WonkeyDude98's Formal Rage: Charlie Puth

WonkeyDude98
Just some quick things before we get started, I would like to express my gratitude about the acclaim my Ugly Four post has gotten. It's truly something I take pride in and for you all to enjoy it even more than I is fantastic. On another note, I have a To Pimp A Butterfly review coming soon. Let's begin.

I remember calling Jidenna my worst artist of 2015. Now, he may have created one of the most deplorable songs of all of last year (who is incompetent enough to take Fancy [one of the most hated songs of all time], suck everything good out of it, and fix nothing?), but he was a one-hit wonder who stuck around for about five seconds. The artist in question is even worse.

Charlie Puth, before he became a singer, was a YouTuber. Now, that isn't my business, and it's really irrelevant. What's relevant is that he's one of the WORST SINGERS I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE. To be fair, I really liked See You Again despite the overplay, especially the version with only Charlie Puth (it's more intimate and real than Wiz Khalifa's verses, not to diss the guy). Other than that....WHAT GOOD IS HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

This guy is definitely the worst singer currently working, unless you count Jason DeRĂ¼lo (who at the very least made one incredible song) or Chris Brown (if he's still relevant get out of my house). I'm not going to use this post just to whine about how bad he is, I'm going to get down to business. So....where to begin? Well, his voice is terrible, so let's start there. His voice isn't inherently bad, but his perfection just scraps all personality from his voice that isn't painfully smug (One Call Away) or deathly cringeworthy (Marvin Gaye).

His producers are untalented at best. Marvin Gaye was trying to be soulful and catchy and failed at both (soul and hip-hop don't mix, halfwits). One Call Away was so similar to See You Again it's not even funny. Did We Don't Talk Anymore even have a beat? I CAN'T TELL. Nothing But Trouble would have been almost listenable if not for the whiny vocal sample coming up every other measure.

Also, all of these are singles off his abysmal debut album Nine Track Mind, an album with twelve tracks. So either he's incredibly uneducated or he doesn't consider three of the songs to be music, just a horrible collection of noise. Probably Marvin Gaye, OCA, and WDTA.
His lyrics don't help anything. He's an egregious songwriter who has no credibility or personality that isn't what is mentioned above. Marvin Gaye sounds like he's never even heard of "getting it on". It's really cringeworthy, and to use my musical terms, "white" (examples: "karma sutra show and tell" "let's Marvin Gaye and get it on" "you've got that healing that I want" "I'm screaming mercy mercy please"). One Call Away is like a more plodding, less vibe-full version of Uptown Funk ("Superman got nothing on me"). We Don't Talk Anymore? Take "Somebody That I Used To Know" or "I Know What You Did Last Summer" (these names are still painful to have to write), take out the story and the beat, then subtract any creativity, soul, or personality.

Yeaaah so Charlie Puth is abysmal. I don't really know where to end. He's such a nothing of an artist it's hard to talk about him. I give him a 0/5, don't check him out. Unless SremmLife 2 is inevitably worse, Nine Track Mind is the worst album I've heard this year thus far. This is WonkeyDude98, signing out.

Up Next: Work

Comments

Marvin Gaye would sue him and Meghan Trainor if he was alive. He didn't deserve that horrible song - Martinglez

Who was Marvin Gaye anyways?... Just curious. - RiverClanRocks

HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ONE OF THE BEST SOUL SINGERS OF ALL TIME!? - WonkeyDude98

Know the song Ain't No Mountain High Enough? - Martinglez

I LOVE THAT SONG! - RiverClanRocks

Well the guy who sings that with Tammi Terell is Marvin Gaye, he has many other great songs too - Martinglez

I've heard some of his songs in Recess Peanut Butter Cups commercials lol - visitor

@Cookie

Look at me now, as Chris Brown would say. gg no re - Puga

And I had just forgotten about that song. YOU B*STARD. - WonkeyDude98

A man who legit thinks MattyB is good has 50 High Quality Posts, because admin gets hard-ons over music reviews. Die @ TheTopTens - Puga

I never said MattyB was good, just overhated. That comment in its entirety was completely unnecessary. Also, Pos likes Sexy and I Know It, and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has given him anything. Legit. - WonkeyDude98

3/5 is not Overhated, that's above average. Anything above average is good. - Puga

3/5 is equivalent to 6/10, which means there is better, but the artist/song in question is decent. I never said he was fantastic, also remember that Pos like Sexy and I Know It. Furthermore, nice adding All of them to that Worst WonkeyDude98 Reviews list. Finally, was that last sentence telling me to die really necessary. - WonkeyDude98

WonkeyDude, overhated means 5/10. - visitor

Overhated in and of itself means that it is over-hated.

Keep in mind Puga once said "we all have opinions". - WonkeyDude98

You're missing the point of my comment entirely. Firstly I didn't tell you to die, I told the website to die. Secondly, the MattyB comment was moreso a joke (although still something I dislike), the main story is that I find your blogs awful. Thirdly, 3/5 is 6/10 indeed, but why bring that up? What difference does it make? You could've wrote 15/25, 24/40, 60/100, doesn't make a single difference. If you're gonna rate your mainstream artists outta five, do so, don't bring up irrelevant "out of tens". - Puga

And you missed the point of mine. If this was a joke, you are playing it pretty straight, given that you added All of them to my worst reviews list. A bigger question is: why are you doing this? - WonkeyDude98

I do this because I do not like your posts, in fact I hate them, and I do not believe you deserve to have 50 High Quality Posts. - Puga

Puga, a better question would be why do you hate people who are inclined with making music posts? It's not like Admin doesn't HQ approve posts that aren't related to music. Give me examples of posts that had the HQ potential and weren't approve as one. - visitor

Okay, here's the big question: WHAT do you find awful about them? That I have knowledge about a popular topic of the site? - WonkeyDude98

I'll respond to you later Jared, gonna get to Wonkey first.

1. You only go for mainstream artists, instead of more obscure targets. Someone said to me if you were an archer, you'd hit the same target every time. There's nothing bad with reviewing mainstream artists, I just want to see something I've never heard of in reviews so I can get interested, not the same Nicki Minaj or Taylor Swift nonsense.
2. Some of your posts are innacurate. In your review of "The Hills" you went through the whole post as if The Weeknd was being sympathetic with the song: the song is about an affair. Why would he be sympathising with a cheater?
3. You talk about older songs too much. Nothing wrong with reviewing songs from the nineties or naughtiest every once in a while or looking back at a year every once in a while, but reviewing a song from about 2013 every second review is quite grating. You just feel late.
4. You dislike me because I called a post of yours outdated. This has nothing to do with your posts, but it's still ridiculous. Would you hate me if I burnt your toast?

Done. - Puga

1. I find higher quality posts on analyzing bad songs than good, since I generally have more to say about bad songs. I don't always review mainstream artists, or at the very least mainstream songs. When's the last time you heard Beat It, Mickey, or I Might Go Lesbian?
2. Um...no. I'll admit I gave Abel too much flak for just treating the woman like sh**. Now I notice that despite being pretty aggravating lyrically ("I just f***ed two b***he's fore I saw you" "All these motherf***ers want a real love"), the main deficiencies are musically. You are partially justified here.
3. This contradicts #1. A lot of '15/'16 songs thus far aren't very much to post about beyond my Ugly Four post and my The Hills post. Mainly it's just that they sound like a**. Songs from other years are much more interesting in their terribleness/greatness.
4....see, the thing is SD is still here. The post was made in January about a list with "2015" in the title. Also, I would hate you if you burned my toast. You are kinda justified here. - WonkeyDude98

1. Beat it and I Might go Lesbian are in no way obscure. Michael fans listen to Beat It all the time, and I Might Go Lesbian has been popular ever since Buckley reviewed it. Never heard of Mickey, so points for that, I guess.
2. It doesn't matter if the main purpose of the review is to review the music, the fact you misunderstood the lyrics so much is unprofessional and seems lazy.
3. You have said 2015 was a terrible year time and time again. You have said that at this point of the year last year, you had a "top ten worst" list of songs. Yet you only mention five songs in your comment.
4. You'd hate someone if they burnt your toast, even if the toast was gone off/terrible? Picky.

Done. - Puga

1. Not Michael Jackson's Beat It, Sean Kingston's Beat It. Before Buckley, no one had heard of IMGL.
2. That was my first review, you have to factor that in.
3. Yes, there were bad, but not INTERESTING bad where they need a review. Me trying to review Fight Songs is like someone trying to analyze white bread (sorry I had to).
4. I like toast. - WonkeyDude98

Does anyone here have the popcorn? - Swellow

Probably not the time, Swellow... - WonkeyDude98

Puga, you do realize that he deserved 50 HQ posts which met the standards of Admin in how to write such a post. It didn't say you have to write about music. Anyway, best birthday fight ever haha. - visitor

Making three posts about three not-so-well-known artists among the hundreds of songs you've covered does not make you varied, you silly sausage. Sean Kingston is a mainstream artist, too.

The nine users you've got listed as "hated users". Three are on there because they criticised a post of yours. That is just whiny and pitiful.

I'm continuing this argument because I feel the need to. For my last few days here I just wanna unleash all bloody hell.

By the way, you like MattyB - Puga

"If you were an archer you'd hit the same target every time"

"Talking about songs from 2013 every other post gets very grating"

The hated users list, I'll admit, was unwarranted, if not just a little.

Sean Kingston may be a mainstream artist, but when have you heard Beat It?

So you give me flak for giving my honest opinion and backing it up, AFTER YOU SAID EVERYONE HAS OPINIONS. - WonkeyDude98

By the way, I wouldn't put those three on there if it wasn't for them constantly ignoring my defenses. Criticize me all you want, in fact I like getting criticized, but don't ignore what I have to say. - WonkeyDude98

Just would like to point out that Beat It was at 52 on the US Billboard Top 100 at some point, and the music video for it has over 100 million views. - visitor

#52 is measly if you ask me. It didn't make the year-end in any shape despite all three artists involved. - WonkeyDude98

Yeah, I suppose, but the music video still has 117 million views. Sean Kingston's most popular song is around 136 million or so. - visitor

You actually thought my tongue-in-cheek MattyB comment was legit. OHMIGOD.

Just because I have not listened to a song/artist in a while does not make them obscure or unknown, that's like calling every music artist currently on a hiatus obscure.

"I like getting criticised" clearly not, look at this whole argument.

By the way, you like MattyB - Puga

You keep bringing it up, so clearly it's to be taken seriously.

How come people like VelitelCabal and VenomousKillingMachine (not to diss those users) can talk about mainstream music all we want, but not me? I've never seen you or ANYONE talk down on them like that.

I like criticism when one doesn't have holes in it and doesn't constantly ignore comebacks with the same old thing over and over.

You brought it up again. So clearly, YOU MUST CARE. - WonkeyDude98

Also, PositronWildhawk is allowed to like LMFAO, and PatrickStar "that unspeakable Nicki Minaj song", but I can't think that an average tween rapper is average? Despite the fact that I backed up my opinion and they didn't? - WonkeyDude98

@Swellow it only stopped because the admins are nonces. - Puga

Pos is allowed to like LMFAO, just like you are allowed to like MattyB. It's a joke to finish off a paragraph.

Because velitel makes other content than stupid music reviews and they get just as much praise. You've made, what, six non-music posts?

By the way, you think MattyB is average. - Puga

1. Do you even know what a nonce is? You don't seem to.
2. Sorry that I specialize in something.
3. Stop putting that at the end of EVERYTHING you say, combined with that constant ignorance on the worst YouTube Channels list, and maybe I'll buy into it being a joke.
4. Who ARE you to say what is HQ? HQ means it meets the Admin's standard of a good post. Tell me a non-music post that was non-HQ despite it deserving to be. - WonkeyDude98

Puga, did you know that Wonkey only came here for the music reviews? Are you going to hate me in the same fashion if I only did Band Arguments and VelitelCabal Rages and nothing else? Think about it. My only non-music and non-user HQ posts total to like say, 10 of them? - visitor

Literally any post where a major user leaves

Turkey's non-competition posts

A good amount of Bobby's posts

About 30% of non-HQ rants

All more deservant of being High Quality than rating vocals, lyrics and beat out of 5 and adding a few sentences, and then repeating the process 50 times.

I keep using the MattyB joke because you keep getting in a hissyfit over the thing. It's fun.

You specialise in the wrong thing, mate.

Now go get to that MattyB concert of yours, will ya? - Puga

@Jared Still about five times the non-music posts as Wonkey. And yes, I would hate you if you only resided to music series, because I find your music series bad too, and you know that. - Puga

"Music series"

Give your honest opinion about Band Arguments first. I already know that VC Rages is crap. - visitor

Lol, I'm sure glad he retired. - visitor

No one on TTT knows Beat It except those who have seen all my posts. Also, Puga, if you know all my posts are bad, how come you couldn't tell which Beat It got ranted about in ONE OF MY MOST ENDORSED ONES? - WonkeyDude98

I never stated ALL your posts are bad. - Puga

"Puga submitted All of Them to the Worst Wonkeydude98 Reviews list" - WonkeyDude98

If I read 20 of your posts and don't like a single one, I'm probably not gonna like the 21st. - Puga

Oh, and another unrelated note, Puga, did you know that Alpha101 made 60 HQ posts? All of those were album reviews and music-related. - visitor

(Putting this on a different comment because this is getting ridiculous)
I SPECIALIZE in the WRONG THING? Let me guess: if it has to do with music you automatically hate it. You pretty much said it yourself on your 7 Years parody post.

Again, who are you to say what is HQ and what isn't? While true they should have been HQ, the point is that my posts fall under what the admin's would consider High Quality.

I don't go to concerts. - WonkeyDude98

My 7 years posts was an experiment that proved in my favour. I don't hate music, I can jam out to a good tune, I don't like most music reviews, especially if they're more serious than light hearted.

Well if it's "true that they should've been HQ", then what is HQ and what isn't needs a big update, no?

Oh, you're more the "stalk" type, got it. - Puga

So basically it was a way to whine about how music reviews get front and center. And by anything that has to do with music, I'm talking about on this site.

Even Admin says that HQ on posts is a "subjective nature" kind of thing.

I've only seen like five of his videos of covers of songs I know, and other than that I don't give him any of my time. - WonkeyDude98

You rated a music artist based on 5 random videos out of about 80. More specifically songs you had a strong opinion on. You didn't even touch his original songs.

It's not a way to whine if it's still a genuine post too, I tried to make it a comedic experiment.

Subjective. Ah. Of course. The morons. - Puga

Okay, 5 is understating it, try like 10. *record scratch* Hold up. There's no way out of this. First you endlessly berate me for giving him an average rating and tell me I go to his concerts as well as stalk him, then bash me for not listening to him enough. There's no way to win when your excuse for an argument is littered with loops and ties.

"Proof that all you need to please the admin is music"

There's such thing as case-by-case buddy. - WonkeyDude98

Literally every single thing I've said in a reply to you about MattyB has been a joke, you doughnut. How is that so hard to understand? It's like taking my "get cancer" comments seriously.

A comment made about the post, deeming the experiment a success. I'm not allowed to celebrate the fact I played someone I hate? The joke was the main point of the blog, not the music post stuff. - Puga

It's still hypocritical to finish a joke off like that after countless berating. You're setting a wall for me 50 feet high that's completely flat.

It could be seen as whining about how the admin does things. Now, criticize him, but that was pretty melodramatic if you look at it from a neutral perspective. - WonkeyDude98

Also,

"NO WONKEYDUDE YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR" - You

"I take it you only read the rating? " - Me

"I take it you're wrong? " - You

You sure this was all a joke? This covered that up pretty well. - WonkeyDude98

I didn't like your review of him, thus why I said that. You like for what he isn't rather than what he is. Also, you are most certainly wrong when you say I only read the rating.

The post was high-quality, at least one admin saw it. And the comment. Congratulations, you played yourself. - Puga

You guys injected Susan Boyle's saliva down my anus. Congratulations to you two! - visitor

What's that supposed to mean? - WonkeyDude98

Someting that would infect a certain user with AIDS. - visitor

cheeky - Puga

Giving him credit for what he isn't (the worst, or even terrible) is better than what a lot of people had to say against him. I thus far haven't found even one person who has sufficiently backed up him being terrible. I mean, joke if you want, but give me a reason to hate him. - WonkeyDude98

This: http://www.thetoptens.com/worst-youtubers/28951.asp

I'm going to bed. - Puga

Wonkey, you should have read Puga Rants: MattyBRaps. - visitor

He already sent it to me? - WonkeyDude98

Charlie Puth Produces His Own Beats - ProPanda

Well then, he's a weak, hollow producer, a terrible writer, and a soulless singer, all in one! - WonkeyDude98

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