Best Insults

heather

The Contenders: Page 3

41 Stop bullying fat people, they have enough on their plate.

This is awful... Awfully funny. I'm sorry... This made me laugh so ' hard. I mean, yeah, stop bullying people in general. But, MUAHAHAHA.

THIS MADE ME LMAO SO HARD ITS AWFUL BUT HILARIOUS! IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I NEARLY CHOCKED! LMAO I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR ONTO THE GROUND! Love this one I'm gonna use it A LOT this is definitely my favourite joke YET :D oahahah if you didn't notice I'm still laughing.

Laugh out loud When I saw this, I cracked up! Best one I've seen here

yes

V 44 Comments
42 The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave

oh snap this is perfect thing for a girl to say to someone hitting on her, it's so cold.

That is awesome. Really funny! I'll remember that one next time! Cause it is really hilarious!

Oh that hurts what an awesome brush off dude! - Bec

If I was a) a girl and b) remotely good-looking enough to get hit on, I would use this. I might also add that nobody cares enough about the other person to bury them when they die.

V 2 Comments
43 Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has annulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

Said it to my friend didn't have a clue but my teacher was cracking up!

Hilarious! I can't wait to use this the next time I'm in line somewhere. Wish I could've used this today when the stinky guy behind me at the bank hunched over me like he was about to hump. Lmfao, great one!

Wonderful! Another insult that will completely confuse people in my grade, making them think that I am actually smarter than I probably am. Best thing is, I can probably say this to a teacher of mine who isn't too bright and make my genius friend crack up, where everyone else is sitting there dumbfounded.

Translation: You smell like an ape

V 44 Comments
44 Your mom's so ugly she made Chuck Norris have a heart attack

Funny compared to Chuck Norris can do anything!

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with hot butter

Lol ahh this made me laugh kkk

V 11 Comments
45 Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example

Laugh out loud definitely using dis one

I used this on a guy in my class that makes fun of my name. He said "oh yeah, well least I'm not the ugly one here! " Then I used one of the other insults higher on the list and said "I could eat alphabet soup and crap out a better comeback". He cried later that day. Now everyone in class calls me cameback bill

That was the worlds best diss I wish this true to all commenters but me

I'm definitely gonna use this! LOL!

V 45 Comments
46 About as sharp as a shoelace

I'm gonna use this on a derp-ass at school

What about
I'd insult you but it seems to me nature beat me to it

ABOUT AS SHARP AS BOTH ENDS OF A DUMP

not bad

V 1 Comment
47 You're so fat you had to be baptised in Sea World

Oh my god I'm laughing so hard I can't get over this one I think its hilarious how is this not at least in the top ten?

Makes me laugh every time! I don't have much of a sense of humor but this one cracked me up. I just get a picture of someone actually being baptised in sea world... :D

Why is this not rated higher?

Spicy

V 29 Comments
48 Go away I was looking at something better than you

Absolute Classic. Something that can be said as though you yourself have come up with it.

Brilliant! This had me laughing all night. It's so simple it still gonna hurt! I must use this soon

This was amazing! I laughed so hard I laughed all morning! Just the most brilliant thing I've heard in a long time

This is awesome!

V 28 Comments
49 Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said "Hey, that's my phone number."

Genius. Made me laugh so hard

Haha me and my bestie couldn't stop laughing 4 ages

This joke is a better version then the I asked your weight not your phone number who ever thought of this is a legend

lol

V 93 Comments
50 Are you in a costume? It's not Halloween yet... oh, never mind.

I have heard this too often

Oldie but a goodie

cool

Lol

V 1 Comment
51 You're so fake that Barbie is more real than you.

Haha that's really funny I love it...
going to use that on someone for sure

A better one would be your so fake barbie is jealous

Laugh out loud! I'm totally using this on my friend! We diss each other every day for fun in Drama class.. Can't wait til tomorrow

I love this girl at school looks so fake I am gonna use this I love it

V 51 Comments
52 "why don't you go to walmart and get a new personality because clearly the one you got from k-mart has expired.

That is awesome! I can use it on a bully!

Lol pretty good m8 I'm gonna use this on my enemy called Idoge LOL I'm still laughing by the way just so you know I sorta like k-mart better than walmart but whatever still hilarious

Best insult ever # I'm real#roar

awesome

V 8 Comments
53 Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake twice.

Ah haha love this this kid at my school just cried and never took the piss out of me again

This diss makes my friends diss sound like
Its stupid lolollololollololol as soon as I saw this big paragraph without even reading it I knew it was going to be a good 1

Damn I would just say it shortly though "your mom said to pick up some condoms on the way home she doesn't wanna make the same mistake twice"

YAS

V 29 Comments
54 Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it's your parents....they made the biggest joke!

Oh my gosh.. that is priceless... - Simply_Nobody

Haha, I should use this on my friend when he pisses me off

I am so using this! Brilliant! - HenP

Awesome! I want to tell this to my friend(not really my friend) I hate him so much. Him and his ugly, fat, rotten Face. That godforsaken dirt should just die.

V 28 Comments
55 Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday.

It is so funny it made me fall of my chair because my brother started crying

This is epic - using it tomorrow for sure. Whoever made this is an epic genius

This ones a total puller when you wanna bust the hell outta your opponent in a crisp sentence...

My response: "Why would it need a holiday is it too tired from anal"

V 50 Comments
56 Dude stop acting like a girl. My bad, forgot you are one!

I would love to say this to Justin Bieber... - Minecraftcrazy530

Stupidity doesn't care if your a guy or girl but clearly it got whoever thought this joke was funny

That's a good one I think I'm gonna add it to the list just to piss of whoever wrote this and by the way it came from my own head so props to me

Oh I'm sorry but I'm the best soccer player at my school and if you want to mess with girls then that's your problem so if I were you I would apologize to ALL GIRLS

FUNNIEST THING IN DA WORLD LOL LOL LOL LOL LOOL HAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHA Dang I laugh easily... lol loool

V 34 Comments
57 Yo mamma is so fat, her pants size is Bitch lose some weight.

Oh my gosh! This is the best diss ever. Really got me laughing hella hard! What would the next size up in pant size be? Like: hey does anyone have some butter handy so this lady can fit into her pants?

Wow, this will actually encourage people to lose some weight!

Hah! When I said it to my Friends they were walking away Almost Crying! That's just Sad to see them almost cry. Just Sad :P

yes...

V 27 Comments
58 Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves

This one is it

Wow I love this diss so much I used it on all my friends they found it hilarious and I told them to come onto this sight to look at the best disses ever?!?!

I don't get this but it made me and my friend laugh so much!

This makes me laugh every time I see this

V 24 Comments
59 Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts

Amazing I am going to use this loads laugh out loud

This is so funny I laughed so hard! I swear this is one of the best cuss I've ever heard!

Laugh out loud to howevers got a big head. Nice One

I can't even :D

V 3 Comments
60 Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles

SO MEAN! I was bullied and people beat me up because of what? Oh wait yeah my ears. But those who think its funny I'm glad you have a good sense of humor:) I'm not judging I just mean Somme of these jokes go too far

This is so funny! A girl at school calls me pig nose and I used this comeback. It worked so good she left me alone for the rest of the school year. LOL

Does it really matter about your ear size? You can't bully random people just because they have big ears

FUNNIEST! :DD

V 9 Comments
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List StatsUpdated 25 Sep 2017

70,000 votes
2,592 listings
11 years, 314 days old

Top Remixes (127)

1. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
2. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
3. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
PositronWildhawk
1. Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.
2. Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
3. Yo mama so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Elvisjackson
1. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
2. You're like STDs, nobody wants you, everyone hates you and it proves your parents should have used protection.
3. I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
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