A Day in the Life of a Physics Major

CityGuru Beep! Beep! Beep!

The alarm clock wakes me from my deep sleep. I drowsily look over the clock and read it. It says 5 a.m., which is the time I usually wake up for class.
“Bloody hells, Martha!” I shout. “It’s 6 flipping a.m. already, and I don’t smell my Froot Loops yet?”
I hear the creaking of the bed upstairs as my mother slowly gets up. I hear the pitter patter of her slippered feet as she slowly trudges down the stairs. “It’s 2 a.m. What do you want?”
“No, mum, it’s 5 a.m. See, look at the clock.”
“Dear, that’s a 5, not a 2.”
I rush to get my physics textbook and flip open to page 223, where we learn all about the different numbers. I open the book, and show my mother how it is correct. Strangely enough, all the words are upside down. But the 5 looks sort of right. It looks a little different but it’s close enough.
“See, mum! Right there.”
“Dear, you opened the book upside down.”
There is stunned silence for what seems like an eternity.
“I’m going back to bed now. And please, don’t ever do this again. I would have thought you’ve learned by now after the third time.”
“Mum!” I say in an exasperated tone of voice. “I don’t learn anything at school, so don’t expect me to learn at home!” She gives me a tired smile and slowly trudges up the stairs. I then fall on my pillow and try to fall asleep. “One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, um...think...this is exhausting. I give up.”
And I’m asleep before I even hit the pillow.

I awake to my mom is shaking me. “Dear, get up. You’re going to miss your bus to college, and we all know how Professor Pinky is about tardiness.”
“What’s tardiness?”
She stares at me, shakes her head, and walks up the stairs. I follow her, and see a delicious bowl of Froot Loops on the table, along with three gummy bear vitamins. I chow them down, shower, and get ready for the day. The toothpaste tastes a little weird, even though the label clearly says Passion Fruit. It doesn’t taste anything like Passion Fruit.
I get on the bus. Every time I see it, I giggle because of how small it is compared to other buses. On the bus is my best friend Eustace. I wave to him. He eagerly waves back.
“Hi, fart mouth.”
“Hi, poopy face!”
We giggle to ourselves at our little joke. I plop down right next to him. “Do you have the homework from yesterday?” I ask. “Yes, it’s right here,” he says. He pulls out a wrinkled paper and makes it into a paper airplane. He throws it at the bus driver, but it only goes a few feet before plummeting to the ground.
Soon, we arrive at the San Federico College of Physics. There are a ton of people milling about, with ever present chaperones to ensure that people don’t roughhouse too much. Normally I would head straight for the monkey bars, but not anymore. I’m twenty-one now, and I’m now too old for such things. So I head to class to study up on gravity.
Soon, the bell rings, and everyone files into class. My professor, Professor Pinky, heads up to the front of the room.
We all groan. Professor Pinky sure doesn’t mess around when it comes to school.
Eventually, after quite some time has passed, he interrupts our page turning.
“Give up? It’s the page at the very beginning. Maybe someday someone will get it. Well, let’s resume our discussion on gravity. Gravity is what happens to us when we jump up in the air and fall down. Now, Theo. What is gravity?”
“Sir, gravity is what my grandmum puts on turkey.”
“Incorrect. Anyone else?”
In the far corner, I see someone waving their hands frantically.
“I’m sorry, Leonard, but there’s no way an engineer like you could possibly know the answer.”
“Sir, gravity is one of the four fundamental forces of the universe, a natural phenomenon which pulls all things with mass…”
“Also incorrect. The correct answer is, ‘what happens when you jump up in the air and fall down.’ Next time, you should speak so we can understand you. We have no idea what you’re saying, with that mumbo-jumbo about fundamental forces. Now, please read page 1 and answer this question.”
At the end of the class period, I finally finish the page and answer the question “What is the last word on this page.” I look around and see that everyone else is just finishing up. Over in the corner, Leonard is taking a nap. All of a sudden, he wakes up.
“You guys are just finishing? It took you three hours to read one page? Heck, I read the entire textbook in fifteen minutes!”
“That’s quite enough, Leonard. Go down to the dean’s office. Now.”
‘But, Professor Pinky…”
“Now.”
All of a sudden, the bell rings. We file out of the classroom onto the bus, and go home.
Mum is waiting for me when I get home. It’s been a long day, and it’s time for bed. I watch some cartoons, and doze off. I sleep well that night.