Top 10 Best Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

Don't you love the lies we tell our kids! I do. Here are some of my favorites that I was told in my youth.
The Top Ten
1 There is a Santa Claus

Christmas 2016: I get a TV for Christmas, the tag says it's from Santa.
Summer 2020: *My dad sees my TV screen is very dirty.* "Please get some windex and clean the screen, we bought that for you, so please take good care of it."

And peple wonder why I don't believe in Santa.

The sweetest of dreams! A benevolent white-bearded man coming down the chimney - we left cookies and carrots for him and his reindeer. My older sister and I felt like we were the last ones in school to find out the truth; my younger sister felt the burden of keeping the charade alive. I'm 42 and we still get presents from St. Nick. A beautiful lie! (I include the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and all the other wonderful make-believe figments of society's imagination.

Saint Nicholas is real, but he ded and he's not the one we imagined. He doesn't look like we think he does (I think he was actually pretty skinny), he didn't come down chimneys, he didn't watch you, he didn't give presents to only the nice people, he gave them to the ones who were struggling in life: financially, etc, etc.

I'm 11. My mom and dad had a talk with me that santa wasn't real. I already knew santas at the mall weren't real santa, but I didn't know my parents were. Mom let me touch Michael(the elf). I already suspected that santa was fake, but the talk was just confirming it. My little brother who is 9 still believes in santa. Michael is in mom's top drawer.

2 We love each of you children equally

Haha, I don't know why parents even bother saying this. Newsflash: Kids know when you favor a kid.

Right! That's how come Cathy got a car and I didn't.

Maybe to my dad but my mum likes my sister a LOT more.

It's very clear that my mom prefers my sister.

3 Don't cross your eyes or else they will get stuck

I thought this was true until about ten seconds ago! Well I feel stupid...

4 Don't masturbate or you'll go blind
5 Don't pee in the pool or a red ring of ink will surround you

My Uncle Mike told me this one! It worked. I was deathly afraid of embarrassing myself - even the slightest urge had me scampering out of the water to the bathroom. Brilliant! I've told it a few times myself.

I always pee in the pool!

So you'll go to hell?

6 You can't go swimming until an hour after you eat

Well this one is sort of true but I don't think you need to wait that long. Exercising immediately after eating can cause some problems, though, because when you exercise the blood flow is diverted away from the digestive system to the muscles that need the energy so that you don't get tired too easily. But really you don't need to wait an hour. I normally don't exert myself too much when I swim anyway.

Chalk this one up to ignorance. Just parents repeating the same crap their parents told them. Somebody must stop the cycle of BS. - although I do remember a particularly harsh burpy swim practice after downing a whole pizza.

That's sort of true!

7 Don't swallow the seeds or a watermelon tree will grow out of your mouth

I won a watermelon eating contest at Pizmo Beach in the summer of '77 and I must have swallowed a thousand of them - No Tree!

There wouldn't be enough sun, soil, water, etc. for the seed to grow. Plus, how would the seed germinate inside a stomach?

I'm Asian and while growing up I listened to this Cantonese kid's song that claims that if you eat watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow out of your head (which, of course, is total BS because I have tested that theory and nothing actually happened to me)

I used to believe in that lie when I was little!

8 Don't swallow your gum. It takes 7 years to digest.

Pure parental bull crap! I should have asked dad to show me his medical degree. Lucky for him it was pre-Google. Would have loved to call him out on that one!

More like it takes a day to digest and will end up in your poo.

9 Men don't cry

Found that one out the hard way!

10 It won’t hurt. I promise
The Contenders
11 There is a tooth fairy

When I was younger I stupidly believed in this. I put my tooth under my pillow, and when I woke up the next day, it was still there.

There is "a the" tooth fairy?

12 Video games will rot your brain

No they don't! Parents just want an excuse to stop you from playing video games!

My dad always tells me this.

They make me live forever.

Partially bs but violent games basically turn ya into murderers

13 This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you

What? Not unless a razor is sticking out of my butt!

14 You can be anything when you grow up

Oh, when I was 7, my parents told me I couldn't get my dream job.

Asian parent: You can only be doctor, lawyer, or engineer!

I want to be a toilet!

I will be a sticker

15 When the ice cream truck plays music, that means it’s out of ice cream

"But mom, look! The ice cream truck stopped, and all the kids are surrounding it! "

16 I have eyes in the back of my head
17 Kids who don’t go to school will grow up to be hobos

There's help for them

This is true though

18 There is an Easter bunny
19 Adults don't cry
20 School is fun

Yep, being with people you can't stand, bullied and having some of your teachers be horrible at their job is totally fun!

That's the biggest lie I ever heard, by the way, I'm at school making this comment!

So doing exams are fun?

The rules, bullies, work, long hours, and mean teachers ruin the fun

21 Fairies are real
22 It tastes like candy!

That's how they try to feed us vegetables. I actually like vegetables so this doesn't apply to me.

And they wonder how children abuses drugs in the future...

23 The dog went to live on a farm
24 If you eat expired food, you will die

Not true. I have eaten tons of expired food over the years, including 18 month old relish. I am still alive

I ate expired chips once and I'm alive!

Pure parental bull.

25 Monsters are real
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