Best Jokes of All Time

The Top Ten
1 Good women are found on every corner of the earth but sadly the earth is round!

So peoples you can latterly use this joke in a comedy act like this: Well when I was little my dad said that good woman are found on every corner of the earth! My first question to that was how many corners does the earth have. Then I realized the earth has no corners. Tis is by far the best joke

This is number one? this is offensive to women. Who put an offensive joke at #1?

That is the funniest one. It should be first.

It is not funny at al

2 Come to the Darkside... We have cookies!

Never! But uh, now just how many cookies are we talking about here?!

Guys... Did you know that Donald Trump has a brain?

I think this is a very funny JOKE.

3 How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalogue.

That is so funny

4 Come to the dark side, we have Loki, and cookies

This joke is probably the best
Hell even finds this positive
Inside a homeless shelter hobos are laughing
Sharks in the tanks are... Also laughing.

Jesters tell this to their kings
Other people spread the joke
Kangaroos hop as they hear the joke
Everyone laughs at this masterpiece.

Inside my heart is laughing
Super Nintendos drop to the ground when the joke is heard.

Black people don't find it offensive
And blondes don't too.
Dads tell their sons, and you should to...

5 Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? Because there's 20 of them.

Oh, I get it! 20 eight-year olds, right!

6 Mom, I'm on Coke.. [OMG how dare you?] ...and Pepsi!

Mom, I'm on coke
Is it good?
No! My name is on the coke bottle!

This is what would happen. Then I would finally find the "Jill" on the name bottles.

She thought he was on cocaine?

7 Come to the nerd side... We have pi

Better version of "come to the dark side we have cookies". Much better.

Come to the dork side is better because it sounds like dark side.

Lol. I'm not a nerd in any sense but this is pretty funny. I'll tell my nerd neighbor to use it, she will probably smother me with know large of pi while doing her distinctly nerdy laugh.

Put that on a shirt

8 I know Victoria's secret and it ain't pretty.
9 I know why the lights went out. Because they liked each other.

I like it... Buuhuhuhuht I hate it. And yes I do get but where I live I get like 5 blackouts every week. And that's why I hate it. But I like it because I get it and that is because I never get jokes.

10 Yo mama so fat, she takes up space

This is one of the more generic Yo Mama jokes, but I guess it works.

So dumb but funny

The Contenders
11 What is black and white and red? A sunburned zebra.
12 What do you call a 70s cookie band? OREO Speedwagon.
13 What happens to a Rhinoceros during puberty? He gets horny.
14 Do you have a PSP? [Yes] Haha, you have a Pretty Small Penis

Whoa, I never knew what this meant. Now I know. When my friend first asked me I said:
"Yeah" and he looked at me, scared. Then I thought, that's not good. So I just said:
"No, I was just kidding. By the way, what does that mean? I thought you meant the game system. "

Awesome! I have another.
Kid1: Do you want to be the Chairman Of the World?
Kid2: Yes, of course!
Kid1: That means you are a COW!
Kid2: Oh, Chairman Of the World! Yes! It's abbreviation is cow! Awesome!
Kid1: Yeah, and it's you.
Kid2: Aargh!

3DS is way better anyways!

Laugh out loud Nice haha.. will definitely use this on one of my friendss...!

15 What does a television have in common with a rabbit? His ears!
16 What did the crop say to the farmer? Why are you always picking on me?
17 What doesn't get wet when it rains? The ocean.

Cause it's already wet!

18 How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 11. One to screw it in and 10 to take 200 photos of it for Facebook.
19 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! To get away from the cook! To prove he's no chicken!
20 Why does Mr. McMahon have to go to heaven? Because he has no chance in hell.

I somewhat get the joke, but why "Mr. McMahon"? Is that meant to be a reference to something?

21 What's the difference between a mole and an eagle. They both live underground, except for the eagle.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a lion? One is heartless, roars angrily at everything, has stupid hair and eats the innocent... The other is a lion.

What the... That doesn't even make sense.

It said EXCEPT for the eagle - they were basically making fun of their own joke

22 Your mama is so fat she couldn't fit on Earth

Yo mama so fat when she caught a magikarp, She was imprisoned.

If Yo mama splashed into North Pacific Ocean, Alaska Drowned, so what if her magikarp splashes?

23 Yo mama so stupid when she got fired she set herself on fire.

Makes no sense at all but I just love it for that. The best on here in my opinion. There's something about it that just makes you laugh. I don't even know what it is but lol.

What did you say about my mama?

24 What's green and dangerous? A frog with a gun

Correction: what makes a pitter-pattering noise? A spider with a plaster on.

What is black white and crazy? A constipated panda!

Man, this is even worse than "What's yellow and has a peel? A banana! "

What's make a pitter-pattering noise? A spider with a plaster on.

25 A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
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