Best Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

Don't you love the lies we tell our kids! I do. Here are some of my favorites that I was told in my youth.

The Top Ten Best Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

1 There is a Santa Claus

I'm 11. My mom and dad had a talk with me that santa wasn't real. I already knew santas at the mall weren't real santa, but I didn't know my parents were. Mom let me touch Michael(the elf). I already suspected that santa was fake, but the talk was just confirming it. My little brother who is 9 still believes in santa. Michael is in mom's top drawer.

No there ain’t

The sweetest of dreams! A benevolent white-bearded man coming down the chimney - we left cookies and carrots for him and his reindeer. My older sister and I felt like we were the last ones in school to find out the truth; my younger sister felt the burden of keeping the charade alive. I'm 42 and we still get presents from St. Nick. A beautiful lie! (I include the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and all the other wonderful make-believe figments of society's imagination.

Same thing here. My parents still expect me to believe even though I already know. Now it's up to me to act like a 4 year old about Santa cause I'm the youngest. - notyetsaved

2 We love each of you children equally

Right! That's how come Cathy got a car and I didn't.

Maybe to my dad but my mum likes my sister a LOT more. - KingFab

Haha, I don't know why parents even bother saying this. Newsflash: Kids know when you favor a kid.

"YEAH RIGHT! ' Then how come my sister got money for her high school graduation but when I graduated from high school I got NOTHING? >:(

3 Don't cross your eyes or else they will get stuck

I thought this was true until about ten seconds ago! Well I feel stupid...

4 Don't masturbate or you'll go blind

Who da faq came up with this? - Doge4lifeGaming

I Heard that In Grand Theft Auto 5 While Hearing Ron Talking About That On His Radio Show BCR Commity Hour - topbesttopworst

5 Don't pee in the pool or a red ring of ink will surround you

So you'll go to hell?

My Uncle Mike told me this one! It worked. I was deathly afraid of embarrassing myself - even the slightest urge had me scampering out of the water to the bathroom. Brilliant! I've told it a few times myself.

Well, I was at the pool last weekend with my little sister and we were in the pool, I was helping her swim, and she says the she can't hold it and pees in the pool. I tell her it's okay and NOTHING HAPPENED TO HER. - Swiftdawn

This will probably be true if girls that are on their heavy period days do that...

6 Don't swallow the seeds or a watermelon tree will grow out of your mouth

There wouldn't be enough sun, soil, water, etc. for the seed to grow. Plus, how would the seed germinate inside a stomach? - Evant

I won a watermelon eating contest at Pizmo Beach in the summer of '77 and I must have swallowed a thousand of them - No Tree!

I’m Asian and while growing up I listened to this Cantonese kid’s song that claims that if you eat watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow out of your head (which, of course, is total BS because I have tested that theory and nothing actually happened to me)

7 God is real

God is really real. this is not a lie

I'm a parent and I would never feed this religious crap to my kids. - Meljacques

There is no proof that god exists or not. - MrCoolC

It is true..

8 You can't go swimming until an hour after you eat

Well this one is sort of true but I don't think you need to wait that long. Exercising immediately after eating can cause some problems, though, because when you exercise the blood flow is diverted away from the digestive system to the muscles that need the energy so that you don't get tired too easily. But really you don't need to wait an hour. I normally don't exert myself too much when I swim anyway.

In 2011 my cousins and I went to Camelbeach and the first thing that we did after lunch was swim in the pool

Chalk this one up to ignorance. Just parents repeating the same crap their parents told them. Somebody must stop the cycle of BS. - although I do remember a particularly harsh burpy swim practice after downing a whole pizza.

9 Don't swallow your gum. It takes 7 years to digest.

They also say that if u swallow your gum it will grow in your stomach that's is bs cause I do it all the time and I am good - NF-2003

I have swallowed gum multiple times so this is fake.-DarkBoi-X

Pure parental bull crap! I should have asked dad to show me his medical degree. Lucky for him it was pre-Google. Would have loved to call him out on that one!

10 Men don't cry

Found that one out the hard way!

The Contenders

11 It won’t hurt. I promise

Lol to the Lol

(5 seconds later: OWWW! YOU LIED! WAAAH! >:(

12 This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you

What? Not unless a razor is sticking out of my butt!

13 When the ice cream truck plays music, that means it’s out of ice cream

"But mom, look! The ice cream truck stopped, and all the kids are surrounding it! " - Gg2000

Whoever made this up is the big gay - Doge4lifeGaming

14 Video games will rot your brain

No they don't! Parents just want an excuse to stop you from playing video games!

They make me live forever. - mistyglow

I sometimes play video games all day, and I am one of the smartest people in my class

My cousins and I play games and we have good grades in school

15 There is a the tooth fairy

There is “a the” tooth fairy?

When I was younger I stupidly believed in this. I put my tooth under my pillow, and when I woke up the next day, it was still there.

16 Adults don't cry

I’m an adult and I cry sometimes

17 School is fun

So doing exams are fun? - Doge4lifeGaming

The rules, bullies, work, long hours, and mean teachers ruin the fun

Yep, being with people you can’t stand, bullied and having some of your teachers be horrible at their job is totally fun! - 3DG20

That’s the biggest lie I ever heard, by the way, I’m at school making this comment!

18 They have eyes in the back of their heads
19 You're not going to hell

Everyone just assumes God loves them and they're going to heaven. And then they tell their kids that. They don't even bother to read what the Bible says about it.

20 The dog went to live on a farm

Aka fatality - Maddox121

21 Kids who don’t go to school will grow up to be hobos

This is true though - DarkBoi-X

There’s help for them

22 Never trust any black people because they all do bad stuff

What are you saying about us? All of my family don't really do anything bad.

The most racist lie pretty much every Asian kid will grow up hearing

23 If you dream about the deceased, it means that they want you dead along with them

Somehow my mom dreamt about my late Grandpa Edward when she was pregnant with me. She is still alive - Mii24

24 We found you in the garbage

What? Why would you tell your kids that?

25 You can be anything when you grow up

I wanna be an atom - Doge4lifeGaming

Asian parent: You can only be doctor, lawyer, or engineer!

Oh, when I was 7, my parents told me I couldn’t get my dream job.

Kid: I wanna be a dog when I grow up!

Dream on, kid. Dream on.

26 Anything is possible

In your dreams kids

Kid: So it can rain money and candy? AWESOME!

Doing nothing is impossible - Doge4lifeGaming

27 Getting teeth pulled doesn't hurt

This is semi-true as in getting them pulled hurts a little but them just falling out without you knowing don't - Mii24

I hated my childhood dentist because he caused me pain while pulling out my baby teeth

28 Roller coasters can distort your face and make you look ugly

What if I was already ugly? - 3DG20

That’s not even close to true.

I have ridden dozens of coasters (including the kiddie and family ones) and I’m still pretty

29 It tastes like candy!

And they wonder how children abuses drugs in the future...

30 I have eyes in the back of my head
31 Your relatives have a dog that guards the 2nd floor of the house and bites anyone who dares to enters it

My relatives say this ALL the time to keep little kids from crawling up the stairs, AND THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOG!

32 If you eat expired food, you will die

Not true. I have eaten tons of expired food over the years, including 18 month old relish. I am still alive

OW dieing

I ate expired chips once and I’m alive!

33 If bad stuff happens to you on Chinese New Year, you’ll be cursed for the remainder of the Lunar year

Not true. I was sick on CNY quite a few times. It lasted only 1-2 days and not 365.

34 If a fetus has 2 Y chromosomes, it means that the baby will be gay

That is incredibly stupid and impossible

35 Baby talk helps with speech development in children

This is WRONG! My relatives speak in baby talk to my cousins and now they have speech problems.

36 Amusement rides that go upside down can distort your face
37 The boogeyman is real
38 Monsters are real
39 There is an Easter bunny
40 Sugar-free foods are good for people with diabetes

The artificial sweeteners are WAY worse than regular sugar. Also, my family BANS sugar-free food from the diets of diabetics and people with high blood sugar

41 If you point at the stars, a mole will grow on your face

This list is funny. - mistyglow

42 You need to have clear pee

It is not impossible sometimes I have clear wee you have to be hydrated enough though

It's impossible

43 Fairies are real
44 If you go out with wet hair you will get sick
45 If a little kid coughs it means that he/she is sick

My relatives believed that if any one of my cousins were coughing, they are automatically sick

46 All expired food will make you sick

It depends on the food. Most are still good a few days after the expiration date, but you still have to smell and taste it and check it's appearance first. Some food even goes bad BEFORE the expiration date.

47 If you eat watermelon and cheese together, you will get a bad stomach ache

Ever heard of watermelon and feta salad?

48 All thrill rides will make you sick and throw up

It depends on your health and if you just ate you shouldn't be riding these for at least 2-3 hours.

49 Cartoons are for little kids

Not true. I love watching Disney’s Hercules and I’m 26.

50 You are too old/big for_______

I'm 26 and I can still ride on coin operated horses with no problems!

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