DCfnaf Movie Reviews: Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

DCfnaf WARNING: Some viewers may disagree with this review. If you do, PLEASE respect my opinion and let me know NICELY why you have yours. Thank you.

Pirates of the Carribean is a really cool movie franchise. I enjoy it a lot, even the movies that get tons of hate. Obviously "The Curse of the Black Pearl" was the best movie in the series (probably because it was actually original) because of its simple plot and concept. I also enjoyed "Dead Man's Chest" because it still had that simple story and idea to go with it. Unfortunately, this series basically jumped the shark at "At World's End". Hmm...At WORLD's End? More like at the SERIES end. This installment was panned due to a very packed plot that was hard to follow, which was a flaw for a series that usually had a very simple plot. "On Stranger Tides" was not as packed, but it was just nothing special at all and it was incredibly bland. I didn't really think about this series ever since I played "Lego Pirates of the Carribean" and quite frankly I don't think the series really needed a fifth movie. But hey, if you want to have that ending where everyone is happy, that's perfectly fine with me. The latest and (hopefully) final installment of the franchise is called "Dead Men Tell No Tales" because why not. Did this movie save the series from its mediocre streak? Well...nah. Not at all.

Plot Synopsis

"Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" talks about Jack Sparrow, teaming up with Henry Turner the son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, and an astronomer named Carina Smyth in order to find the Trident of Poseidon. Unfortunately, their journey is hindered because a ship of ghost pirates, led by an old enemy named Captain Salazar, have escaped the Devil's Triangle with the goal to kill Jack Sparrow and all of the other pirates in the seven seas.

One of the biggest issues with this film is that the plot is so convoluted. Many scenes in the movie feel forced and the characters get out of tough situations because the plot was swinging his little gavel and shouting "DO THIS!!!" at the elements of the movie. At the beginning, Jack's crew leaves him because he's not getting any money for the crew and so they leave him. Later on, Henry, a kid they don't even know, convinces them to save him from being guillotined because...well...he gave then a tidbit of money? Please. *Rolls Eyes*. Another scene where Jack is being forced into a marriage is interrupted because Barbossa conveniently came along to prevent it and let the movie progress. That's what you call packed writing. Why did we need this marriage scene to happen? To fill up 10 minutes of the movie? This plot is forcing too much into it and it makes no sense to me because the simple plot of the first two movies was what made them really great movies.

Unlike the last four movies, I felt like characters were not very interesting this time around and a lot of them are either underused or overused. You know that your movie is flawed as all hell if Jack Sparrow is the most unlikeable character in the movie. He is literally the reason that Salazar and the rest of the pirates get out of the Devil's Triangle in the first place. How did that happen? Because Jack sold his compass to someone else. That is so forced. Why would Jack give up his compass? If the reason is because he was drunk, I will break the computer screen open. If it's not that reason, someone enlighten me as to why in the comments. Anyways, after selling the compass and getting back on the ship, he does absolutely nothing for the plot other than serve as a nuisance or as a joke character. He was really useless this time around because you could basically pick any character to do everything he does and nothing would really change. I don't really understand why the movie didn't just focus more on Henry Turner and Carina Smyth, and instead chose to have them constantly tied up while these pirates like Gibbs who we've seen from the beginning take the spotlight...but don't really do anything with said spotlight at all. Henry and Carina are constantly tied up and don't seem to do much during middle sections of the movie in favor of watching the bland and generic Pirates in Jack's crew fight in battle. Let me ask YOU, the READERS, a question. Would you rather focus on the two characters they're introducing in this film, or would you rather focus on the pirates, most of whom have no names or relevance whatsoever. Yeah...the former sounds far more interesting, right?


The humor in this movie severely flops for the simple fact that it just tries WAY too hard. As I said earlier, this movie just makes Jack Sparrow a humor tool instead of an actual character and he's painfully unfunny. All he does is hog the spotlight from characters that should be focused on and get drunk. There was also this running gag where people keep calling Carina a witch and that was as overused as the joke where everyone in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 called Rocket Raccoon any animal that wasn't a raccoon. Running gags are funny, but you should use them only 3-4 times throughout the movie's duration so that way people won't get annoyed at your lack of creativity. All other jokes in this movie were very forgettable, and that makes sense since I can't even remember any other jokes from the movie.


I always have high expections for Disney scenery and this movie didn't actually fail to disappoint. The water is the best thing to look at. It's beautiful on the eyes because it's realistic, but it also has this refined and fantastical look to it that Disney always nails. Even listening to the waves splash is relaxing and tense, depending on the scenario the screen offers. This isn't as beautiful as Beauty and the Beast (2017) and The Jungle Book (2016) looked, but it is still beautiful to look at. I will definitely give this movie credit for having great action scenes as well. They are very entertaining and fun to watch. Who doesn't get SOME enjoyment out of watching cannons fire, swords cut others, and guns take others down with a bullet? Those were the most enjoyable scenes of this movie! The scene with Jack Sparrow jumping across the cannons between each pirate ship was clever, entertaining, and well-shot. The character designs were also neat, especially the design of Salazar. I loved how tiny pieces of his skin/flesh would break off of him and float away in the air. It could be a little distracting at times, but it was hard to hate for the most part.


Yet another mediocre installment from this tired old series, "Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" takes the same exact formula as the last four movies and charges you extra money. It takes no risks, it feels forced throughout all of it, and this plot was absolutely ridiculous and convoluted. Fellow critics gave this a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes, and 71% of audiences enjoyed the movie. Honestly, my rating would hit something in between those two. It's one of those "Who Cares?" movies that'll likely gross out a lot in the box office because it's part of a popular Disney Franchise. I wasn't impressed by this installment at all because very little was happening this time around. Okay, so they are talking about finding the Trident, but nobody is really getting THAT much depth or development. As for parents that want to bring their young children, I'd think about that because Salazar might scare them and there is a load a violence as well as drinking. As a movie in general, I was not impressed and General movie-goers probably won't care for it at all. There's a difference between watching an action movie that tries to bring something interesting, and watching 5% of something interesting and 95% of Jack Sparrow running around, acting like a drunk toddler.

5 -- Mediocre (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is an exercise in apathy. It's not exactly bad, but it's not very good either. It is simply a "who cares" film.)

🍅Rotten Tomatoes Score: 30% (4.7/10), 71% of Audiences Liked It (3.8/5)🍅

💁🏻‍♂️How I review movies/games: https://www.thetoptens.com/best-movies/48379.asp

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Is is not the worse, but yeah end it Disney. - visitor

Cash cow goes moo. But seriously, if there's a sixth movie, Disney gets a facepalm. - Elric-san

Well...they're currently milking the crap out of these pathetic live-action remakes, Star Wars, and now Pirates of the Caribbean. Not only have they already gotten plenty facepalms from audiences, toptenners such as yourself, and critics such as myself, but these money hungry movie makers should be arrested for animal abuse. - DCfnaf

And trying to buy a Mexican holiday. - Elric-san

Star wars ain't a bad franchise. Descandents will be - visitor

Actually yes, Star Wars is bad. If it's a Disney franchise nowadays or Disney in general, it's automatically bad. Sorry. Star Wars was only good for the first 3 movies - visitor

Yeah but you're not watching the incredibles 2 - visitor

Don't really care since Disney/Pixar sequels really screw the hell out of themselves. Dreamworks only good movies weren't even movies kid-oriented such as Saving Private Ryan and A Beautiful Mind. - visitor

Kung fu panda 2 was good - visitor

Prince of egypt? antz? - visitor

It is pretty mediocre. The franchise has been dead for quite awhile now - visitor

Since the first movie lol - visitor

The first two were alright but At World's End killed it... fell asleep in the last 30 minutes and I didn't give a crap at all when watching On Stranger Tides and this movie just completely nuked it - visitor

I liked the first two, couldn't watch the 3rd and 4th all the way through - Skullkid755

Yeah, it's hard to finish 3rd and 4th - visitor

To be honest, Disney has milked all their franchises. Not going to watch another film in a film series from them. - visitor

So you're not watching wreck it ralph 2 - visitor

Nope - visitor

It has a chance of being great even if they make The Incredibles 2 you wont see it - visitor

For one thing, you can't confirm that. Secondly, they actually have been only looking for money as nobody cares about the franchises anymore and they are still going on it. - visitor

That's the 100000000000000000000000000th time you've said rustled in a week Gamermike. Still haven't broken your record. - Skullkid755

People wanted incredibles 2 - visitor

Too true. - AlphaQ

I don't really care about this movie. It was most likely only made for profit and the older ones were better. - visitor

My life as a courgette is the best animated movie of 2017. I just saw it today. - visitor

There is only one more movie after this one. - Trollsfan536

YAY🤑🐮💰! - DCfnaf

Good. Either way, it'll suck - visitor

Party time - visitor

U seen My Life as a Courgette yet - visitor

My dad loves these Pirates of the Caribbean movies.. - TwilightKitsune

Will u review My Life as A Courgette as it is amazing. - visitor

I facepalmed when they announced the 4th film. Facepalmed even harded when I heard about this one a few weeks ago. Meh mediocre is right. - visitor

I watched this in the movie theaters, it was enjoyable, but too predictable and not enough twists. Plus Jack Sparrow acted like a jerk and barely contributed to the plot. - visitor

I enjoyed the film - it was fun and exciting but like the previous two films it is nothing in comparison to the first two. It is definitely watchable though. Agree with the review - visitor

Disney sucks. They ruin a lot of movies. - AlphaQ

Correction: MODERN Disney sucks. - DCfnaf

@DCfanf I must respectfully disagree. Milo Murphys Law and the Ducktales reboot are good. Rouge One, while overrated, was soild. And the new Thor movie looks really good. - TheReviewer20

@TheReviewer20 Rogue One was solid, but seriously flawed. And I'll give you credit for Thor, which looks promising. - DCfnaf

@TheReviewer20 Thir looks good but I don't think it's Disney.
@DCfnaf modern Disney is worse than old-Disney so you've got a good point. - AlphaQ

I love every Pirates of the Caribbean Movie except On Stranger Tides. That was the one mediocre one in my opinion. - 2storm