1 My dog ate my time schedule.... I'm not kidding, my dog just came dashing 'round the hallway and just digested my paper. And in case you were wondering, yes I've done my homework... which my dog also ate.
This excuse sounds funny but I don't think the teacher would believe you if you said this but its funny! :D
2 I was caught up with a couple of hardcore emo kids, trying to sacrifice my face for Satan. It was so weird because why would Satan want a poor excuse for a face of my own, I look like that deformed, disabled beast from The Goonies.
3 A brainwashed, heroin addict pirate tried to cut me up with his broken dagger, thinking he's all Will Turner and right behind him was his deformed, possibly resurrected dog, who is called Kraken by the way. Could anyone please call the NSCPA on his ass?
Don't change the subject!
4 I was another victim of the R. Kelly experience after being locked in a closet, mainly because of some drunken, stupid prick decided it was a good idea to leave me there. Weren't you suppose to do the Anti-Bullying Patrol day, sir?
This is so funny to me because some kid has actually been locked in the janitor's closet at school AND at different times, some of the older kids do come to school drunk or get drunk in the bathroom.
I never knew drunk pricks can get a job for hallway police
Nice. Turn it back against the teacher.
5 I nearly got deep fried by some fat kid who literally gave up his diet in less than a minute. He was gonna serve me up with tainted chips and milk. I'm bloody lactose intolerant!
Bless those stereotypical Americans.
6 Someone implanted a faulty chip on me as if I was a robot and it kept controlling my body everywhere. In fact, I almost murdered someone with a notebook of someone's list of exes. Thankfully, someone removed the chip and now I'm free from cyberslavery.
That chip made me see things no human has seen before. The next Iron Man movie will be utter tosh, and I'll soon be the Fresh Prince of Morocco.
7 The cookie monster was in hyperbolic mode about his hunger so for my courageousness, I beat someone up who had Maryland Soft Bake goods and gave that to him. Long story short, I had just got a sharp pain in my neck and felt high.
8 I just got caught in a frenzy battle with ninjas in pink and green suits, throwing stars at each other like machine guns. It was so crazy that I think someone died at some point. Got it on my phone if you want but damn it, it's drained!
And I'm always running from a stupid police officer and his dog just for painting a graffiti in a subway, jumping through trains just for that.
9 I had this stupid map that literally took me to the wrong classes and everytime I do it, someone in that class tells me about that time I kicked a dog! That ain't true sir because that was probably a plushy, I swear!
You probably picked up a treasure island map by mistake,also,stupid kids bringing up the past...
10 My neck got infected with the monkey rabies and I urgently needed to seek help but to no avail.... Can anyone give me a marker, please? I need it for something in the bathroom!
The Contenders
11 I couldn’t decide between heaven or hell so I thought I would come to hell
12 My brother ran up to me in the hall and shoved a crayon up my nose and it took forever to get it out of there