Top Ten Dumbest Things to Say As a News Show TV Anchor
The Top Ten
1 (Weather Report) - There will be huge rainfall around this region as our astrologers predict so. The stars are in place and ready to rock the hell out of the clouds!
2 (Kidnapping case report) - A kid was kidnapped right in front of our camera-persons and we will show you the live coverage on how the kid was dragged out of his house and stuffed into the kidnappers' car, after a short break. Stay tuned!
This is called being too sincere in your job instead of helping that kid.
3 (On a Murder Case Report) - A cold-blooded murder took place in the north west region of New York City. Reports are yet to confirm whether the blood was really COLD. There were no signs of coolness in this incident or whatever.
4 (World News) - There is something going on in this world. Just something. Hard to explain but there is something going on...
5 (News related to American President) - Our sources tell us that President Obama sleeps at his home between 12:00 AM to 5:00 AM everyday of every week of every month. Now we'll have some experts on this matter and will have a debate shortly
6 (Weather Report) There will be rainfall here, there, where and here! Bye!
7 (Sports News) - Rafael Nadal wins the French Open with his RACKET. I repeat, with his RACKET! Otherwise he couldn't have hit a single good shot with bare hands.
8 (Science News) - Scientists are developing a machine that can make non-vegetarian food vegetarian. Not sure how will they do that.
9 (Science News) - The discovery so far yet remains to be explained, at least by someone who can do it without the friggin' equations.
10 (Undercover Report) - I might blow my cover if I talk- HEY! ARE YOU STILL THERE?!
That is a good one!
The Contenders
11 (Weather Report) - The suns here denote sunshine and clouds denote rainfall. Now look at the weather map yourself and I'm going out to have a cup of coffee. Bye!
If I had a boss that didn't pay any attention to me I would stay at work and do whatever I want!
12 (Weather Report) - Such a boring job *yawn*. There will be rainfall here, here and here...*yawn*.
"... And everywhere... And there will be fire right here ( Points to his/her feet ).
13 (Weather Report) - There have been flash storms near the Houses of Parliament in London, but this may easily be a normal government issue.
14 (World News) - The North Korean state's intentions are currently uncertain, but the idea of a fat little idiot issuing a pre-emptive strike is laughable.
15 (News Report) - John Denver died. Good morning.
Haha! Journalists must be careful with their word ordering. This one is brilliant!
Sounds like that person is really tired and about ready to go to sleep.
Wow. Way to remember the man.
16 This just in (throws report out the window)
17 (Murder Case Report) - If it was your granny, turn her in.
18 (Kidnapping Case Report) We saw from like 1 inch away from us and we just watched as the kidnapper stuffed the 4 month old, female girl into a sack and put her in his car. We didn't bother to do anything.
And there would probably be a protest that they let them get away with it.
Me (watching): -faceplant- You were right there! You should've called the cops!
19 Breaking news! This job stinks! Sports at 11
20 (Weather report) Y'all are screwed
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