Best Insults

heather

The Contenders: Page 2

21 When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

took me a long time to chose and I'll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome - CaptainComedy17

K that one was so bad! Haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend

Lmafo I LOVED This it worked I said and someone gave me this look and they looked like jerk!

That's amazing

V 82 Comments
22 (Phone ringing)... Excuse me it's your village, they want their idiot back

Lol dumb not funny but is

Ha! This is great. The feels. Lol

Lol I can't stop laughing

AMAZING

V 2 Comments
23 With a face like yours, I wish I was blind.

HAHA SO FUNNY! THIS IS FAR THE MOST BEST JOKE ever! I SAID IT TO MY BRO AND HE STARTED CRYING LIKE HELL

I did the same to my bro and he cry out loud

Say something bad but it still funny
Haha

Oh I said that one to a kid named seth carter and he kept his mouth shut when he heard me say what I just said.

Damn that good

V 75 Comments
24 You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

this is so cool! who thought of this? I know someone like this and I never got to explain my thoughts about him. - lala222

Love it, this is a first class insult.

Best one ever I am so using this on my math class friend. It's hilarious

This is awesome

V 115 Comments
25 Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

Classic insult, I don't remember who actually said it first..

It is amazingly funny! I totally am gonna share this with my bff! AMAZING! HILARIOUS

LoL

V 49 Comments
26 "Dude you're fat" "It runs in the family" "Mate, no one runs in your family"

Amazing, me and my friends had a right laugh using this thanks!

Hilarious mate! LOVE IT! That was so ' EPIC! Oh lord

Laugh out loud. That's hilarious! Could not stop laughing for 15 minutes.

oh wow - Oliveleaf

V 36 Comments
27 The only positive thing about you is your HIV status.

This is a funny insult. DOUBLE HIT! I told this to my ex girlfriend. She was really sexy and she liked me, and now I can't talk to her. IT WAS STILL WORTH IT

WAY TOO EPIC! How did you even invent such a cruel insult? You must be such a d* in real life

This was surprisingly satisfying, not only does it offend them behavior wise but also offends them in a decent manner instead of trying to insult in a rude way..

Wow just wow

V 63 Comments
28 Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

That would make someone cry, I'm a hurtful person but this joke makes me seem like a nice person, It's funny and extremely mean

OMG! I FREAKING LOVE THIS! I'M GONNA SAY IT TO YOU!

THIS IS so AMAZING. PERFECT, ORIGINAL! CAN PICTURE SOMEONE THAT UGLY, ACTUALLY I KNOW SOMEONE THAT UGLY! BEST EVER!

By FAR the best its hilarious, the only problem is that ill die of laughter before I get to say it

V 45 Comments
29 Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

Absolute AMAZING one! The lad went walking away like his mothers FAT backside

Oh my gawd! Hilarious, I said this to my little brother and he got really baffled because I don't think he even knows what eBay is! Whew, I'm still cracking up.

I said it to my crush (That I used to hate). All he can said is "stupid hoe". Lmfao! Then I said if he's so stupid that brain surgeon are having a hard time. God damn! He doesn't give any respond. He can't say anything!

AWESOME!

V 76 Comments
30 Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change.

Very good - excellent for people who don't have friends! (we all know someone like that, don't we? )

Wicked I would use that on nearly all my enemys

That was one of the funniest on this page, literally had me on the floor dying. I could use this on my enemies or my cousins or my sister, and I bet they will give me a look, but it'll be worth it

It sucks

V 30 Comments
31 "why don't you go to walmart and get a new personality because clearly the one you got from k-mart has expired.

Lol pretty good m8 I'm gonna use this on my enemy called Idoge LOL I'm still laughing by the way just so you know I sorta like k-mart better than walmart but whatever still hilarious

That is awesome! I can use it on a bully!

Best insult ever # I'm real#roar

awesome

V 8 Comments
32 Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag.

Laugh out loud THAT WAS HILARIOUS THREE THUMBS UP MAN! BRAVO BRAVO!

Funny ill use it on everyone I know, almost as funny as number fifty eight

Rofl. This one cracked me up. I'll use it for sure

Gee dude your girlfriend woof - ElijahHileman

V 45 Comments
33 Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue

I love this one, I could use this in a lot of people from my class, all the girls in my class look like clowns, just so you know what I am dealing with here.

Jeez I'm so using this LMFAO rating is ten out of ten

This would totally work on a bunch of mean girls in my class that wear so much make up but still look ugly. I mean, isn't make up supposed to make you look better not worse

LMAO this is funnier than the face of the kid who bullied me.

V 48 Comments
34 Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

Laugh out loud definitely using dis one

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

That was the worlds best diss I wish this true to all commenters but me

That has to be top 3 I told this to my friend and he started laughing like crazy. - ElijahHileman

V 48 Comments
35 The only thing that goes erect when I'm near you is my middle finger.

This insult is so cruel that it could make your mother cry. If you ever say this to someone they will either punch you or burst into a weeping ball of nothing. Nobody can say this insult sucks!

Haha did this to some random girl that I liked and she was like I love you

One of THOSE people that like to kiss people that are angry at them. - 404_name_missing

Lolololololol 20 minutes later I'm still laughing. I'm going to see how many of my friends cry with this.

LOL

V 47 Comments
36 Marriage at a motel is more appealing than the likes of you. What are you, anyways? You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart.

This one is pretty good, I'm surprised there are no comments!

HAHA, No one ever uses the term "visible fart". Awesome writer!

Lol you could just say You look like a joint between a mutilated ape, and a visible fart and it still be insulting

Funny but how about this...
Me: you need to get a life
Person: I have one!
Me : oh sorry I probably should have been more persific for you, I ment one that matters x so sorry for the miss understanding x

V 11 Comments
37 Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday.

It is so funny it made me fall of my chair because my brother started crying

This is epic - using it tomorrow for sure. Whoever made this is an epic genius

This ones a total puller when you wanna bust the hell outta your opponent in a crisp sentence...

Why am I laughing so much...

V 51 Comments
38 All the branches fell off your family tree when you were born

Just simply funny it makes sense that's what I like about it very good insult, no doubt about it! :-)

Yup I'm gonna use this

Kinda funny that

This is wickedness oohh!

V 6 Comments
39 Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

A feasibly sensible joke about life, death and everything inbetween. Excellent

Nice and snappy! Good to say to a girl that thinks too much of herself

This is the best joke so far on here! I love it like it no love it!

My aunt was in a coma so this is pretty offensive to me - ElijahHileman

V 44 Comments
40 You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.

I said this to a guy at my school and he actually cried afterward. It is so cruel that it could make anyone burst into tears at that moment! This insult has to be the greatest insult you can ever say to someone you hate!

This ones straight up cruel- AMAZING

LMFAO, I'm using this

I used this on a "friend" in a group of mine and my friends were dying but we're saying it's sooo cruel and afterwards when I came to class my friends said that she went back home cause she was crying the whole hour and I didn't regret it since she was a bitch

V 19 Comments
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12 years, 30 days old

Top Remixes (129)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
2. You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
3. I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
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