Best Jokes of All Time

The Top Ten

1 Come to the Darkside... We have cookies!

Never! But uh, now just how many cookies are we talking about here?!

lmao... that's why anikon went to the darkside, lmao

thats being seduced by the dark side of the force

Guys... Did you know that Donald Trump has a brain?

2 Good women are found on every corner of the earth but sadly the earth is round!

So peoples you can latterly use this joke in a comedy act like this: Well when I was little my dad said that good woman are found on every corner of the earth! My first question to that was how many corners does the earth have. Then I realized the earth has no corners. Tis is by far the best joke

That is the funniest one. It should be first.

This is funny what do you mean

Change it to good politicians and it's more accurate

3 How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalogue.

Makes fun of michael jackson

That is so funny

4 Come to the dark side, we have Loki, and cookies

This joke is probably the best
Hell even finds this positive
Inside a homeless shelter hobos are laughing
Sharks in the tanks are... Also laughing.

Jesters tell this to their kings
Other people spread the joke
Kangaroos hop as they hear the joke
Everyone laughs at this masterpiece.

Inside my heart is laughing
Super Nintendos drop to the ground when the joke is heard.

Black people don't find it offensive
And blondes don't too.
Dads tell their sons, and you should to...

5 Come to the nerd side... We have pi

Lol. I'm not a nerd in any sense but this is pretty funny. I'll tell my nerd neighbor to use it, she will probably smother me with know large of pi while doing her distinctly nerdy laugh.

Better version of "come to the dark side we have cookies". Much better.

Put that on a shirt

Come to the dork side is better because it sounds like dark side.

6 I know why the lights went out. Because they liked each other.

I like it... Buuhuhuhuht I hate it. And yes I do get but where I live I get like 5 blackouts every week. And that's why I hate it. But I like it because I get it and that is because I never get jokes.

Not a bad one!

7 Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? Because there's 20 of them.

because there's 20 of them, hehehehe

That's just sick, but funny, lol

Oh, I get it! 20 eight-year olds, right!

Its funny b/c it is 20 8 yr old kids

8 Do you have a PSP? [Yes] Haha, you have a Pretty Small Penis

Whoa, I never knew what this meant. Now I know. When my friend first asked me I said:
"Yeah" and he looked at me, scared. Then I thought, that's not good. So I just said:
"No, I was just kidding. By the way, what does that mean? I thought you meant the game system. "

Awesome! I have another.
Kid1: Do you want to be the Chairman Of the World?
Kid2: Yes, of course!
Kid1: That means you are a COW!
Kid2: Oh, Chairman Of the World! Yes! It's abbreviation is cow! Awesome!
Kid1: Yeah, and it's you.
Kid2: Aargh!

I got it and it's funny!

Laugh out loud Nice haha.. will definitely use this on one of my friendss...!

9 Mom, I'm on Coke.. [OMG how dare you?] ...and Pepsi!

It's funny when I tell someone I'm addicted to coke cause they think I mean the drug :P

Mom, I'm on coke
Is it good?
No! My name is on the coke bottle!

This is what would happen. Then I would finally find the "Jill" on the name bottles.

She thought he was on cocaine?

She must work for mtn dew them lol.

10 How do you stop a rhino from charging? You take away his credit card!


The Newcomers

? I don’t trust the stairs. They’re always up to something!

Take the elevator instead.

? Parallel lines have so much in common... it’s a shame they’ll never meet!

The Contenders

11 I know Victoria's secret and it ain't pretty.
12 Yo mama so fat, she takes up space

This is one of the more generic Yo Mama jokes, but I guess it works.

It's so lame that its funny

So dumb but funny

Wait, do you mean personal AND outer space? because that'll be even better.:b

13 Have you seen the movie constipated? No. It hasn't came out yet!

This is utterly gross but hilarious!

Its funny because I can relate too it

Gross! But hilarious!

14 What is black and white and red? A sunburned zebra.
15 What do you call a 70s cookie band? OREO Speedwagon.
16 What happens to a Rhinoceros during puberty? He gets horny.
17 What does a television have in common with a rabbit? His ears!
18 What did the crop say to the farmer? Why are you always picking on me?
19 A horse walks into a bar. 5 men see the risk associated with this situation and quickly leave.

This one is a rare gem among a mostly bland list.

20 What doesn't get wet when it rains? The ocean.

Cause it's already wet!

21 How many babies does it take to make a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw 'em!

My classmates use this joke. So nice!

Please don't let Donald Trump read this!

Bit harsh, but kind of funny.

Isn’t this child abuse?

22 Why does Mr. McMahon have to go to heaven? Because he has no chance in hell.

Cos he has no chance in HELL

I somewhat get the joke, but why “Mr. McMahon”? Is that meant to be a reference to something?

23 Yo mama so stupid when she got fired she set herself on fire.

Makes no sense at all but I just love it for that. The best on here in my opinion. There's something about it that just makes you laugh. I don't even know what it is but lol.

What did you say about my mama?

24 What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.

- A con artist fox

25 A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Haha nothing ever hapens at a job you hate

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