Reviewing With Ultron123: Transformers The Last Knight

So recently I went to the theater and watched this horrible movie everyone hated so much. I managed to have spare time to go to Uptown, get a ticket and watch this movie. Was it good?
HA! Oh you are so funny.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'll calm down. But if you are want to watch it. Do not. It was horrendous. Worse than ROTF and DOTM. And that is saying something. Now let's talk about why it's so bad.

Plot And Story:
The basic story is about…I can't even remember. Why? Because the entire plot was rushed. I have to give the writers credit for having A TWO AND HALF HOURS WORTH OF TRASH FEEL RUSHED. Everything passes by a second and we can't understand anything. We don't know why Megatron has a new body. We don't know why Drift and Hound have different colors. We don't know why Barricade is back. We don't know why and where Megatron got new Decepticons that are somehow important for Megatron to know by name. They don't even try to explain anything at all. At one point, there's a fight scene then we see a desert. I gave up trying to understand what's even going on. Now of course, I was joking when I didn't know the plot. This is what I thought I heard. Optimus is gone and the humans waged war against the Autobots. Then a group of vigilantes (Cade Yeager and more) try to save the world, by finding out that the Transformers had been on Earth for a long time. Wow, so original. Like, pffff, we saw this in AOE. TLK executed this poorly and AOE made it decent. Kill me now. I mean, there are a billion other plot points you could choose one of those. Be original. COME ON!!
Score: 1/10

Okay, if I had to name one positive thing, it's that the designs are amazing. They look as clean and well made as ever. Optimus looks so well made. I can't go on and on since everyone Transformers CGI movie is like this. But just look at Quintesson.
Score: 8/10

Now I have to admit. The characters weren't that bad. They actually have more speaking lines than I have electronic devices in my house. Drift, Crosshairs, and Hound were back and as good as they were in AOE, but they don't really do anything. Diet Wall-E was terrible but bearable. Wheelie was here and I doubt anyone actually liked that. There were also others in the past that appeared like Topspin, Starscream (wait, if he died then why is he here?) and the Dinobots, although they were only here for a few seconds. The humans, however, were terrible. Cade was okay, but Isabella was as annoying as everyone says. Every other human is just brainless and stupid. Plus, Sam Witwicky and Tessa gets mentioned. Both are annoying as hell and I don't need them to be referred. (Except Tessa was mentioned in a heartwarming sequence before the movie made an explosion.) The Decepticons were even worse. Megatron (with every other Decepticon) did not need to be here. The Decepticons are useless (*cough* Onslaught *cough*) and they are so terribly named. (Nitro Zeus. That name made me lose all faith in humanity)
Score: 3/10

D-do I have to? Ugh, alright. Luckily, since this movie is rushed, there aren't that much jokes. However, when there are, most are sex references. Because sex references are funny, (Note: there are definitely not) aren't they, Bay? AREN'T THEY BAY?! The humor felt forced (yes I am one to talk. Shut up) and most jokes are unfunny and include some guy screaming on the top of his lungs, and it was actually embarrassing to watch. However, there are scenes of humor that were pretty heartwarming, like the Autobots playing in the scrapyard. But that's about it. I don't even know anything that was remotely funny. (Yes, I'm judging people. Kill me)

I don't even know why you would want to see it. It was legitimately garbage. I don't want you to suffer so I recommend that you do not watch this movie. If you are a Bay fan, (Bay fans. Ha. That's funny) you could watch it, but if you aren't (which I'm not) do not, I'm warning you, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! You will lose all sake on humanity.

Score: 2- Horrendous (this movie did not need to exist. Bay, you are a failure and you should go to Taco Bell or McDonald's to work)


100% agree. - visitor

Every Transformers movie ever -

Decepticons: We wuNnA dEsTRoY ti WurLD!

Autobots: We muST save ti wurLD! And evEN ThOuGh we cAn dEFaEt tHeM, we WASte 3 hoUrs DuiN nutHhing untIL thE DecEPtIcONS dEciDe 2 atTack! Oh yeah and we have this annoying human companion with us as well, and there's a bit if history stuff and top secret government info in there too - TwilightKitsune

Except Transformers Prime Predacons Rising. And the original movie. They were amazing. The ones by Bay are stupid. The ones not by Bay were awesome. - visitor

I didn't even know there was a non Bay Transformers movie. When was it made? - TwilightKitsune

The original movie was made in the late 90s and Predacons Rising is made in 202, I think - visitor

Edit: Transformers The Movie is made in 1986 and Predacons Rising is made in 2013 - visitor

You know, this is exactly why I chose to boycott it. I'm probably gonna see it online and vomit. All of these movies are the same movie and I can't believe they are still being made. Not to mention, they threw Nickelodeon stars in there because money needs to happen (Isabela Moner from 100 Things and Splitting Adam was in the cast). Clearly just for money and your insight and opinionated writing on the film proves my accusation on Bay's garbage franchise of films even further. Thank you for making this. I'm making an educated guess that this will be Number 1 on your Worst 2017 Movies remix (if you end up making one, that is). - DCfnaf

Don't judge me, but I don't his movies, mainly cause Transformers was my childhood. - visitor

It was mine too. Except I watched G1 and Prime. - visitor

To think that the 1980s one killed optimus prime, and a bumblebee prequel is coming and about time on earth.. of course no dark past so it is guaranteed to be bad. - visitor