Top Ten Criminal Jokes

The Top Ten

1 A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning. " "Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or ambulance? "

2 A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. "Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand? "

3 Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it? Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

4 Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery, boss?Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross.

5 A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. "Shall I run and get it for you? " asked the prisoner obligingly. "You must think I'm daft," said the officer. "You stand here and I'll get it. "

6 Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting? Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home. "

7 Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels. Harry: The dirty crooks.

8 Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner: I'm a locksmith, Your Honor. Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewelry shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you? Prisoner: Making a bolt for the door!

9 Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honor! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.

10 Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value.Mugger: That's all right. I'm sentimental.

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