it it is amazing to do to other people my name is joshua and my brother keenan thanks

Sad times

V 29 Comments
PSearch List

List Stats

33,000 votes
1,219 listings
7 years, 131 days old

Top Remixes (39)

1. You're so stupid you drowned in a Mexican wave
2. When you were born your mother told your father what a beautiful treasure and he replied yes let's go bury it
3. You're so stupid you sold your cellphone for airtime
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.
3. You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C.
1. Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
2. Hey, I can make a song about your teeth 'black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'.
3. Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business.

View All 39

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