Best Insults

heather

The Contenders: Page 3

41 If I wanted to kill myself, I could just climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

I think this should be added because it is witty with a gallon of humor. It's perfect if somebody just told you to die. This comeback is something they won't expect. - Dragonlindy

My response to this insult would be, "Said the person that just used the intelligence quotient and a form of human personality to represent a physical height." - zacktheripr

... And starve to death ON THE way down.

Oh sh**!

V 59 Comments
42 Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

That is so cool, I could use it against my enemy in bahrain!

Amazing. Just amazing. I have a feeling that a Chinese made that one up originally. This one needs to be fifth and traded out with that hello kitty one, cause those who don't watch hello kitty... Well 'me', wont get the meaning. But this one is great. Nice job.

I have used this on a couple of different occasions and I got the best reaction from it! :) And older sort of insult but still extremely funny and you will always get a great reaction from it!

The funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. EVER!

V 33 Comments
43 Are you always an idiot or just when I'm around?

Now that's a risky one... because the answer could be: "Yes only in your present, to make you feel you're not the only one."

It's very nice man for people like us

Haha AWESOME JOKE USED IT ON MY ARCH ENEMY GOOD ONE

Its ok, but it didn't work

V 8 Comments
44 About as sharp as a shoelace

I'm gonna use this on a derp-ass at school

What about
I'd insult you but it seems to me nature beat me to it

ABOUT AS SHARP AS BOTH ENDS OF A DUMP

not bad

V 1 Comment
45 Stop bullying fat people, they have enough on their plate.

This is awful... Awfully funny. I'm sorry... This made me laugh so ' hard. I mean, yeah, stop bullying people in general. But, MUAHAHAHA.

THIS MADE ME LMAO SO HARD ITS AWFUL BUT HILARIOUS! IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I NEARLY CHOCKED! LMAO I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR ONTO THE GROUND! Love this one I'm gonna use it A LOT this is definitely my favourite joke YET :D oahahah if you didn't notice I'm still laughing.

Laugh out loud When I saw this, I cracked up! Best one I've seen here

Oml this is so funny like I actually can’t right now like I get bullied because I’m “fat” so i’ll definitely use this next time lmao 😂😂

V 46 Comments
46 The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave

oh snap this is perfect thing for a girl to say to someone hitting on her, it's so cold.

That is awesome. Really funny! I'll remember that one next time! Cause it is really hilarious!

Oh that hurts what an awesome brush off dude! - Bec

If I was a) a girl and b) remotely good-looking enough to get hit on, I would use this. I might also add that nobody cares enough about the other person to bury them when they die.

V 2 Comments
47 Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has annulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

Said it to my friend didn't have a clue but my teacher was cracking up!

Hilarious! I can't wait to use this the next time I'm in line somewhere. Wish I could've used this today when the stinky guy behind me at the bank hunched over me like he was about to hump. Lmfao, great one!

Wonderful! Another insult that will completely confuse people in my grade, making them think that I am actually smarter than I probably am. Best thing is, I can probably say this to a teacher of mine who isn't too bright and make my genius friend crack up, where everyone else is sitting there dumbfounded.

It basically means: You smell like an ape - PeeledBanana

V 45 Comments
48 Your mom's so ugly she made Chuck Norris have a heart attack

Funny compared to Chuck Norris can do anything!

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with hot butter

Lol ahh this made me laugh kkk

V 11 Comments
49 You're so fat you had to be baptised in Sea World

Oh my god I'm laughing so hard I can't get over this one I think its hilarious how is this not at least in the top ten?

Makes me laugh every time! I don't have much of a sense of humor but this one cracked me up. I just get a picture of someone actually being baptised in sea world... :D

Why is this not rated higher?

Spicy

V 29 Comments
50 Go away I was looking at something better than you

Absolute Classic. Something that can be said as though you yourself have come up with it.

Brilliant! This had me laughing all night. It's so simple it still gonna hurt! I must use this soon

This was amazing! I laughed so hard I laughed all morning! Just the most brilliant thing I've heard in a long time

Maaterpiece! So Simple Yet So Hurtful!

V 29 Comments
51 Are you in a costume? It's not Halloween yet... oh, never mind.

I have heard this too often

Oldie but a goodie

cool

Lol

V 1 Comment
52 You're so fake that Barbie is more real than you.

Haha that's really funny I love it...
going to use that on someone for sure

A better one would be your so fake barbie is jealous

Laugh out loud! I'm totally using this on my friend! We diss each other every day for fun in Drama class.. Can't wait til tomorrow

I love this girl at school looks so fake I am gonna use this I love it

V 51 Comments
53 Yo mama so ugly she scared the crap out of the toilet

! So funny I'm gonna use that some day

This joke is so hilarious! Now I can use it on my enemy shawn he is so ugly

Laugh out loud! Good one! I wish I said that years ago to my dog!

lol

V 31 Comments
54 9/11 great success

What is wrong with you. This is a terrible offense - dorigthellama

Not funny in the least! And the person or animal that typed up this nonsense: "9 11 is such a good date, I really hate those people that died in that plane crash." You are a sick and twisted individual and the only reason you got a thumbs up is because for some reason the thumbs down is not an option.

That's not a funny one but not offensive either. I'm American and it didn't offend me...

What is wrong with you

V 12 Comments
55 Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said "Hey, that's my phone number."

Genius. Made me laugh so hard

Haha me and my bestie couldn't stop laughing 4 ages

This joke is a better version then the I asked your weight not your phone number who ever thought of this is a legend

I love this one so funny

V 97 Comments
56 Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake twice.

Ah haha love this this kid at my school just cried and never took the piss out of me again

This diss makes my friends diss sound like
Its stupid lolollololollololol as soon as I saw this big paragraph without even reading it I knew it was going to be a good 1

Damn I would just say it shortly though "your mom said to pick up some condoms on the way home she doesn't wanna make the same mistake twice"

YAS

V 29 Comments
57 Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it's your parents....they made the biggest joke!

Oh my gosh.. that is priceless... - Simply_Nobody

Haha, I should use this on my friend when he pisses me off

I am so using this! Brilliant! - HenP

The best just the best - ElijahHileman

V 30 Comments
58 Dude stop acting like a girl. My bad, forgot you are one!

I would love to say this to Justin Bieber... - Minecraftcrazy530

Stupidity doesn't care if your a guy or girl but clearly it got whoever thought this joke was funny

That's a good one I think I'm gonna add it to the list just to piss of whoever wrote this and by the way it came from my own head so props to me

Oh I'm sorry but I'm the best soccer player at my school and if you want to mess with girls then that's your problem so if I were you I would apologize to ALL GIRLS

FUNNIEST THING IN DA WORLD LOL LOL LOL LOL LOOL HAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHA Dang I laugh easily... lol loool

V 34 Comments
59 Yo mamma is so fat, her pants size is Bitch lose some weight.

Oh my gosh! This is the best diss ever. Really got me laughing hella hard! What would the next size up in pant size be? Like: hey does anyone have some butter handy so this lady can fit into her pants?

Wow, this will actually encourage people to lose some weight!

Hah! When I said it to my Friends they were walking away Almost Crying! That's just Sad to see them almost cry. Just Sad :P

so funny

V 30 Comments
60 Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves

This one is it

Wow I love this diss so much I used it on all my friends they found it hilarious and I told them to come onto this sight to look at the best disses ever?!?!

I don't get this but it made me and my friend laugh so much!

This makes me laugh every time I see this

V 24 Comments
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Top Remixes (129)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
2. You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
3. I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
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