Dumbest Things Said On the Internet

TheLister

The Top Ten

1 I was trapped on an escalator for hours. The power went out.

That person was obviously trolling - Kiteretsunu

Do you need power to walk? If not, then just walk up/down the escalator. - TheLister

Oh no! I feel so bad for that escalator! It had to deal with your stupid FOR HOURS!

Perhaps they have a problem with walking up escalators? Still. - bugger

V 15 Comments
2 Somebody tried to tell me that there were 50 states in America. The scientists found out Pluto didn't exist, so there is only 49.

I certainly recall something in the history books of America conquering Pluto. Then again, they'll conquer anything, hell yaw! - PositronWildhawk

Really? And here I was thinking Pluto was a dwarf planet all this time! Silly me! *SLAP*

In case you are wondering, I conquered Pluto when we thought it existed. - Skullkid755

How can someone write so many wrong things. Pluto actually does exist and it was never considered a state in America.

V 13 Comments
3 Where's the 2014 Brazil World Cup going to be held?

Pluto. It's being held on Pluto. - AnonymousChick

That's a hard one... It wouldn't be in... I don't know Brazil... That's way to obvious maybe it's a trick question.

To be fair, cups will sometimes have brand names or place names which aren't proper to the location they are supposed to be held in. It could be overlooked. - bugger

Now, this might be a bit shocking to you but... - DapperPickle

Wow. I losing the will to live with this list - kaisietoo

V 15 Comments
4 I just found out that my birthday is the same day as when I was born.

How's THAT for a coincidence? Haha! - Britgirl

That's why it's called a birthday. - TheLister

Oh my gosh really?! Is it magic?! I know! You were destined to be born! Unfortunately you wasted your life so...

Mother of god. Just blew my mind there - taishisohma

V 15 Comments
5 I don't like dolphins anymore. Squirrels are my new favorite reptile.

Neither of them are reptiles. - TheLister

Do you like wasps? They're one of my favorite kind of fish. Also, stingrays are amazing insects - XxDarkStorm_PhoenixMothxX

So squirrels nowadays are considered reptiles? But wait, they have fur, not scales. - AnimeDrawer

Dogs are mine - kaisietoo

V 11 Comments
6 Ebola is in Dallas, so I'm moving to Texas. I can't stay in a diseased country.

Sounds good. Earth fell into the hands of stupid people so I left earth completely and went to Japan.

Dude, Dallas IS in Texas and Ebola is in Texas too, so move to London.

First of all, Dallas is IN Texas. Second, Dallas isn't a country!

Disgusting. Move to Florida instead. - kaisietoo

V 12 Comments
7 Blue whales are mammals not animals.

No wonder I failed my science test I said that whales are animals and got an f - Jonathan4Life

So that means bats, cats, and dogs are not animals? - AnimeDrawer

Spiders are arachnids not living creatures - XxDarkStorm_PhoenixMothxX

Well... - kaisietoo

V 3 Comments
8 I want my first daughter to be a girl.

Laugh out loud! This is nice. It reminds me of another joke - "I have two daughters and both are girls". I remember hearing this joke back when I was in high school. - Zizz

This person is in luck then. - gemcloben

It's really a chance thing, but I hope your first daughter is a girl for her sake. And also that she grows up in another family.

You do you, I just want my first son to be a boy

V 14 Comments
9 Most Trees Are Blue

If you were on drugs or something, then yes they would be blue. - NuMetalManiak

I drew lots of pictures of trees that I colored blue, so does that count? - BlueTopazIceVanilla

They could be colorblind, the person who said this.

Wasn't that Jaden Smith that said that? - kaisietoo

V 13 Comments
10 Goodbye America, I'm going to New York.

Yeah, there's one problem: New York is INSIDE America! - Turkeyasylum

If you go to New York, you'd be an Englishman. So at least you'd leave your American nationality behind. - bugger

Goodbye Philippines, I'm going to Bohol! - Neonco31

Goodbye America, but not completely, because WE ARE IN NEW YORK! - AnimeDrawer

No! Go to Florida instead you dummy! - kaisietoo

V 6 Comments

The Contenders

11 How Can I Undo My Abortion?

First dance in your underwear on the roof, then join in a police chase, then finally become a CEREAL killer. It sounds up your alley.

It's simple, grab your mouse, right click then click undo. See! Easy isn't it? - StephanTheIdiot

Well first you change your name to Coreless, then you drink a little vodka (a few bottles should do the trick), and tell a perv your phone number and address.

Impossible! - Neonco31

V 2 Comments
12 The Olympics have been going on for 3000 years? There were only 2012 years.

Seriously! People who think the earth is 2012 years old are dumb! That is one reason why school is important!

No wonder jesus christ inst in the list - Jonathan4Life

Have you ever heard of B.C. ? - TheLister

Don't forget B.C. - Neonco31

13 I wish I was warm-blooded, then I would be warm all the time.

That person might have taken the word "warm-blooded" too literally. - Kiteretsunu

First, you ARE warm-blooded. Second, that's not the meaning of warm-blooded - XxDarkStorm_PhoenixMothxX

Then why do I feel warm then? And the same applies to other humans. - AnimeDrawer

14 What is Obama's last name?

Duh, Obama is His Last Name and his First Name is Barack.

Last name Is barack and first name is obama. (Sarcastic) - AnonymousChick

Barack. Yes, his name is Obama Barack - XxDarkStorm_PhoenixMothxX

I hope Barack likes jelly filled donuts. Nothing beats like a jelly filled donut - YoshiApple

V 7 Comments
15 How are mirrors real if our eyes aren't real?

No matter how long I look at this quote, it never makes any more sense.

Oh, at first I thought this said "how are we minors if are eyes aren't real" - EliHbk

If our eyes aren't real, then how can we see? Exactly, our eyes are 100% real

Cause eyes and mirrors should switch places for names - Skullkid755

V 1 Comment
16 Someone tried to convince me that the Sun is a star. The Sun is a sun.

You, child, are an astonishing example of how far mankind can go! How stupid they can become! Bless you, and I hope you die in peace

This guy also went to say that a tomato is not a fruit. Does this guy have a brain or not?

The Sun is a sun is a star. - TheLister

Someone tried to convice me that I'm a guy I'm not a guy I'm a jonathan (that's my real name) - Jonathan4Life

V 1 Comment
17 Do dogs have brains?

Yeah, they do, but the problem is, do you? - XxDarkStorm_PhoenixMothxX

Umm, I am not sure about that. But they do know what they are doing. - AnimeDrawer

No they have bowls - SirSkeletorThe3rd

Do you? - Jonathan4Life

V 4 Comments
18 I've heard that guns don't kill people, people kill people, so does that mean that toasters don't toast toast, toast toasts toast?

You know what they say! Toasters toast toast!

Toasters toast BREAD. Get your facts straight first.

I say this all the time. It's a favourite quote of mine. - Wolftail

Yes, actually - EliHbk

V 8 Comments
19 Stop Being Mean To Me I Will Call 999

I saw someone say this because they thought people were being mean to him but he was the real jerk and then thought they should get arrested and said 999 instead of 911 - simpsondude

I need gods help so I'm going to dial 666 - Jonathan4Life

This is how to do it in London

But that is not even an emergancy. We need to call 888! - AnimeDrawer

V 6 Comments
20 My HIV tests came back positive. I'M CLEAN! Thank God for good health!

It's The Opposite, Unfortunately

Just, don't tell her the bad news... - Turkeyasylum

Don't tell her anything 0_0 - SamuiNeko

He my hiv test also came positive lets have sex - Jonathan4Life

V 2 Comments
21 Is it OK to have sex with an Asian woman because they can't get pregnant?

Yes! And if anything you can always eat a magic potato and cross your fingers and everything will be just fine. I mean if course Asian people fall from the sky, dropped by cloud mermaids. Common knowledge.

Well, apparently, Asia is the continent which has the biggest population in the world, so where do you think they come from? Chinese Laboratories? Factories? You decide!

Asia has the world's largest population, smart one. - TwilightKitsune

How is this person so damn stupid?

V 2 Comments
22 I want to have sex on top of the I fold tower.

"I fold" tower? Is that a tower that can fold itself on a certain time? Don't you think it's a dangerous place to have sex? - XxDarkStorm_PhoenixMothxX

I think someone tried that. It was very hard due to the flimsy folded towel structure. I think the Eiffel Tower is WAAAY more romantic and structurally sound

Go ahead but don't fold you d! ck - Jonathan4Life

IFold tower? is a new apple product? Or are you too stupid to realize that it's called "Eiffel Tower"?

23 Does Paris Hilton Live in Paris?

I think she does, and she probably even owns the city.(not meant to be taken seriously) - AnimeDrawer

Did isacc newton invent the newton? - Jonathan4Life

24 I'm sick of the US government, so I'm moving to California.

California IS in America! - SamuiNeko

Yeah, US government sucks, California YEAH! - 05yusuf09

I'm sick of the universe so I'm moving to the milky way galaxy - Jonathan4Life

One issue- California is dictated by megatron now and he doesn't want any stupid or otherwise unintelligent life entering. #sorryyoucantcomein #Whatsthepassword #thishashtagthingissostupid

V 1 Comment
25 Is it OK to touch myself when my parents have sex?

Yeah, but you have to realize that you will be forever alone if you do so.

Sure, and try it with a bagel in your hat! It adds some spice to it, especially when you are dancing to the abc song

It depends on if you want a social life or not - SpectralOwl

Only if I was there - Jonathan4Life

26 Will getting an abortion make me back into a virgin?

Not unless you eat a magic mailbox

27 My sweater smells like my boyfriend's colon!

Have you been rolling in his clothes again? Bad moron! I'll get the spray bottle

Your boyfriend has a colon AND it smells?

You guys are getting a little too comfy - Jonathan4Life

28 On Yahoo Answers: Can you help me make a Yahoo Acoount? Mind went down...

Just look at it carefully...

No, you will have to log in without an account. - Skullkid755

Mind went down...indeed. - NuMetalManiak

Can you help me reaad I want to read about the dumbestquestions I found on the internet - Jonathan4Life

29 Justin Bieber has more swag than Jesus Christ

Whoever said this please leave this planet before you are murdered

Well technically swag means secretly we are gay and if I remember correctly God warned against that so that sounds about right. Justin Bieber sounds gay to me.

Yeah, as if you need swag to get into the Kingdom of God.

Whoever said this, please commit suicide to survive me. (I had to take it down to their IQ level)

V 4 Comments
30 Nicki Minaj is a good rapper

Whoever Said this is really high.

This is an opinion, and I respect it. It should not be called dumb. - AnimeDrawer

A potato could rap better than she ever could.

And you are good at having bad taste. - Skullkid755

V 2 Comments
31 I think the Titanic is fake, because how do they record it when everyone on the ship is dying!

Hmm... You don't suppose someone survived and that maybe you ever read your history do you? Nah!

It's just a movie! - Neonco31

So rose is fake? - Jonathan4Life

That's right, if you don't have photographic evidence it never happened(sarcastic)

32 When he's left and you can still smell his colon on his pillow...

Wow, he must of been using it wrong

33 I got a new colon today!

Spell your words right, geez! - TheMeaningOfLifeIs42

How was the surgery?

34 My sister is pregnant! I can't wait to see if I'm an aunt or an uncle!

Unless you are a very sad person who is desperate, then you aren't a mom or a dad. - Skullkid755

If It's Your Sister That's Pregnant, Then Yes, You Are an Aunt or an Uncle.

If your sister is pregnant, then you will be both uncle and aunt. - AnimeDrawer

I don't think this is dumb because maybe his gender was "Other" - TheMinecraftGamer

V 1 Comment
35 Do You Think Humans Will Ever Walk On the Sun?

Dude, You can't walk on the sun. You would walk THROUGH the sun

Probably not, he moved away but his cousin doesn't mind being stepped on

No, but they will walk on the Parent. - Skullkid755

It's too hot - Neonco31

V 2 Comments
36 It's sucks monkey butts and this is madness.

Oh yeah, the one thing on this list that's on this website. (Worst Songs of 2015: Worth It - Fifth Harmony) - WonkeyDude98

37 Why girls love going to yogart class stretin and s***. And don't be eatin no yogart

I give this my award for most grammatical errors in a single sentence.

Most likely said by a gangster wannabe from a high school.

Dear student,
Your stupidity glows brighter then even your grammar errors. Life wouldn't be as meaningless without you. No thank you.

No love,
This person who gave up on you forevee

38 Oh My God, The Annoying Orange is so Annoying

Thanks for telling me I didn't know that - Jonathan4Life

So do you! - Neonco31

You don't say? I would have never ever guessedn :D where is my knife? I need to stab someone who's life is already worthless

39 Adventure Time Sucks

I love Adventure Time - Neonco31

How can it suck if my marceline is one of the characters? She's my little love, my cheeky cub, my baby...

One of the greatest shows ever, just you sucks, you hater - 05yusuf09

...I agree with this one.

V 3 Comments
40 Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding, I'm white!

Don't worry, the amount of stupid in this quote gave me cancer.

That is so racist! - 05yusuf09

This is just so offensive.

Going to read your slightly offensive and very stupid comment now, hope I don't catch the moron disease. Just kidding, I'm Hispanic.

41 9/11 Was an Inside Job.

Seriously, 9/11 isn't something to joke about. A lot of people lost their lives that day. You must not know the nightmare those people went through.

This Item Is Very Offensive! Take This Off The List Now!

9/11 wasnt joke! It is rude and offensive to most people to post things like this! Shame on you!

42 The Legend of Zelda is a Ripoff of Minecraft

Some kid legit said this once.

But Zelda is good and is fun after a week.. - Skullkid755

43 How do I use Google?
44 I'm having an argument with my friend if it rains in Australia or not. My friend thinks it does, but I think it doesn't because rain lands on the ground at the top of the earth,so wouldn't the rain go to space at the bottom of the earth when it falls down

Really? Were you paying attention in school?

What about clouds then? What do clouds exist for. I think a cloud needs to come here to shower anyone who thinks it does not rain in Australia. - AnimeDrawer

I pity your friend... Having to deal with you is probably the hardest thing one could do.

I live in Australia and yes, it does rain! Seriously, who wrote this? - animallover1

V 3 Comments
45 Arthur is the best show ever

This isn't dumb, it's an opinion.
Plus, the five episodes of this show that I caught and watched were good, but I haven't watched it in years, so Arthur is a pretty good show, in my opinion. - TheLister

It is your haters - Jonathan4Life

Saying Arthur is the best show ever is REALLY EXTREMELY DUMB! This belongs in first place!

I wouldn't say they need to be banned. They are still cool, even if they hate Arthur. - TheLister

Adventure time is dumb I like arthur better more people like it bettet because it haas more books than you know what and more kids watch it - Jonathan4Life

46 No, the Hunger Games is not based on WWII, but it is based on a true story. When America was being settled, they forced the Native Americans to do the Hunger Games. The reason Pocahontas is so famous is because she was the first winner of the Hunger Game

So she won by being the last person to die from starvation and disease? Wow - SirSkeletorThe3rd

It's so wrong, but so funny... - Turkeyasylum

Say that in English.

Hahaaahaha I'M CHOKING! - JaysTop10List

47 Is Santa Claus Real?

Yes, and so it the stork. What happened was they hired a new guy and he had to make a few deliveries. He dropped one. I'm so sorry.

No, but you are to young to be on the internet. - Skullkid755

No, but unfortunately Hitler once did.

How Old Are You, 3?

48 Does Napoleon Dynamite Sell Dynamite?

Someone keeps posting these idiotic statements.

No, he sells napoleons

49 People Die when They Are Killed

No Duh, Captain Obvious. That's what "Killed" Means.

They do? All I ever believed in was a lie!

Dugh. They are DEAD already! - Neonco31

Duh, no-one needs to be a genius to know that ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคจ๐Ÿ˜’

V 1 Comment
50 I'd rather be raped than be murdered

**cough** Bill Cosby **cough**

Id rather be dead then listens to your advice

Avoid both of them. - Croy987

If You Were Raped You'd Still Be Alive.

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List Stats

200 votes
78 listings
3 years, 175 days old

Top Remixes (11)

1. My HIV tests came back positive. I'M CLEAN! Thank God for good health!
2. Will getting an abortion make me back into a virgin?
3. When he's left and you can still smell his colon on his pillow...
Turkeyasylum
1. How are mirrors real if our eyes aren't real?
2. How Can I Undo My Abortion?
3. I want to have sex on top of the I fold tower.
Elina
1. Somebody tried to tell me that there were 50 states in America. The scientists found out Pluto didn't exist, so there is only 49.
2. Where's the 2014 Brazil World Cup going to be held?
3. I just found out that my birthday is the same day as when I was born.
Puga

WRemix
View All 11

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