A Sarcastic Overview of How to be a Metalhead

IronSabbathPriest Step 1: Appearance
Get a Justin Bieber type haircut, and wear hippy clothes. Like go full on. Hawaiian shirts, shades, bracelets, the lot.

Step 2: Finding new bands
Whatever you do, NEVER KEEP EXPLORING FOR NEW MUSIC, AND ONLY LISTEN TO METAL. THE ONLY BANDS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ARE FALLING IN REVERSE, SLEEPING WITH SIRENS, BLACK VEIL BRIDES, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, ATILLA, ASKING ALEXANDRIA, AND BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR. CAUSE THEY'RE TOTALLY METAL.

Step 3: Never run out of cutlery
A key part of metal music is the song lyrics. They're everything. Humankind is nothing. Yes, it hurts, But... hmm. Hang on a minute...

Step 4: Have two sides
Night time is your time. When it gets dark, it's time to turn out the lights and listen to some good ol' fashioned BMTH. Hehe, get it? But when it's day time, party! Take inspiration from bands such as Poison and Motley Crue. Did you know Nikki Sixx once banged Bruce Dickinson's wife? Well, one day, you could bang your dad's wife!

Step 5: New Releases
React to new albums released every month, and say they're either good or bad. Don't say why, you don't have to. Example: if a new Cannibal Corpse album is released...

RAAARRRR!!!!!!!!! CANNIBAL CORPSE!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! GARBAGE CRAP BAND!!!!!!!!! RAAAAARRRRR!

And that folks, is how you be a metalhead.

Comments

Would I be praised if I stated that Justin Bieber and Gerard Way had a slight physical resemblance? - PositronWildhawk (9/13/2015)

Noo! - ProPanda (2/6/2017)

Yes you would, you'd only get a sandwich tossed at you if it happens. Harmless, right? - AlphaQ (5/19/2019)

I FOUND MA VICE!
I FOUND MA VICE!
IT LIVES INA BOT AL AND WANTZ ME 2 DYE! - visitor (9/13/2015)

Don't forget the blood now... - NuMetalManiak (9/13/2015)

We all have blood, matey. - PositronWildhawk (9/15/2015)

This was short, but it was one of my favorites. Well done. - visitor (9/23/2015)

Well done, IronSabbathPreist. Now my dad can be a total metal head! 1! 1! - kaitlynrad11 (9/27/2015)

Thanks, I had to laugh :"D.

I remember I actually once wore
a black hawaiian shirt just for fun.

I have to say,they would look cool
if they had instead of flower- maybe
heart motives. THIS would them make
more "trve". - CannibalCorpse (2/23/2016)

Thanks to this guide I became a trve kvlt black metaller! My favorite black metal bands are BVB and Atilla! I'm so kvlt! I listen to trve black metal unlike Mayhem and Burzum! I'm so kvlt naow! - SirSkeletorThe3rd (3/24/2016)

Isn't your dad's wife your mom? Eew. - visitor (12/19/2016)

I am not a metalhead then - visitor (2/5/2017)

Sarcasm. - SwagFlicks (2/6/2017)

Barring Step 1 and 5, this is me - ProPanda (2/6/2017)

Lol - visitor (2/7/2017)