Best Lisa Lampanelli Jokes on a Comedy Central Roast

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These are the funniest jokes that the lovable queen of mean has made on the Comedy Central Roasts. All make you gasp for air, but which one is the best?

The Top Ten

1 To David Hasselhoff: Your singing is huge in Germany. If they had played your music in Auschwitz the Jews would've sprinted for those ovens. - David Hasselhoff Roast
2 To George Hamilton: It's no surprise George Hamilton loves the Sun, they were born in the same year. The difference is the Sun is actually a star. - David Hasselhoff Roast
3 To Carrot Top: I used to think they called you Carrot Top because of your red hair, now I know its because people would love to see you buried up to your forehead in dirt. - Flavor Flav Roast

One of the most clever jokes she's ever made, easily. Carrot Top is such an easy target, yet she still manages one of the most original insults I've ever heard.

4 To Paul Schaffer: I can't help it it's that bald head of his, is that hot or what. Every time I see you on T.V. it reminds me to clean my dildo. - Chevy Chase Roast
5 To Gene Simmons: Gene has slept with over 5,000 women, it's true I saw the Polaroids. Gene has more photos of old weathered crevices than Ansel Adams. - Gene Simmons Roast
6 To Frank Decaro: That guy is so gay my ass hurts. He can sit on a lollipop and guess the flavor. Frank is so gay he s**t condom. - Chevy Chase Roast
7 To Mike "The Situation": I tried ordering your book on Amazon.com. Amazon said customers who bought this book also bought a rope and a stool. - Donald Trump Roast
8 To Patton Oswald: Look at you with those tiny baby hands. Your hands are so small you'd have to wear boxing gloves to fist me. - Flavor Flav Roast
9 To Lorraine Newman: She's skinny, right. I've taken bigger dumps than that freakin broad. I can fart and blow you out of the room. Eat something and swallow, Frank Decaro does. - Chevy Chase Roast
10 To Warren Sapp: You're cute, seriously. You're so hot if I owned you I'd let you in my house. - Larry the Cable Guy Roast

The Contenders

11 To David Hasselhoff: You quit that cushy gig as a judge on America's Got Talent, what's wrong with you, that was the worst career move since Mel Gibson bought his girlfriend that tape recorder. - David Hasselhoff Roast
12 To Flavor Flav: Flavor Flav was a member of Public Enemy when their first albums went Platinum. Sadly, his last solo effort went Paper Mache. - Flavor Flav Roast
13 To Betty White: Betty White is so old that on her first game show, the grand prize was fire.
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List Stats

13 listings
6 years, 337 days old

Top Remixes

1. To David Hasselhoff: Your singing is huge in Germany. If they had played your music in Auschwitz the Jews would've sprinted for those ovens. - David Hasselhoff Roast
2. To George Hamilton: It's no surprise George Hamilton loves the Sun, they were born in the same year. The difference is the Sun is actually a star. - David Hasselhoff Roast
3. To Carrot Top: I used to think they called you Carrot Top because of your red hair, now I know its because people would love to see you buried up to your forehead in dirt. - Flavor Flav Roast
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