Top Ten Cruel But Funny Things to Say to Lonely Singles On St. Valentine's Day

If I'm still single in twenty years, don't use this list against me. I'll know.

The Top Ten

I love your cousin with all my heart. She has all the genes you don't.

I just hope she's not a carrier. My kids could end up like you otherwise. - PositronWildhawk

You're all invited to my wedding!

We shall serve cupcakes with "forever like this" handwritten by both of us in icing, and the songs will include "Always", "You're Beautiful" and "There Goes My Baby", so we're keeping an open mind about you. - PositronWildhawk

Did that girl slap you? Well, at least you're making progress. That's the first strong physical contact a girl's had with your face.

Lol, unfortunatly, I've been denied that as well. I'm too awkward... And too nice! - IronSabbathPriest

Can I have your sister's phone number?
Look at it this way. You're at a lesser risk of trichomoniasis.

The perks of being a virgin forever... - PositronWildhawk

Don't feel as small as your genitals.

Mine are enormous, but I guess not every girl likes crap like that.

If you held up 11 roses into a mirror, you'd be looking at 12 dead, depressed organisms and 13 years of bad luck.

The reference gets my vote! I personally am not interested until I'm at least in college. And I'll always have pizza to fill the void... And my arteries... - keycha1n

Shout-out to the list of Most Romantic Things to Say to Her! - PositronWildhawk

My ex best friend better watch out. She's gonna get roasted... - TwilightKitsune

I'll Do This To My Annoying Rival - TundraTopTenners

Hey, best ex! I'm engaged! Aren't you happy for me?
I got you a present. It's a rock! Like they say, your rock never tires of hearing your story.
Let's talk about this over a pint. Have enough and you'll be a ladies' man like no other!

Who wouldn't have a fancy night out with Rajesh Koothropali? - PositronWildhawk

The Contenders

She dumped you? Well, at least she put you in your place.
The world is your oyster, and eventually you will find your pearl. Oh wait, your oyster doesn't have a pearl!


Courtesy of Ryan Higa - ethanmeinster

Is that a euphemism? - PositronWildhawk

This is my girlfriend, you bunch of saps!
I Just Got a Boyfriend! I Just Got a Boyfriend!
BAdd New Item