Best Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

Don't you love the lies we tell our kids! I do. Here are some of my favorites that I was told in my youth.

The Top Ten

1 Don't masturbate or you'll go blind

I Heard that In Grand Theft Auto 5 While Hearing Ron Talking About That On His Radio Show BCR Commity Hour - topbesttopworst

Who da faq came up with this? - Doge4lifeGaming

2 There is a Santa Claus

The sweetest of dreams! A benevolent white-bearded man coming down the chimney - we left cookies and carrots for him and his reindeer. My older sister and I felt like we were the last ones in school to find out the truth; my younger sister felt the burden of keeping the charade alive. I'm 42 and we still get presents from St. Nick. A beautiful lie! (I include the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and all the other wonderful make-believe figments of society's imagination.

Saint Nicholas is real, but he ded and he's not the one we imagined. He doesn't look like we think he does (I think he was actually pretty skinny), he didn't come down chimneys, he didn't watch you, he didn't give presents to only the nice people, he gave them to the ones who were struggling in life: financially, etc, etc. - Evant

Same thing here. My parents still expect me to believe even though I already know. Now it's up to me to act like a 4 year old about Santa cause I'm the youngest. - notyetsaved

How do you explain having Santa in one store and the one right next to it at the same time?

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3 Adults don't cry
4 Don't swallow your gum. It takes 7 years to digest.

Pure parental bull crap! I should have asked dad to show me his medical degree. Lucky for him it was pre-Google. Would have loved to call him out on that one!

I have swallowed gum multiple times so this is fake.-DarkBoi-X

5 Anything is possible

Kid: So it can rain money and candy? AWESOME!

Doing nothing is impossible - Doge4lifeGaming

6 If you eat expired food, you will die

Not true. I have eaten tons of expired food over the years, including 18 month old relish. I am still alive

OW dieing

I ate expired chips once and I’m alive!

7 It won’t hurt. I promise

(5 seconds later: OWWW! YOU LIED! WAAAH! >:(

8 We love each of you children equally

Right! That's how come Cathy got a car and I didn't.

So one child is loved and the others are hated - mayamanga

Maybe to my dad but my mum likes my sister a LOT more. - KingFab

My mom hates me and I hate her.She ruined my life by making me miss my friends,getting wounds,forced me to be with rude people,etc.-DarkBoi-X

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9 Kids who don’t go to school will grow up to be hobos

There’s help for them

10 Don't cross your eyes or else they will get stuck

I thought this was true until about ten seconds ago! Well I feel stupid...

The Newcomers

? Cartoons are for little kids

Not true. I love watching Disney’s Hercules and I’m 26.

The Contenders

11 Don't pee in the pool or a red ring of ink will surround you

My Uncle Mike told me this one! It worked. I was deathly afraid of embarrassing myself - even the slightest urge had me scampering out of the water to the bathroom. Brilliant! I've told it a few times myself.

Well, I was at the pool last weekend with my little sister and we were in the pool, I was helping her swim, and she says the she can't hold it and pees in the pool. I tell her it's okay and NOTHING HAPPENED TO HER. - Swiftdawn

This will probably be true if girls that are on their heavy period days do that...

Yeah... “red ink.”

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12 Don't swallow the seeds or a watermelon tree will grow out of your mouth

There wouldn't be enough sun, soil, water, etc. for the seed to grow. Plus, how would the seed germinate inside a stomach? - Evant

I won a watermelon eating contest at Pizmo Beach in the summer of '77 and I must have swallowed a thousand of them - No Tree!

I’m Asian and while growing up I listened to this Cantonese kid’s song that claims that if you eat watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow out of your head (which, of course, is total BS because I have tested that theory and nothing actually happened to me)

13 There is a the tooth fairy
14 You can't go swimming until an hour after you eat

Well this one is sort of true but I don't think you need to wait that long. Exercising immediately after eating can cause some problems, though, because when you exercise the blood flow is diverted away from the digestive system to the muscles that need the energy so that you don't get tired too easily. But really you don't need to wait an hour. I normally don't exert myself too much when I swim anyway.

Whenever the ice cream truck comes when I'm at the pool, after I finish it off I go back in the water - mayamanga

Chalk this one up to ignorance. Just parents repeating the same crap their parents told them. Somebody must stop the cycle of BS. - although I do remember a particularly harsh burpy swim practice after downing a whole pizza.

In 2011 my cousins and I went to Camelbeach and the first thing that we did after lunch was swim in the pool

15 God is real

There is no proof that god exists or not. - MrCoolC

It is true..

16 Men don't cry

Found that one out the hard way!

17 There is an Easter bunny
18 This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you

What? Not unless a razor is sticking out of my butt!

19 When the ice cream truck plays music, that means it’s out of ice cream

"But mom, look! The ice cream truck stopped, and all the kids are surrounding it! " - Gg2000

Whoever made this up is the big gay - Doge4lifeGaming

20 They have eyes in the back of their heads
21 You're not going to hell

Everyone just assumes God loves them and they're going to heaven. And then they tell their kids that. They don't even bother to read what the Bible says about it.

22 The dog went to live on a farm

Aka fatality - Maddox121

23 Video games will rot your brain

I sometimes play video games all day, and I am one of the smartest people in my class

My cousins and I play games and we have good grades in school

My dad always tells me this.

24 If you dream about the deceased, it means that they want you dead along with them

Somehow my mom dreamt about my late Grandpa Edward when she was pregnant with me. She is still alive - Mii24

25 School is fun

The rules, bullies, work, long hours, and mean teachers ruin the fun

So doing exams are fun? - Doge4lifeGaming

Yep, being with people you can’t stand, bullied and having some of your teachers be horrible at their job is totally fun! - 3DG20

That’s the biggest lie I ever heard, by the way, I’m at school making this comment!

26 We found you in the garbage

What? Why would you tell your kids that?

27 You can be anything when you grow up

Asian parent: You can only be doctor, lawyer, or engineer!

I wanna be an atom - Doge4lifeGaming

Oh, when I was 7, my parents told me I couldn’t get my dream job.

Kid: I wanna be a dog when I grow up!

Dream on, kid. Dream on.

28 It tastes like candy!

And they wonder how children abuses drugs in the future...

29 I have eyes in the back of my head
30 Your relatives have a dog that guards the 2nd floor of the house and bites anyone who dares to enters it

My relatives say this ALL the time to keep little kids from crawling up the stairs, AND THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOG!

31 If bad stuff happens to you on Chinese New Year, you’ll be cursed for the remainder of the Lunar year

Not true. I was sick on CNY quite a few times. It lasted only 1-2 days and not 365.

32 If a fetus has 2 Y chromosomes, it means that the baby will be gay

That is incredibly stupid and impossible

33 Baby talk helps with speech development in children

This is WRONG! My relatives speak in baby talk to my cousins and now they have speech problems.

34 Amusement rides that go upside down can distort your face
35 The boogeyman is real
36 Never trust any black people because they all do bad stuff

The most racist lie pretty much every Asian kid will grow up hearing

37 Monsters are real
38 Sugar-free foods are good for people with diabetes

The artificial sweeteners are WAY worse than regular sugar. Also, my family BANS sugar-free food from the diets of diabetics and people with high blood sugar

39 If you point at the stars, a mole will grow on your face

Lol.

40 You need to have clear pee

It's impossible

41 Fairies are real
42 Getting teeth pulled doesn't hurt

I hated my childhood dentist because he caused me pain while pulling out my baby teeth

43 Roller coasters can distort your face and make you look ugly

What if I was already ugly? - 3DG20

That’s not even close to true.

I have ridden dozens of coasters (including the kiddie and family ones) and I’m still pretty

44 If you go out with wet hair you will get sick
45 If a little kid coughs it means that he/she is sick

My relatives believed that if any one of my cousins were coughing, they are automatically sick

46 All expired food will make you sick

It depends on the food. Most are still good a few days after the expiration date, but you still have to smell and taste it and check it's appearance first. Some food even goes bad BEFORE the expiration date.

47 If you eat watermelon and cheese together, you will get a bad stomach ache

Ever heard of watermelon and feta salad?

48 All thrill rides will make you sick and throw up

It depends on your health and if you just ate you shouldn't be riding these for at least 2-3 hours.

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