Requested Challenge: Ranking Billboard's Decade-End Hot 100 For The 2000s

WonkeyDude98
Hello everybody, and it's finally here. Shoutout to LLJ207 for the idea. After months of effort and planning, and listening to countless songs, I'm finally ready. The 2000s was an interesting decade for better or worse. It was generally a good year for everything not at the #1 spot. But in 2009, Billboard took the 100 biggest hits of the decade and ranked them, and to be frank what did make it and what didn't was surprising. Without further ado, let's get started.

SH** TIER (0 or lower):
#100. My Humps: It's a real shame that I have to crown a Black Eyed Peas song as the worst hit song of an entire decade. I mean, they are horrible, but it feels terrible to label a group the owner of a worst song of an entire prior decade.
#99. BoomBoomPow: To add insult to injury, the Black Eyed Peas take BOTH pf the bottom spots! Now how about it!
#98. Crank That: Well this shouldn't surprise anyone, except that it's so high.
#97. Single Ladies: When Beyoncé isn't shouting "ALL THE SINGLE LADIES" until your ears bleed, the beat just goes on this off-putting spiral that sounds like a horror movie.
#96. I Kissed A Girl: Despite me being a Katy Perry fan, it should be no surprise seeing this in the bottom 5.
#95. Lollipop: How ironic that a song called Lollipop totally sucks.
#94. Photograph: I hate to be that guy, but seriously, this song makes me cringe whenever I listen to it. Nickelback as a whole is adult alternative wearing a craft-store mask.
#93. Kiss Kiss: I'll give it this: it's significantly better than pretty much all of the vile garbage he's making now. But still. The synths sound like cheap horror soundtrack filler, Chris Brown's autotune is disgusting, the intro is tedious, the hook is insufferable, and the bridge has call-and-response, references McDonalds, and has T-Pain shouting "OHHHWEEEEE".
#92. Girlfriend: Whiny teenage pseudo-punk drama. Avril, you're so much better than this.
#91. Hollaback Girl: Funny how this is in the bottom 10, while Spark the Fire (which is much, much, much worse than this btw) is my 10th worst song of 2014. Goes to show how much worse the bad music got.
#90. Run It!: Sometimes I wonder if I can really justify putting this so low. Then I listen to that shrill chorus and the horrible rap verses again, and I say, "yes, yes I can".
#89. Irreplaceable: If Beyoncé herself wrote this, it would have probably been decent, if nothing better. But since Ne-Yo added finesse the song shouldn't have had, it ends up feeling really tired and weak.
#88. Right Round: Again, I enjoy this much more than I like or respect it. In which case I absolutely despise it.
#87. Candy Shop: This song makes no sense.
#86. Promiscuous: Doesn't this kind of explain itself?

BAD TIER (half-star to 1):
#85. It Wasn't Me: Shaggy tries to justify cheating on this song. He goes in detail with his story, and maybe WAAYYY too much. He tries to frame it like he's lying, but he just gives himself away within seconds.
#84. Buy U A Drank: T-Pain has personality, but that's only because of his autotune. And yet I never even see it.
#83. Check On It: This beat is just...incorrect.
#82. SexyBack: Can we stop pretending this jackhammer of a song is good?
#81. Independent Women Part I: I kind of really hate Destiny's Child.
#80. Hot In Herre: Nelly...what a king of disappointments you are...
#79. I'm Real: Listen to this....
#78. Always On Time: ...this....
#77. Ain't It Funny: ...and this back-to-back and tell me the difference.
#76. In Da Club: I don't know why we pretend 50 Cent's popular stuff is so awesome.
#75. With Arms Wide Open: Creed makes Nickelback look like Shinedown.
#74. Drop It Like It's Hot: *snore*
#73. Let Me Love You: Not as terrible as Break Up, but that didn't make it on here.
#72. Right Thurr: How did this make the decade-end? This could have made the decent tier, but ultimately it was about 10 bpm too slow.
#71. Hey There Delilah: Sweet, but ultimately really dry and hollow, which is fitting considering the band who made it are called Plain White T's.

MEH TIER (2):
#70. Ignition: Talking about post-assault R. Kelly makes my skin crawl.
#69. Smack That: I get this song isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but like I said about Shake That, this isn't good use of your Eminem!
#68. Kryptonite: The most cliché song I can think of.
#67. You're Beautiful: Well there's this.
#66. Love in This Club: Of all of Usher's songs on the hot 100, this is easily the weakest.
#65. Goodies: Do I even need to explain a song called Goodies?
#64. How You Remind Me: NickelBack is a prime representation of how almost all post-grunge is a fail. This is sludgy, plodding, and colorless.
#63. Here Without You: Similar in style to How You Remind Me, but at least it knows it lacks energy.
#62. Lean Back: eh.
#61. 1 2 Step!: It's easily my least favorite Missy Elliott song, but it's alright I guess.

DECENT TIER (3):
#60. Whatever You Like: It's tolerable, I can say that, and definitely great by T.I. standards.
#59. Live Your Life: Oh hi again T.I..
#58. Hanging By A Moment: Yeah tolerable, but that's where it ends mostly.
#57. Breathe: Again, tolerable.
#56. Bubbly: A good version of Trumpets before Trumpets was a thing. Still, the writing is still pretty messy at points.
#55. Maria Maria: The only way I can tell why this song is so low is by comparing it to the next song.
#54. Smooth: What makes this better than Maria Maria is, while not as sentimental lyrically, is much stronger in every other regard.
#53. Bad Day: Meh.
#52. Lean Back: Meh.
#51. Dilemma: Meh.
#50. Family Affair: Meh.
#49. Try Again: Meh.
#48. Foolish: Meh.
#47. Baby Boy: Beyoncé's harmonizations are perfect, and Sean Paul gives some pretty passable material here. But that brooding, creaky beat ruined everything.

GOOD TIER (4) (wow almost half the list):
#46. Low: Yes, another Flo Rida song in the good tier, not just I Cry. His big breakthrough, it's a fun jam session and is very aware of that.
#45. Yeah!: As is this.
#44. Get Low: And this.
#43. I Knew I Loved You: SEE NATASHA BEDINGFIELD? THIS is how you get this kind of song right.
#42. Everything You Want: I like the sentiment and also the production behind it, but I can't explain it.
#41. Let Me Blow Ya Mind: Gwen Stefani but actually good.
#40. The Way I Are: Ignoring the title, this is great.
#39. I Wanna Know: I have no idea why I like this
#38. Temperature: I like Sean Paul. He has this weird charm to him that makes him nearly instantly likable.
#37. Get Busy: It's pretty hard to believe Sean Paul's been around for over a decade.
#36. Stand Up: Truth be told I think by himself Ludacris can be pretty good.
#35. All For You: Very, very sweet. Maybe too much.
#34. Love Song: As far as standard love songs go, this is pretty sweet.
#33. Bleeding Love: Very endearing. A little too endearing actually.
#32. Unwell: Gritty, rough, and emotional.
#31. Bent: Matchbox may not be great by rock standards, but they sure are great.
#30. Complicated: I knew Avril had some potential!
#29. Since U Been Gone: Remember when Kelly Clarkson was interesting?
#28. Disturbia: Rihanna used to be really good, what happened in the 2000s?
#27. Poker Face: Direct ripoff of the much better Just Dance, but still good.
#26. Work It: The best Missy Elliot song ever. Maybe....
#25. U Remind Me: By Usher standards, this is only mid tier.
#24. HEY YA!: OutKast.
#23. The Way You Move: OutKast.

GREAT TIER (5 or higher):
#22. So What?: This song is great and I will hear no word from anyone who disagrees,
#21. Hot N Cold: Let this being this low speak for the greatness of this list.
#20. Just Dance: Not Gaga's best song, but still extremely solid.
#19. Crazy In Love: Easily my favorite Beyoncé and Jay-Z song.
#18. Burn: Usher can make some really soft material when he wants. Like now.
#17. I'm Yours: Again, I have no taste.
#16. Forever: Never did I think a Chris Brown song would be this high.
#15. Love Song: Remember when Taylor Swift did country?
#14. U Got It Bad: For a song of this title, it's pretty endearing.
#13. If I Ain't Got You: Alicia Keys.
#12. Fallin': Alicia Keys.
#11. I Gotta Feeling: This has got to be the funnest party song of all time.
#10. Umbrella: I miss when Rihanna and Jay-Z were good. This was great.
#9. My Boo: Usher and Alicia Keys is a match made in heaven.
#8. Apologize: Like I said, OneRepublic's songs are not their problem. It's their songs relative to all their rest.
#7. Big Girls Don't Cry: To be frank, I don't know which I like better. This, or SIA's Big Girls Cry.
#6. How To Save A Life: The Fray make music that is soft and comfortable, yet very interesting at the same time.
#5. Stronger: Kanye West.
#4. We Belong Together: There's a reason this was #1. This is endearing and heartfelt.
#3. Gold Digger: KANYE WEEEEEEST....
#2. Viva La Vida: As someone who's never hated Coldplay, but hasn't really got into them, this is perfection. Orchestraic, bombastic yet controlled, and captivating in every sense of the word.
#1. Lose Yourself: I find it really funny: not only does Eminem get the owner of my least favorite overall song of a decade, he also gets crowned the winner of my favorite song of the decade, hit or not. And he deserves it. Congratulations, Em.

This decade has my largest amount of good-great songs of anything I've done so far, the largest GREAT TIER, as well as the highest score. It was....283. This is WonkeyDude98, signing out of what was a great decade.

Comments

Jesus.

I am amazed at how much work you put into this. Amazing post, even more amazing review of the previous decade's music. - SwagFlicks

Thank you! Also, the Lollipop joke was indeed priceless. - WonkeyDude98

Wow, for once I barely disagree
i only have like 5 or 6 changes to make mine agree with yours - ProPanda

What were they? - WonkeyDude98

Move bad day, right round, hey there delilah, and bubbly to great
and low and gold digger to sh**
rearrange the rankings a bit and we agree - ProPanda

Oh god I had terrible, terrible taste. Well, I actually still stand by 4/6 of these. - ProPanda

This is an amazing post. Congratulations - Martinglez

Thank you so much. - WonkeyDude98

How much time does it take you to do this!? - Elina

About a month. - WonkeyDude98

Nice one dude, thanks for the shoutout, I'm currently working on mine. - LJJ207

I'd love to see it! - WonkeyDude98

I knew lose yourself would be number 1 - bobbythebrony

Eminem > life - WonkeyDude98

lol - ProPanda

How are Irreplaceable & Promiscuous worse than SexyBack & With Arms Wide Open?!?! - djpenquin999

Irreplaceable would have been great without the element of class that Ne-Yo had, which killed whatever power the song would definitely have had. But with it still being a Beyoncé song, it has a lot of drive to it. With the two elements clashing, it becomes really weak.

I'd like you to justify a song called Promiscuous.

SexyBack...I honestly don't know why it was higher than those two. With Arms Wide Open may be horrible but it's probably Creed's best song. - WonkeyDude98

Thank god you snapped out of that. Irreplaceable is pretty bad though. - ProPanda

AKON? Ne-Yo? Have you included any R&B songs? - visitor

Akon had Smack That, and Ne-Yo wrote Irreplaceable. Both of which were horrible (though Smack That is probably Akon's best song). Beyoncé, Mariah Carey, Usher, and Sean Paul dominated the list.

So yeah, R&B everywhere. - WonkeyDude98

Beyoncé is overrated as kriff. - RiverClanRocks

Her new album LEMONADE was actually really great. I'd give it a VERY strong 8/10. What's keeping it from maybe a 10? That one song...you know that one song... - WonkeyDude98

Can I request you 2010-2015 ranking? - kontrahinsunu

There is one? - WonkeyDude98

Thanks to DJPENGUIN, I have snapped out of my bias.

*Move Promiscuous to #48 and in the DECENT TIER. It's not great, or even that good, but it's passable and makes sense.
*Move Irreplaceable to the #83 on the BAD TIER.
*Move With Arms Wide Open and SexyBack respectively to the other two's former places.
*Move Right Round to #86, and thus the highest on the SH** TIER. - WonkeyDude98

I love Viva La Vida thank you so much - 2storm

I feel like people don't give it enough credit. - WonkeyDude98

You took The Double agents Teir thing. - visitor

Huh no joke, it's what I've been doing since I started these rankings. And to be fair, I used my rating system I use for the tiers before TDA started. AND EVEN THEN, he used a 5-point scale (0-4), unlike the 6-point scale we both use now (0-5). - WonkeyDude98

Sorry for getting harsh, I don't know why I did that. - WonkeyDude98

Rearrangements after watching TheDoubleAgent's latest video, because WHAT WAS I THINKING

*Move Smooth to #10 in the GREAT TIER.
*Move Disturbia to #7 on the GREAT TIER.
*Move HEEYYY YA (alright alright alright alright alright) to #3 on the GREAT TIER. - WonkeyDude98

Combined with the previous changes, the score would end up as...289. - WonkeyDude98

That video. Greatest twist of all time. - Puga

My first reaction: *sees Smooth as #10* Okay, Ethan, why does that say #1?
*sees Ridin' as #1* Okay, it's a good song, but like...#1?!
*Ethan reveals his actual #1 is Smooth* YOU SNEAKY LITTLE-- - WonkeyDude98

Why is Bad Day meh ffs - Puga

Because I decided not to listen to every song before doing this, which is why Promiscuous was in the SH** TIER. Move Bad Day to the GREAT TIER. - WonkeyDude98

Bad Day is very corny & uninteresting. - djpenquin999

Die. Jk - WonkeyDude98

Do the all time greatest songs list... - ProPanda

But I only have 6 songs from that list I don't like. No one wants to see that. - WonkeyDude98

Jk, I'll think about it. - WonkeyDude98

My favorite song of last decade is She Will Be Loved - ProPanda

Wait I forgot that lol - WonkeyDude98

I actually used to like I Kissed a Girl for its catchy hook and because I used to think that the song was a stance against homophobia. After looking at the lyrics again, especially the second verse, I was dead wrong. Oh, and the cherry chapstick lyric didn't age too well. - NiktheWiz

Do the Decade-End Chart for the 1990s. - NiktheWiz

Hey There Delilah is a bop man - ProPanda

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