Top Ten Doctor Jokes
The Top Ten
1 A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
2 A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor. John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
3 A patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next!
4 As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking. " "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober "
Haha! I love this one. It's REALLY funny when told by the amazing Tommy Cooper!
5 A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
6 David: My wife beats me, doctor. Doctor: Oh dear. How often? David: Every time we play Scrabble!
7 Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
8 At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.
9 Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
S/he can live up to the day before his/her 81st birthday. We don't have to hurry.
10 Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
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