Top Ten Dumbest Things to Say When You Know You've Been Caught In the Act

You know you've been caught doing something you shouldn't but instead of 'fessing up, we tell blatant lies. But what's the dumbest excuse for your treachery? Spill, I say.

The Top Ten

1 It's not what it looks like, babe - she fell on me...!

And I suppose her clothing was torn off in the G-force of the fall...? - Britgirl

This is so funny. What a dumb thing to say.

Now this one is way too close to home! - Barry2013

UYes, she fell on you and knocked your close off. - HeavyDonkeyKong

2 I didn't touch one biscuit, Mum - I swear!

"Then what are you doing in bed? " - Rocko

The last biscuit in the tin is the one you didn't touch, hmm? - Britgirl

Such a cunning play of words. This gave a lot of ideas. - Kiteretsunu

3 I wasn't shoplifting, I'm pregnant!

Especially if you're a man - MoldySock

Just as your swag falls from your jumper..Ha! Explain yourself then, Madam. - Britgirl

4 I wasn't watching porn, babe. I was flicking through the channels when the batteries in the remote died just as this came on.

PositronWildhawk...! Are you speaking from experience...?! Haha! - Britgirl

It's the easy one to fake. Just replace the batteries in the remote with dead ones in advance, and constantly tap it as if you were changing channel. - PositronWildhawk

I've used this when on my laptop I've watched Tickling videos of Girls
I'm like my friend told me to see this or I'm just watching a funny youtube video - Curti2594

No!... I wouldn't dream of it... Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm...
It would make an excellent prank, though. Just switch to the channel, take the batteries out, wait for your victim to come into the living room after a long day, and call his/her boy/girlfriend or wife/husband home. I might try it on my brother sometime. Or one of my parents. - PositronWildhawk

5 Hello boss, uh, when I said I was I'll and couldn't come in today I meant it. The doctor told me the footie match would be good for me. I'm not enjoying it... YES GOAL!

Whoever says this is a very smart person (JK) - Songsta41

This is cool, and so aux!

6 I wasn't picking my nose, I was SCRATCHING it. (wipes finger)

I think a lot of people uses this one. - funnyuser

Ha ha I use this one all the time. - FluffyBanana

7 There's no-one in bed with me. What this? This is a hernia. I'm in agony, babe!

There's no-one in bed with me, this person right here doesn't exist! Now, where were we? - Rocko

That one killed me! That is by far the silliest excuse for anything in the world! Your best list so far, Britgirl. - PositronWildhawk

That's some bloody big hernia then... - Britgirl

This will make her forget all about the other person in the bed - Songsta41

8 I wasn't snoring. I was just hearing what I would sound like if I ever did snore.

I do that a lot - SirSheep

This is funny. Along with number 9! - funnyuser

9 Err... no, it's not sex, it's a medical exam!

I knew the GCSEs were stressful, but this is an entirely different matter. - Rocko

Let's not go into the details about the "exam". Chances are it's a new "way of doing it". Save it for the students. - PositronWildhawk

I'm just going to say it. It's MY list so...was it an "oral" exam? - Britgirl

Really that's the oddest medical exam iv seen

10 I no speak English

This reminds me of an electric song I Speak No Americano. - funnyuser

The Contenders

11 I didn't do it
12 It wasn't me. It was my twin.

Funny thing is, when I was at school there were two twin students, they were mostly in different classes as they got different grades and they were both troublemakers. Once a teacher walked into the class and told one of them off about something, and he said "What? I never did this! It must have been my twin." The teacher didn't believe him, but she then found out for herself that it was entirely true. - Rocko

At least I can actually use this one - SirSheep

It would be nice if I had a almost identical twin or even a twin. - funnyuser

13 I wasn't cheating. I was looking at HER answers to see if she was right too!

I actually do that...A LOT.

I wonder what the teacher would say to that. - Minecraftcrazy530

14 I'm sleepwalking...

I've done that before it totally works because if I'm scared as hell I go to my parents room. Wake up and say how did I get here and they said you sleepwalked when we all know I ran up in that room. Haha

15 Who are you talking too? Um sorry babe my phone connection's bad - so is our relationship

Haha very interesting to see how this would play out - Curti2594

This is also a Line in a Song but it's kind of Brilliant when you think of it! - Curti2594

16 It wasn't me...
17 No, No, no.... No... pff why would I - *Run off*
18 I swear, honey, that gal you saw me with was fake! It was a transvestite I was trying to get away from!
19 I wasn't asleep. I was studying the inside of my eyelids!

And herhis mother said," How could you do that? " I was looking real hard. " yeah right ". - funnyuser

20 I thought that blow-up doll was YOU babe!

I've written a short story about this situation. It was never published. Haha.. - Britgirl

Must be a bloody lifelike model, then. - PositronWildhawk

21 Um, it was you.
22 Well... this is my... uh... friend.
23 It's not what it looks like
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