Most Bizarre Things to Do When You Think You're About to Be Attacked
Jump to conclusions much? You catch a man looking at you. He must be up to no good. What are you gonna do?The Top Ten
1 Whip a cucumber from your clutch bag and wave it around screaming "I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THIS, YOU KNOW!"
Now this would be something worth seeing. A cucumber from a CLUTCH BAG?! It makes you wonder what it was doing in there in the first place. . .
2 Scream blue murder at the unsuspecting and stunned elderly gentleman who has just sat next to you
That old man's teeth would fall out of his head.
3 Rip your blouse open to save the innocent male passer-by from doing it first
4 Run into the nearest shop, steal the first thing you can lay your hands on and threaten the poor man with a packet of Love Hearts
5 Tell anyone who's listening that the dirty old man behind you is clocking your rear end and you won't stand for it!
6 Grab the man, and scream at him that you are making a citizen's arrest and not to struggle
7 As a man innocently opens his coat, scream at his southern regions and have up before the small claims court in double-quick time
Yes. . .This might be a little premature methinks.
8 Scream "RAPE!" when a Tube passenger accidentally brushes against you, causing mass panic and the train to come to a grinding halt
Never mind the innocent chap; this would just be worth seeing for a laugh!
It might happen, or you might look stupid.
9 Attack him first
Can you imagine, running up behind him, screaming like a woman possessed and burying your nails into the rolls of his neck-fat! Priceless!
Laugh out loud! That man would wonder what hit him - literally.
10 Shoot the first man who smiles at you - you don't trust a smiling man, especially on a day ending in a 'Y'
No jumping to conclusions then.
The Contenders
11 Start dancing
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